Sidenote: Google adsense does pay! I've gotten a dollar and change transferred into my account already. Some sites with high traffic make a sizable income on this kind of thing. Now, if I could get paid to rewrite some of the ads, perhaps more people would check them out....
I may rearrange a few things coz I opened my blog today and saw an ad for dating Kenyan women who are 'desperate' for companionship (I won't even start...), then underneath was the blurb 'About me.' I find it kind of funny =) but I'd like to state for the record that there's no correlation between the two. There's something for everyone online. Personally, I'm looking to get paid, not laid.
Countdown: 5 days
Monday, December 10, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Study, study, study....
I'm supposed to be working on papers right now, but I just had to take a quick break. I haven't hang out in blogland for a while because reading one interesting post always leads to 5 more. And I'm rather opinionated so it's hard to resist sharing my views. Every now and then I go back and read my old posts and people's replies. Sometimes I laugh but other times I think about deleting posts--especially the depressing ones. Haven't done it yet. Even though I'm anonymous, I can't resist but get a little self-conscious. Sometimes, I wonder what people who read my stuff think of me. Isn't it natural to portray the best of ourselves to the world? But then this is my space to express myself however I see fit. And having the cloak of anonymity is reassuring, kinda like Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. Yet, I did set some ground rules for myself--because I believe boundaries are important(think of "good fences make good neighbors")--I will not share information shared in confidence, go into details about work or family or personal relationships out of respect.
I can ramble on forever so I'd better go back to my paper. I'm on a 10 day countdown to the end of the sem =)
I can ramble on forever so I'd better go back to my paper. I'm on a 10 day countdown to the end of the sem =)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A cup of tea
I consider myself a pessimist. A cynic. I haven't always been one. I feel like I've undergone a lot of subtle changes over time until suddenly I realize I'm a different person from what I used to be. Is this what growing up is all about? I guess.
I've had a lot of things going on, yet few things have changed. Ironic. It's like running on a treadmill--you cover a large distance yet you don't go anywhere. It's when high expectations and 'reality' reside in different planets. Maybe not that bad. But close.
Some days I have so much to say but other days I just want my own company. One of my pet peeves is people who are extra perky in the morning and insist on having conversations about random things like the weather before I've had any caffeine in my system. Unless there's a tsunami outside, I don't want to discuss the weather! It's fairly predictable this time of year. And I'm not a coffee addict anymore--I drink more tea these days. Black. A little sugar. I have to confess I used to dislike the whole tea-making ritual for visitors when I was growing up. It was my Mom's attempt to make us polite, hospitable, and able to carry on a conversation with grown-ups. We not only had to make the tea but also serve it. Woe to anyone who tried to pass on this duty to the maid. We had enough lectures about the maid's role at home. She was a helper NOT a servant as people in the West like to address them. I didn't mind making tea, but I hated having to serve it while answering questions from visitors about school and hearing comments like "you've grown so big!" and "you need to eat more" often in the same conversation. Years later, I now recognize a few lessons I learned.
-Always ask your guests if they drink milk. Or take sugar. Or caffeine. (Some people neglect to mention it till you've already served them.)
-Parents enjoy to torture and/or show off their kids.
-People love to comment on your appearance and relate it to how much food you eat. (Even though there are lots of skinny people that eat a lot and bigger people who are more moderate.)
-All adults give the same advice: "Work hard."
Now, I'm a little older and have come to appreciate a mug of hot tea--love Ketepa, but Earl Grey will do--when I visit a friend. But I have vowed never to exclaim "you've grown so big!" to any kids I meet. Especially if they were babies the last time I saw them.
If you ask whether my cup of tea is half empty or half full, I realize it doesn't really matter to me. What does matter is that I do have a hot cup to drink.
I've had a lot of things going on, yet few things have changed. Ironic. It's like running on a treadmill--you cover a large distance yet you don't go anywhere. It's when high expectations and 'reality' reside in different planets. Maybe not that bad. But close.
Some days I have so much to say but other days I just want my own company. One of my pet peeves is people who are extra perky in the morning and insist on having conversations about random things like the weather before I've had any caffeine in my system. Unless there's a tsunami outside, I don't want to discuss the weather! It's fairly predictable this time of year. And I'm not a coffee addict anymore--I drink more tea these days. Black. A little sugar. I have to confess I used to dislike the whole tea-making ritual for visitors when I was growing up. It was my Mom's attempt to make us polite, hospitable, and able to carry on a conversation with grown-ups. We not only had to make the tea but also serve it. Woe to anyone who tried to pass on this duty to the maid. We had enough lectures about the maid's role at home. She was a helper NOT a servant as people in the West like to address them. I didn't mind making tea, but I hated having to serve it while answering questions from visitors about school and hearing comments like "you've grown so big!" and "you need to eat more" often in the same conversation. Years later, I now recognize a few lessons I learned.
-Always ask your guests if they drink milk. Or take sugar. Or caffeine. (Some people neglect to mention it till you've already served them.)
-Parents enjoy to torture and/or show off their kids.
-People love to comment on your appearance and relate it to how much food you eat. (Even though there are lots of skinny people that eat a lot and bigger people who are more moderate.)
-All adults give the same advice: "Work hard."
Now, I'm a little older and have come to appreciate a mug of hot tea--love Ketepa, but Earl Grey will do--when I visit a friend. But I have vowed never to exclaim "you've grown so big!" to any kids I meet. Especially if they were babies the last time I saw them.
If you ask whether my cup of tea is half empty or half full, I realize it doesn't really matter to me. What does matter is that I do have a hot cup to drink.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
MIA
I've been MIA for what feels like forever...today's my first day back at school which I've been looking forward to. Yeah, I know I'm such a nerd. But this is my senior yr so I'm looking forward to getting done with my program! Stay tuned for an exclusive interview which I'm sure y'all are dying to read (just kidding!)--I just read Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber and it had me cracking up! Yes, I am a fan of chick lit, comedy, Harry Potter--haven't read the new one just yet--and the occasional literary masterpiece. I've read a lot this summer since my old computer went kaput on me and I've been trying to brush up on vocab for the GRE.
Seriously, what would people do for entertainment if there was no internet, or tv, or, gasp, any electronic form of entertainment? Isn't is strange how you suddenly feel deprived when you don't have constant access to something and yet millions of people around the world survive perfectly well without it? I'm not advocating an internet strike by any means. This issue of deprivation came up last night during a lively discussion about travel, the developed vs developing world, expats, and things higher income people take for granted around the world. Anyway, I need to get my school/work schedule together. More later.
Seriously, what would people do for entertainment if there was no internet, or tv, or, gasp, any electronic form of entertainment? Isn't is strange how you suddenly feel deprived when you don't have constant access to something and yet millions of people around the world survive perfectly well without it? I'm not advocating an internet strike by any means. This issue of deprivation came up last night during a lively discussion about travel, the developed vs developing world, expats, and things higher income people take for granted around the world. Anyway, I need to get my school/work schedule together. More later.
Monday, July 09, 2007
On Phonecalls
I am irritated when somebody promises to call on a specific day and time, then doesn't. I hate waiting for a phone call (especially from a cute guy I just met).
I realize there are some unwritten rules about how long one should wait before calling somebody back coz if you call too soon you seem desperate; but I don't think you should wait too long either. "You snooze, you lose." I don't like getting phone calls 2 or 3 months later from some number I can't identify with the phrase "Guess who?" Hello, you called me, so please identify yourself. If we met for about 2 minutes at some dim-lighted pub or club after having a few drinks, chances are I won't remember you. And you probably don't remember me too well either. I'm quite simple, I've stopped giving out my number to people I have no intention of meeting with. And I will tell them that. I think it's immature to give out fake numbers, and the rejection hotline # should be reserved for true assholes. I wonder if some people are just competing to collect phone numbers, coz they never call. It's not that big a deal if you don't know each other well. But once in a while you sense a connection--then never hear back from that person. Some guys do play mind games with this whole phone call thing. Let's see what happens.
I realize there are some unwritten rules about how long one should wait before calling somebody back coz if you call too soon you seem desperate; but I don't think you should wait too long either. "You snooze, you lose." I don't like getting phone calls 2 or 3 months later from some number I can't identify with the phrase "Guess who?" Hello, you called me, so please identify yourself. If we met for about 2 minutes at some dim-lighted pub or club after having a few drinks, chances are I won't remember you. And you probably don't remember me too well either. I'm quite simple, I've stopped giving out my number to people I have no intention of meeting with. And I will tell them that. I think it's immature to give out fake numbers, and the rejection hotline # should be reserved for true assholes. I wonder if some people are just competing to collect phone numbers, coz they never call. It's not that big a deal if you don't know each other well. But once in a while you sense a connection--then never hear back from that person. Some guys do play mind games with this whole phone call thing. Let's see what happens.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Another Lazy Sunday
I have sketchy internet access and an old comp that keeps going off now and then so I haven't been spending as much time online.
I'm dying to get my hands a really good book! Haven't been to a library since I moved. There is a bookstore near my place, but I cannot justify buying a brand new book that I'll never read again when I can get a deal on Amazon.
I'm not exactly a tree-hugger but I've become so much more environmentally conscious in the past couple of years. I believe in recycling and reusing in order to minimize waste. Funny how such ideas that are touted as "progressive" over here are an everyday occurence at home. Those who don't have access to the latest and greatest goods have to learn to make things last. Here's a great example: people have been making and wearing akala for I don't know how long in Kenya. One day I was leafing through a magazine (can't remember which one) and saw an ad for shoes made from recycled tires. I bet they won't be cheap either.
I penda my new 'hood. Lots of things within walking distance. I like that kind of lifestyle. I don't understand how people can go out drinking and then drive distances to go home. Hopefully, there's a designated driver who doesn't drink. Went to a local pub last night to meet a friend of a friend. It's kind of weird when you're going to meet someone you've never seen before and you're trying to guess what they look like. Anyway, this buddy identified us right away and we had a good time hanging out. Now, it's to relax before the grueling work week ahead!
I'm dying to get my hands a really good book! Haven't been to a library since I moved. There is a bookstore near my place, but I cannot justify buying a brand new book that I'll never read again when I can get a deal on Amazon.
I'm not exactly a tree-hugger but I've become so much more environmentally conscious in the past couple of years. I believe in recycling and reusing in order to minimize waste. Funny how such ideas that are touted as "progressive" over here are an everyday occurence at home. Those who don't have access to the latest and greatest goods have to learn to make things last. Here's a great example: people have been making and wearing akala for I don't know how long in Kenya. One day I was leafing through a magazine (can't remember which one) and saw an ad for shoes made from recycled tires. I bet they won't be cheap either.
I penda my new 'hood. Lots of things within walking distance. I like that kind of lifestyle. I don't understand how people can go out drinking and then drive distances to go home. Hopefully, there's a designated driver who doesn't drink. Went to a local pub last night to meet a friend of a friend. It's kind of weird when you're going to meet someone you've never seen before and you're trying to guess what they look like. Anyway, this buddy identified us right away and we had a good time hanging out. Now, it's to relax before the grueling work week ahead!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Wishes
"Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true!"
--By ?
1) In a state of restlessness, I craved change--I'm now experiencing lots of new things in most aspects of my life.
2) I wanted to spend my summer away from my area of residence--I landed a summer gig in a different state.
3) I wanted a job with benefits that I could use for myself and extend to my siblings--My summer gig has excellent perks that I can enjoy and share.
4) During the winter, I cussed at the cold and swore the next place place I lived would be hot---Now I'm in a state known for its record highs in summer (aren't they all?0. But it probably won't be as bad as my first summer in this country. A number of people said, "You must be used to this 'cause it's like Aahfrica." Hell no! I tried to enlighten them that my home wasn't the Sahara but lush green highlands.
5) I was feeling a bit isolated and wanted to be closer to people from home--I met a first cousin who lives in this area and he's totally cool! And tonight, I just met a former schoolmate from the first high school I went to. There are also family friends in the area (who I like!). The area is also big enough that you don't run into people unless you plan to.
Wishes can be a double-edged sword 'cause you get what you want and more. It's an incredible feeling when you don't expect much but you get something amazing--it helps you persevere through the bumpy parts of the road.
--By ?
1) In a state of restlessness, I craved change--I'm now experiencing lots of new things in most aspects of my life.
2) I wanted to spend my summer away from my area of residence--I landed a summer gig in a different state.
3) I wanted a job with benefits that I could use for myself and extend to my siblings--My summer gig has excellent perks that I can enjoy and share.
4) During the winter, I cussed at the cold and swore the next place place I lived would be hot---Now I'm in a state known for its record highs in summer (aren't they all?0. But it probably won't be as bad as my first summer in this country. A number of people said, "You must be used to this 'cause it's like Aahfrica." Hell no! I tried to enlighten them that my home wasn't the Sahara but lush green highlands.
5) I was feeling a bit isolated and wanted to be closer to people from home--I met a first cousin who lives in this area and he's totally cool! And tonight, I just met a former schoolmate from the first high school I went to. There are also family friends in the area (who I like!). The area is also big enough that you don't run into people unless you plan to.
Wishes can be a double-edged sword 'cause you get what you want and more. It's an incredible feeling when you don't expect much but you get something amazing--it helps you persevere through the bumpy parts of the road.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Seven Things
Finally, a belated response to Half'n'half's tag.
The Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.--Robert Burns
1. I like quotes, whether famous or unknown. I also like making lots of plans about every move I make in my life; I carry around a 2yr pocket size calendar where I jot down things I'll be doing tomorrow, next month, even next year and beyond. It helps me organize my life and I'd be totally lost without it. Of course things don't always go as planned--the last week and a half of my life has been like that. But I'm learning to let go of minor details and focus on the overall picture.
2. I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive. Not like Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets." I'll make the bed as soon as I get up, wash my hands frequently, and stack the dishes in the sink neatly if I'm not washing them right away. Just habit.
3. Another compulsion: a hot cup of coffee after I get up. I don't want to have a conversation in the morning till I've at least washed my face, brushed my teeth and drank a hot cup. Major points to anyone who brings a hot mug to me in my room.
4. When I like a song, I play it over and over and over again. Like ten times in a row or something. Then I usually forget about it.
5. My favorite horoscope is Yahoo Astrology. It's fun to read, and some of the personality traits for my sign are so right on.
6. One of my worst fears is to be stuck or trapped anywhere or in anything. I need to move around freely. Yet stability is also very important to me.
7. I'm a very private person so I tend to keep a lot of things to myself. But I reveal a lot of things in a humorous way.
The Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.--Robert Burns
1. I like quotes, whether famous or unknown. I also like making lots of plans about every move I make in my life; I carry around a 2yr pocket size calendar where I jot down things I'll be doing tomorrow, next month, even next year and beyond. It helps me organize my life and I'd be totally lost without it. Of course things don't always go as planned--the last week and a half of my life has been like that. But I'm learning to let go of minor details and focus on the overall picture.
2. I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive. Not like Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets." I'll make the bed as soon as I get up, wash my hands frequently, and stack the dishes in the sink neatly if I'm not washing them right away. Just habit.
3. Another compulsion: a hot cup of coffee after I get up. I don't want to have a conversation in the morning till I've at least washed my face, brushed my teeth and drank a hot cup. Major points to anyone who brings a hot mug to me in my room.
4. When I like a song, I play it over and over and over again. Like ten times in a row or something. Then I usually forget about it.
5. My favorite horoscope is Yahoo Astrology. It's fun to read, and some of the personality traits for my sign are so right on.
6. One of my worst fears is to be stuck or trapped anywhere or in anything. I need to move around freely. Yet stability is also very important to me.
7. I'm a very private person so I tend to keep a lot of things to myself. But I reveal a lot of things in a humorous way.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Finals
It's that wonderful time of year when we get to do final exams and hand in end of sem essays. 1 down, 4 to go. Then I'm getting the hell out of here for the summer.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
I like...part 3
1. The Standard article on women who don't want kids. It's refreshing to have our point of view out there.
2. Vitamin Water Formula 50.
3. Post-its. They're a brilliant invention.
4. Reading newspapers from cover to cover, even browsing through sections I don't really care for like sports. One of those die-hard Kenyan habits!
5. The sound of the saxophone. It's very sexy to watch a man play one.
6. Lounging in pajamas on my days off.
7. The fact that summer break is less than a month away and change is in the air.
2. Vitamin Water Formula 50.
3. Post-its. They're a brilliant invention.
4. Reading newspapers from cover to cover, even browsing through sections I don't really care for like sports. One of those die-hard Kenyan habits!
5. The sound of the saxophone. It's very sexy to watch a man play one.
6. Lounging in pajamas on my days off.
7. The fact that summer break is less than a month away and change is in the air.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Get-Away II
Just returned from the mountains. What's the point of Spring Break if you don't have a change from routine? Sometimes, you need a change of scenery. Unlike a previous trip , this one was spontaneous.(I've been accused of not being spontaneous). I took part in activities I haven't done in a long time: hiking and biking. My muscles are still aching from one of the hikes we took: it wasn't that long, approx. 3 miles--but we were going up a steep rocky mountain. I thought I was fit coz walking is part of my daily activity, but this was on another level. There were lot of families there and we'd see some small kids going up with ease--that time you're thinking "how can a kid who's 5 or 6 yrs old handle this and I can't?"
We also biked down a rocky, unpaved mountain road with multiple twists and turns. There were several times I was sure I'd fly over the handlebars. Like lots of people out there, I have a fear of heights. Now and then I have morbid thoughts. I pictured myself being thrown off the rocky cliff and dying--then people would be asking what killed me. The answer amused me: "she was mountain biking." Well, it wasn't that extreme, I just have an active imagination. I have renewed respect for outdoorsy people who hike and bike on a regular basis. The food was tasty and healthy plus we had a campfire with s'mores of course! (S'mores are toasted marshmallows smooshed between chocolate and graham crackers--they're so sweet that 1 or 2 is enough for me.) Most of the travellers were the young international crowd which is fun to hang around. You learn about culture and other ways of life and compare them to your own. I'm impressed with the travelling culture that people from other countries have: of course finances and visas determine freedom of movement. Travel seems to be a rite of passage in parts of the world, so even people who aren't super-wealthy go places. I think it's an excellent idea.
Watching: The Original Kings of Comedy (one of the few dvds I own)
Listening to: Furahiday by Nonini feat. Nameless
We also biked down a rocky, unpaved mountain road with multiple twists and turns. There were several times I was sure I'd fly over the handlebars. Like lots of people out there, I have a fear of heights. Now and then I have morbid thoughts. I pictured myself being thrown off the rocky cliff and dying--then people would be asking what killed me. The answer amused me: "she was mountain biking." Well, it wasn't that extreme, I just have an active imagination. I have renewed respect for outdoorsy people who hike and bike on a regular basis. The food was tasty and healthy plus we had a campfire with s'mores of course! (S'mores are toasted marshmallows smooshed between chocolate and graham crackers--they're so sweet that 1 or 2 is enough for me.) Most of the travellers were the young international crowd which is fun to hang around. You learn about culture and other ways of life and compare them to your own. I'm impressed with the travelling culture that people from other countries have: of course finances and visas determine freedom of movement. Travel seems to be a rite of passage in parts of the world, so even people who aren't super-wealthy go places. I think it's an excellent idea.
Watching: The Original Kings of Comedy (one of the few dvds I own)
Listening to: Furahiday by Nonini feat. Nameless
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Experience
by Emily Dickinson
I stepped from plank to plank
So slow and cautiously;
The stars about my head I felt,
About my feet the sea.
I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch,--
This gave me that precarious gait
Some call experience.
I stepped from plank to plank
So slow and cautiously;
The stars about my head I felt,
About my feet the sea.
I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch,--
This gave me that precarious gait
Some call experience.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
On Writing
WARNING: Long ramble ahead....
This time tomorrow, I'll be done with a major test and the essay I'm supposed to be working on right now. I've been trying not to be such a procrastinator. Got most of the studying done and even started on the paper but it's still incomplete. I aim for quality work but need motivation for dull topics. I prefer to write about stuff I feel passionate about. Which is one of the reasons I blog. However, I stay away from talking about work and my personal life. Not that I have lots of deep dark secrets, but some things are confidential, irrelevant, or just meant to be memories. This gives me space to express myself. I have lots of opinions on all kinds of things and can ramble on and on. I'm not super-talkative off-line. I usually listen and observe more during daily interactions and it's amazing how much people reveal. In the first half of my life, I used to be really shy. Then I went to boarding school where I had to speak up in order to navigate my way around. Became much more outgoing after high school. I envy some people's ability to put themselves out there so confidently.
That's part of the allure of the web, books, and movies: you peer into people's lives and even share their experiences. They can give you a glimpse of a world you will see. On the other hand the writer could be telling your story. I haven't written any books, but if I did, I wonder whether I'd use a pen name or my real name. It would probably depend on the topic. There's an appeal to being anonymous; you won't feel like you're being personally judged. Yet perhaps your identity adds to your work or is directly relevant e.g an autobiography. And there's that thrill of seeing your name in print! I got an article published once and actually got paid for it. Had to make a copy for my scrapbook coz who knew when it would happen again?
But in this world we live in, expressing personal opinions can be a dangerous thing if it threatens mainstream views: journalists and bloggers have been jailed for this. It happened to an Egyptian blogger. Then there was that infamous Standard Raid. Even in the Land of the Free....there's this guy called Josh Wolf who was just released from prison. Why was he even there in the first place? Because he refused to turn in a video tape of protesters to the police and to testify before a grand jury. The debate on rights goes on.
Some of my heroes are writers.
This time tomorrow, I'll be done with a major test and the essay I'm supposed to be working on right now. I've been trying not to be such a procrastinator. Got most of the studying done and even started on the paper but it's still incomplete. I aim for quality work but need motivation for dull topics. I prefer to write about stuff I feel passionate about. Which is one of the reasons I blog. However, I stay away from talking about work and my personal life. Not that I have lots of deep dark secrets, but some things are confidential, irrelevant, or just meant to be memories. This gives me space to express myself. I have lots of opinions on all kinds of things and can ramble on and on. I'm not super-talkative off-line. I usually listen and observe more during daily interactions and it's amazing how much people reveal. In the first half of my life, I used to be really shy. Then I went to boarding school where I had to speak up in order to navigate my way around. Became much more outgoing after high school. I envy some people's ability to put themselves out there so confidently.
That's part of the allure of the web, books, and movies: you peer into people's lives and even share their experiences. They can give you a glimpse of a world you will see. On the other hand the writer could be telling your story. I haven't written any books, but if I did, I wonder whether I'd use a pen name or my real name. It would probably depend on the topic. There's an appeal to being anonymous; you won't feel like you're being personally judged. Yet perhaps your identity adds to your work or is directly relevant e.g an autobiography. And there's that thrill of seeing your name in print! I got an article published once and actually got paid for it. Had to make a copy for my scrapbook coz who knew when it would happen again?
But in this world we live in, expressing personal opinions can be a dangerous thing if it threatens mainstream views: journalists and bloggers have been jailed for this. It happened to an Egyptian blogger. Then there was that infamous Standard Raid. Even in the Land of the Free....there's this guy called Josh Wolf who was just released from prison. Why was he even there in the first place? Because he refused to turn in a video tape of protesters to the police and to testify before a grand jury. The debate on rights goes on.
Some of my heroes are writers.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
"Going Under"
by Evanescence
Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me.
(going under)
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm...
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again (again)
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under
Lyrics courtesy of www.azlyrics.com
Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me.
(going under)
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm...
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again (again)
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under
I'm dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under
Lyrics courtesy of www.azlyrics.com
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Untitled
Just found out I passed a test I took about a month ago. It's a great relief coz now I don't have to take an extra class. You know that feeling of waiting for news? Like when you've just taken a major standardized test that will affect your future or you've just bared your innermost thoughts and feelings to somebody and you're not sure how they'll take it.... I hate not knowing because I tend to overanalyze things. Sometimes, I just block out everything to lessen my anxiety. Right now I'm studying for the GRE. I hear they'll be changing the format by September--the advice is to take it before the new version is out. Anybody out there with any tips on studying or taking it?
This month is practically over, and here's a quick look back at some highlights:
1) I saw Barack Obama! He's been criscrossing the country and visited my city. The crowds were enormous. I wished I was as tall as a basketball player coz there were so many people there. Spent most of the time trying to find a spot with a view of the podium. One thing I avoid is being right in the middle of a big crowd. If the crowd starts to stampede, the worst thing it to get trapped inside. Anyway, I'm positively starstruck and thoroughly impressed. I didn't hear the whole speech, but Obama is very articulate and good-looking.
2)Yeah, I'm a Pisces so I did have a birthday. I honestly didn't care about it or feel a need to celebrate anything: I know I should be grateful for a lot of things but I just wasn't feeling it. I got my wish: a very private celebration with champagne. My dear sibling made it special. I am glad to be older, although I don't look it. Yes, I'm used to the constant carding. But getting hit on by teenage boys who think I'm their agemate can be a bit much. A lot of these kids look and try to act older than their age but the talk gives them away. Anyway, they're usually polite so no harm done. Perhaps I should be a specimen for studying youth, maybe it's in my genes or is it my lifestyle?
3)I've stuck to my decision to eliminate meat and chicken from my diet for the past 6 weeks. Don't know if it will be permanent. I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian who eats fish and seafood. It's not an attempt to be pretentious=) I'm not fanatical about food but I'm health conscious. Growing up, we always ate lots of vegez and fruits at home. And drank bitter herbal concotions. And made our own juice with fruits from the garden (no sugar added). Felt sorry for some visitors who came to our house, got served a big glass of juice and had no choice but to be polite and gulp it down. Very few asked for a second glass! This was an inside joke between my siblings and I. Used to hate it myself, but now I actually choose to consume certain things that used to be forced on us. A weird thing happened when I got back from home. I ate chicken and some delicious tender lamb. Then I ate chicken again and it just didn't taste as good and then, "roho ilikataa." So, just decided to be vege (I've done it temporarily in the past but not by choice). Fish has Omega 4s so I'll keep it. Been eating lots of tofu and drinking green tea. I had a strange breakfast the other day: green tea and ice cream. Cutting back on sugar would be healthy but everyone has to indulge in something, ama?
Currently reading: Black Skin White Masks by Frantz Fanon and Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
This month is practically over, and here's a quick look back at some highlights:
1) I saw Barack Obama! He's been criscrossing the country and visited my city. The crowds were enormous. I wished I was as tall as a basketball player coz there were so many people there. Spent most of the time trying to find a spot with a view of the podium. One thing I avoid is being right in the middle of a big crowd. If the crowd starts to stampede, the worst thing it to get trapped inside. Anyway, I'm positively starstruck and thoroughly impressed. I didn't hear the whole speech, but Obama is very articulate and good-looking.
2)Yeah, I'm a Pisces so I did have a birthday. I honestly didn't care about it or feel a need to celebrate anything: I know I should be grateful for a lot of things but I just wasn't feeling it. I got my wish: a very private celebration with champagne. My dear sibling made it special. I am glad to be older, although I don't look it. Yes, I'm used to the constant carding. But getting hit on by teenage boys who think I'm their agemate can be a bit much. A lot of these kids look and try to act older than their age but the talk gives them away. Anyway, they're usually polite so no harm done. Perhaps I should be a specimen for studying youth, maybe it's in my genes or is it my lifestyle?
3)I've stuck to my decision to eliminate meat and chicken from my diet for the past 6 weeks. Don't know if it will be permanent. I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian who eats fish and seafood. It's not an attempt to be pretentious=) I'm not fanatical about food but I'm health conscious. Growing up, we always ate lots of vegez and fruits at home. And drank bitter herbal concotions. And made our own juice with fruits from the garden (no sugar added). Felt sorry for some visitors who came to our house, got served a big glass of juice and had no choice but to be polite and gulp it down. Very few asked for a second glass! This was an inside joke between my siblings and I. Used to hate it myself, but now I actually choose to consume certain things that used to be forced on us. A weird thing happened when I got back from home. I ate chicken and some delicious tender lamb. Then I ate chicken again and it just didn't taste as good and then, "roho ilikataa." So, just decided to be vege (I've done it temporarily in the past but not by choice). Fish has Omega 4s so I'll keep it. Been eating lots of tofu and drinking green tea. I had a strange breakfast the other day: green tea and ice cream. Cutting back on sugar would be healthy but everyone has to indulge in something, ama?
Currently reading: Black Skin White Masks by Frantz Fanon and Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sleep, The Undead, and The Dead
What's the longest you've gone without sleep? The Guinness world record holder is Randy Gardner who stayed awake for 11 days without any stimulants. It's unbelievable, no coffee? no drugs? for over a week? Amazing what the human body can survive. I value my sleep so when I don't get enough I have to make it up. On my days off one of my ideal activities is sleeping. For at least 8 hrs +. When I have to stay awake too long I start to feel like a zombie. And can't think straight.
Talking of zombies, I'm watching SouthPark all the way from season 1. Just saw the episode on "Pink-eye" when it's Halloween and there's the pink-eye epidemic---everyone who catches it goes around biting and attacking people (sounds like rabies) and Chef says they're the undead so they go to the morgue to find out the answers. I'm mildly curious about the 'undead'. I read "Dracula" a while back but haven't watched the movie. Don't care to either.
Last week we had a guest speaker in one of my classes who's a retired General from the Marines. He was one of the top guys during the Gulf War of 1990/91 and successfully led his division in defeating the Iraqi army and taking control of Kuwait. He was talking about casualties and said that before they set out, he was issed 8,000 body bags for his division of 20,000 marines (I don't recall the exact numbers). He talked about a lot of other things including the current war/occupation but the body bags issue just stayed on my mind. Bloody, brutal images were flashing through my mind and I felt a great sense of tragedy. To think of the soldiers who know they could be returning home in those body bags is a sad, empty feeling. What's going on in their minds? And while death is so final, surviving can be a harrowing experience according to the revelations from Walter Reed and personal accounts. The Buddhist teaching sums everything by stating: "Life is suffering."
Talking of zombies, I'm watching SouthPark all the way from season 1. Just saw the episode on "Pink-eye" when it's Halloween and there's the pink-eye epidemic---everyone who catches it goes around biting and attacking people (sounds like rabies) and Chef says they're the undead so they go to the morgue to find out the answers. I'm mildly curious about the 'undead'. I read "Dracula" a while back but haven't watched the movie. Don't care to either.
Last week we had a guest speaker in one of my classes who's a retired General from the Marines. He was one of the top guys during the Gulf War of 1990/91 and successfully led his division in defeating the Iraqi army and taking control of Kuwait. He was talking about casualties and said that before they set out, he was issed 8,000 body bags for his division of 20,000 marines (I don't recall the exact numbers). He talked about a lot of other things including the current war/occupation but the body bags issue just stayed on my mind. Bloody, brutal images were flashing through my mind and I felt a great sense of tragedy. To think of the soldiers who know they could be returning home in those body bags is a sad, empty feeling. What's going on in their minds? And while death is so final, surviving can be a harrowing experience according to the revelations from Walter Reed and personal accounts. The Buddhist teaching sums everything by stating: "Life is suffering."
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
What Women Want
A week or two ago, I was chatting with a random guy (30-40something yrs old)and I figured that he'd had a couple of drinks sometime that evening. He was rather talkative. He went off on a tangent about marriage then posed the question, "Isn't that what all women want? To get married?" Wow, since when did I become an expert on what all women want? I can't even figure out what I want half the time....what would make me qualified to answer on behalf of others? I took the diplomatic route and told the guy that there are some women who are eager to get married, but others who aren't. "But why not?" he persisted.
"They may have other priorities or goals they want to accomplish first" I answered. Or they haven't met anyone they want to marry, I thought to myself.
He didn't seem to believe me. "A guy like me, I'm rich and I would make a good husband." He was better looking than average and well dressed. But there's so much more that can't be revealed in one glance.
I was on my way home and didn't want to get drawn into an endless discussion so I took the easy route and complimented him, "I'm sure you will make some girl very happy" then I walked away.
So, what do women want? This question has been asked over and over again. (The Mel Gibson movie is kinda funny. I have issues with him about his latest movie on the Mayans, but that's a different topic.) I am a little curious about women out there would say to complete the following phrase:
A man must_________________________.
One of my buddies said that a man must have a car. I don't hold the same view. I say a man must have intelligence and a sense of humor and use each one appropriately.
This post isn't totally about marriage. It's also about the assumptions people make about what others think or want. These may be true or perhaps not at all. For example, if you've been on a long trip or walking outside in the heat and you arrive at somebody's house, it would be safe for them to assume that you are hungry and thirsty and offer some refreshments. However, when it comes to our thoughts, belief systems, wants, and desires, it gets tricky. People don't always reveal their deepest desires or thoughts to others. If you ask someone, "what's on your mind?" They may actually tell you what they're thinking about. However, if they think that it's too personal, or you can't handle it, they will give you a bullshit answer. There times I've asked that question. People can be surprisingly honest about what they're thinking. At times, I answer the question very candidly and can tell when a person becomes uncomfortable because they didn't actually expect me to be so straight up. Where am I going with this? Nowhere, just sharing what's on my mind right now.
"They may have other priorities or goals they want to accomplish first" I answered. Or they haven't met anyone they want to marry, I thought to myself.
He didn't seem to believe me. "A guy like me, I'm rich and I would make a good husband." He was better looking than average and well dressed. But there's so much more that can't be revealed in one glance.
I was on my way home and didn't want to get drawn into an endless discussion so I took the easy route and complimented him, "I'm sure you will make some girl very happy" then I walked away.
So, what do women want? This question has been asked over and over again. (The Mel Gibson movie is kinda funny. I have issues with him about his latest movie on the Mayans, but that's a different topic.) I am a little curious about women out there would say to complete the following phrase:
A man must_________________________.
One of my buddies said that a man must have a car. I don't hold the same view. I say a man must have intelligence and a sense of humor and use each one appropriately.
This post isn't totally about marriage. It's also about the assumptions people make about what others think or want. These may be true or perhaps not at all. For example, if you've been on a long trip or walking outside in the heat and you arrive at somebody's house, it would be safe for them to assume that you are hungry and thirsty and offer some refreshments. However, when it comes to our thoughts, belief systems, wants, and desires, it gets tricky. People don't always reveal their deepest desires or thoughts to others. If you ask someone, "what's on your mind?" They may actually tell you what they're thinking about. However, if they think that it's too personal, or you can't handle it, they will give you a bullshit answer. There times I've asked that question. People can be surprisingly honest about what they're thinking. At times, I answer the question very candidly and can tell when a person becomes uncomfortable because they didn't actually expect me to be so straight up. Where am I going with this? Nowhere, just sharing what's on my mind right now.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Evolution
I haven't posted a new entry in almost 10 days. Some days, I can't put thoughts together coherently. Or I write stuff I don't want anybody to read. Did I lose my mojo? Hope not! It's not because I haven't had any thoughts or views to air. Or that I'm that that boring. (What an insulting description.) In fact some people seem to think I'm rather entertaining. (Eyes roll...) How else would you interpret the statement, "I'm so bored so I decided to call you"? What am I, a TV channel? I know, it may have been meant as a compliment but it can be mildly irritating to say the least. I lead a rather ordinary existence. Been working night shifts while having classes during the day so my body is just off.
Thankfully, I have a relatively drama-free life. But you know how we all love to hear storoz about other people's drama...for example, The Acolyte's popular drama posts have kept many of us on edge, impatiently waiting for the next one. I recently heard about a situation involving a chic fresh from Kenya, a young man she met at church, and her distant relative by marriage. I'm not at liberty to discuss details coz I don't know the whole story, plus I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issues online no matter how distant our relationship. Anyway,many of us know of incidents like these (although circumstances vary). With modern communication, beef that happens next door is being discussed by relaz at home the next day. Phone calls are made, emails are sent, and battle lines are drawn. I want to avoid taking sides, especially if I hear only one side of the story. Parents and older relaz will often jump to one's defense by stating, "But she's such a good girl! She would always cook and help out in the house...." So what? Newfound freedom can ignite new fires and allow people to express suppressed thoughts and desires. Leaving the sheltered cocoon of home often causes people to harden and take risks they wouldn't have imagined.It doesn't automatically make one 'bad'. Change is inevitable, be it drastic or subtle. That's life. Evolution.
Thankfully, I have a relatively drama-free life. But you know how we all love to hear storoz about other people's drama...for example, The Acolyte's popular drama posts have kept many of us on edge, impatiently waiting for the next one. I recently heard about a situation involving a chic fresh from Kenya, a young man she met at church, and her distant relative by marriage. I'm not at liberty to discuss details coz I don't know the whole story, plus I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issues online no matter how distant our relationship. Anyway,many of us know of incidents like these (although circumstances vary). With modern communication, beef that happens next door is being discussed by relaz at home the next day. Phone calls are made, emails are sent, and battle lines are drawn. I want to avoid taking sides, especially if I hear only one side of the story. Parents and older relaz will often jump to one's defense by stating, "But she's such a good girl! She would always cook and help out in the house...." So what? Newfound freedom can ignite new fires and allow people to express suppressed thoughts and desires. Leaving the sheltered cocoon of home often causes people to harden and take risks they wouldn't have imagined.It doesn't automatically make one 'bad'. Change is inevitable, be it drastic or subtle. That's life. Evolution.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Dognapped! and HPV
Some pure-bred Yorkshire terriers were dognapped at gunpoint from their home in L.A. Now, all except one have been returned. What is this world coming to? The puppies are really adorable.
There's a debate on whether the HPV vaccine should be compulsory for girls in 6th grade onwards. First of all, I hate that issues concerning women's reproductive health are always politicized. I don't hear any debates about Viagra. This should be a personal choice. I believe in the benefits of the vaccine although the idea of making it compulsory isn't appealing. A lot of conservative parents are opposed to the idea and they have a right to be. But should a parent's conservative beliefs be enforced if they're detrimental to the child? For example, Jehovah's witnesses refuse blood transfusions. What happens when a child is in dire need of one but the peroz refuse based on their religious beliefs? Technically, it can't be done without their consent unless perhaps in an emergency (even that is a gray area). Anyway, the debate is on.
There's a debate on whether the HPV vaccine should be compulsory for girls in 6th grade onwards. First of all, I hate that issues concerning women's reproductive health are always politicized. I don't hear any debates about Viagra. This should be a personal choice. I believe in the benefits of the vaccine although the idea of making it compulsory isn't appealing. A lot of conservative parents are opposed to the idea and they have a right to be. But should a parent's conservative beliefs be enforced if they're detrimental to the child? For example, Jehovah's witnesses refuse blood transfusions. What happens when a child is in dire need of one but the peroz refuse based on their religious beliefs? Technically, it can't be done without their consent unless perhaps in an emergency (even that is a gray area). Anyway, the debate is on.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
On Misery
I give up.
On learning how to swim.
And other things.
I'm reading an anthology for a humanities class and the statement below stuck in my mind:
"You're both in the throes of misery, so you're blind to each other's misery"
--by Michio Hisauchi in Japan's Junglest Day
On learning how to swim.
And other things.
I'm reading an anthology for a humanities class and the statement below stuck in my mind:
"You're both in the throes of misery, so you're blind to each other's misery"
--by Michio Hisauchi in Japan's Junglest Day
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Glimpses of home
I always talk about the beauty of Kenya, and specifically the rolling countryside where I spent most of my life. So, here's some proof that it's not a desert! I didn't take these pictures, so I have to give credit to the brilliant and skilled photographer J. who I had the honor of meeting while I was home.
Waking up to this beautiful sight is practically a daily occurrence. The opposite of the miserable weather I have to deal with right now.
The road home...which was supposed to be tarmacked about 10+ years ago. It's probably a good thing it remained this way. I was once riding in the back of a pick-up truck along this road and almost fell off! It can be a bumpy ride.
Now, here's a great reason to go for a nature walk!
Waking up to this beautiful sight is practically a daily occurrence. The opposite of the miserable weather I have to deal with right now.
The road home...which was supposed to be tarmacked about 10+ years ago. It's probably a good thing it remained this way. I was once riding in the back of a pick-up truck along this road and almost fell off! It can be a bumpy ride.
Now, here's a great reason to go for a nature walk!
I am a Pig! This is my year.
So much has been happening around the world. And even though some of the news is "old" I'm gonna share my 2 cents.
Barrack Obama is making history. No matter what the outcome is. Wish I got a chance to see him in person, but don't have the budget for the exclusive events. The question whether he is "black" enough is so dumb that it doesn't even warrant an answer. Ati some black leaders were offended that he made his candidacy announcement on the same day as the State of the Black Union (never heard of this day till recently). Anyhow, Hillary has compe! If I could vote, it's clear where my vote would go.
Rats are found in a Taco Bell. I'm so glad I haven't eaten there in years! Ati,we used to hear about this place when we were in Kenya from people who'd spent their summers in the States. I used to think it was all that till I saw it for myself. It's on my list of "places to eat when I'm starving in the middle of nowhere." Even then, I'm sure there'd be a McDonald's around the corner.
The Chinese New Year was about 10 days ago. It is the year of the Pig/Boar. We didn't eat pork growing up because of religious taboo and tradition (I'd sneakily eat bacon on occasion). So, imagine our reaction on visiting a Chinese friend's house for a celebratory meal and being presented with a cooked pig in the middle of the table. I ate some to be polite. Plus I was curious. It was kinda tasty. I was given some lucky money in an envelope (leisee) by someone last year so I keep that as souvenir. I'm taking a class about Chinese culture and I've been struck by the similarities we have.
It just happens that I was born in the year of the pig some 20+ years ago. I'm reading about the qualities us piggies possess and I've got to admit some ring true, like I know a lot of people but few I'd call friends. Words like 'chivalrous', 'gallant', and 'loyal' make me think of a knight. Maybe I was one in my past life...
"People born in the Year of the Pig are chivalrous and gallant. Whatever they do, they do with all their strength. For Boar Year people, there is no left or right and there is no retreat. They have tremendous fortitude and great honesty. They don't make many friends but they make them for life, and anyone having a Boar Year friend is fortunate for they are extremely loyal. They don't talk much but have a great thirst for knowledge. They study a great deal and are generally well informed. Boar people are quick tempered, yet they hate arguments and quarreling. They are kind to their loved ones. No matter how bad problems seem to be, Boar people try to work them out, honestly if sometimes impulsively."
---adapted from the Chinese Cultural Center
Any fellow pigs out there?
Barrack Obama is making history. No matter what the outcome is. Wish I got a chance to see him in person, but don't have the budget for the exclusive events. The question whether he is "black" enough is so dumb that it doesn't even warrant an answer. Ati some black leaders were offended that he made his candidacy announcement on the same day as the State of the Black Union (never heard of this day till recently). Anyhow, Hillary has compe! If I could vote, it's clear where my vote would go.
Rats are found in a Taco Bell. I'm so glad I haven't eaten there in years! Ati,we used to hear about this place when we were in Kenya from people who'd spent their summers in the States. I used to think it was all that till I saw it for myself. It's on my list of "places to eat when I'm starving in the middle of nowhere." Even then, I'm sure there'd be a McDonald's around the corner.
The Chinese New Year was about 10 days ago. It is the year of the Pig/Boar. We didn't eat pork growing up because of religious taboo and tradition (I'd sneakily eat bacon on occasion). So, imagine our reaction on visiting a Chinese friend's house for a celebratory meal and being presented with a cooked pig in the middle of the table. I ate some to be polite. Plus I was curious. It was kinda tasty. I was given some lucky money in an envelope (leisee) by someone last year so I keep that as souvenir. I'm taking a class about Chinese culture and I've been struck by the similarities we have.
It just happens that I was born in the year of the pig some 20+ years ago. I'm reading about the qualities us piggies possess and I've got to admit some ring true, like I know a lot of people but few I'd call friends. Words like 'chivalrous', 'gallant', and 'loyal' make me think of a knight. Maybe I was one in my past life...
"People born in the Year of the Pig are chivalrous and gallant. Whatever they do, they do with all their strength. For Boar Year people, there is no left or right and there is no retreat. They have tremendous fortitude and great honesty. They don't make many friends but they make them for life, and anyone having a Boar Year friend is fortunate for they are extremely loyal. They don't talk much but have a great thirst for knowledge. They study a great deal and are generally well informed. Boar people are quick tempered, yet they hate arguments and quarreling. They are kind to their loved ones. No matter how bad problems seem to be, Boar people try to work them out, honestly if sometimes impulsively."
---adapted from the Chinese Cultural Center
Any fellow pigs out there?
Monday, February 19, 2007
Gifts and 5 Things
I am a weird person.
I don't like getting gifts unless they're from blood relatives or very close friends. Why? Because, then I feel like I owe the person something. I hate that feeling. And there are always strings attached. Very few people have the heart to give you something just for the sake of it. Especially if it's a guy. Am I too cynical? Or did I get converted to the individualistic, self-sufficient American way of thinking? The polite thing to say when somebody gives you a gift or a compliment is "Thank you." But what if you don't feel comfortable with the gift or don't believe the compliment? Is it rude to say so? But then, I'd have to launch into lengthy explanations which may not even make sense to anyone. Feelings and beliefs aren't always logical, but they can still be valid.
5 things that irritate/piss me off:
1. Hanging out with somebody who's constantly yapping on their cellphone endlessly on non-urgent calls.
2. Being put on hold for a long time while being forced to listen to bad music or commercials. And automated voice systems.
3. When a person states "That job is so easy!" yet they've never had any experience or in-depth knowledge of that line of work.
4. Married people or parents who think that life is so simple for those of us who aren't. While I realize there are heavy responsibilities when you're attached to another human for life, it's not like the rest of us don't have responsibilities. In addition to this, parents who take over the entire sidewalk with strollers in a busy area. Can't they go to the park or something? Just get out of my way.
5. Bad coffee.
P.S. There's Kenyatta Day and Moi Day. Will there be Kibaki day? Just wondering....
I don't like getting gifts unless they're from blood relatives or very close friends. Why? Because, then I feel like I owe the person something. I hate that feeling. And there are always strings attached. Very few people have the heart to give you something just for the sake of it. Especially if it's a guy. Am I too cynical? Or did I get converted to the individualistic, self-sufficient American way of thinking? The polite thing to say when somebody gives you a gift or a compliment is "Thank you." But what if you don't feel comfortable with the gift or don't believe the compliment? Is it rude to say so? But then, I'd have to launch into lengthy explanations which may not even make sense to anyone. Feelings and beliefs aren't always logical, but they can still be valid.
5 things that irritate/piss me off:
1. Hanging out with somebody who's constantly yapping on their cellphone endlessly on non-urgent calls.
2. Being put on hold for a long time while being forced to listen to bad music or commercials. And automated voice systems.
3. When a person states "That job is so easy!" yet they've never had any experience or in-depth knowledge of that line of work.
4. Married people or parents who think that life is so simple for those of us who aren't. While I realize there are heavy responsibilities when you're attached to another human for life, it's not like the rest of us don't have responsibilities. In addition to this, parents who take over the entire sidewalk with strollers in a busy area. Can't they go to the park or something? Just get out of my way.
5. Bad coffee.
P.S. There's Kenyatta Day and Moi Day. Will there be Kibaki day? Just wondering....
Thursday, February 15, 2007
It's Over
The most hilarious Valentine's post this year is by Ichiena. Check it out! And
Modoathii had some wicked advice on avoiding the whole Valo drama.
Even though I didn't care to celebrate the day, I got a few messages wishin' me happy val's. The award for the earliest message goes to a dude in Nairobi who asked me to be his valentine a month ago. It was kinda sweet. Dude, how did you know I have a thing for guys in uniform? Thanks for giving me directions when I was lost. Doubt if we'll meet again.
Now,the one person I wanted to hear from yesterday didn't contact me. Not that I was expecting anything apart from a call or even a text saying "how r u." Even though the last time we were together, I was in a bad mood. Because of a situation that I was trying to handle earlier that day. When I say have things on my mind, it's usually quite serious. I have to make some decisions that will affect not only me but others around me. And there are issues going on that I can't control. I won't go into details. I don't like confrontations but I see one coming up. I'm not perfect and don't like criticizing but I have to express my views and feelings.
Modoathii had some wicked advice on avoiding the whole Valo drama.
Even though I didn't care to celebrate the day, I got a few messages wishin' me happy val's. The award for the earliest message goes to a dude in Nairobi who asked me to be his valentine a month ago. It was kinda sweet. Dude, how did you know I have a thing for guys in uniform? Thanks for giving me directions when I was lost. Doubt if we'll meet again.
Now,the one person I wanted to hear from yesterday didn't contact me. Not that I was expecting anything apart from a call or even a text saying "how r u." Even though the last time we were together, I was in a bad mood. Because of a situation that I was trying to handle earlier that day. When I say have things on my mind, it's usually quite serious. I have to make some decisions that will affect not only me but others around me. And there are issues going on that I can't control. I won't go into details. I don't like confrontations but I see one coming up. I'm not perfect and don't like criticizing but I have to express my views and feelings.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Jekyll/Hyde and Who's the Daddy?
What's with the shooting rampage lately? I mean non-gang, non-hunting related shooting. A business meeting in Philadelphia turns deadly. Even malls are gonna start having some serious security after the incident in Salt Lake City. “He was a such a good boy. I don’t know what happened” is what a relative said about the gunman. Don't we people always say that? So basically, all these good people just snap one day and nobody has a clue why they're frustrated enough to kill? I wonder if they plan it calmly or just act in the heat of the moment? Perhaps we all have a Mr. Hyde in us although the world only sees the wonderful Dr. Jekyll.
News stations tend to pick high profile stories and focus on them exclusively. I am so over the circus surrounding Anna Nicole's death. I barely watch tv but every time I pass by one, yet another dude has crawled out of the woodwork claiming to be the father of her kid. They should do that DNA test in a rush and conclude the affair. But the bigger question is about the huge fortune. I just want to know what happens in the end.
News stations tend to pick high profile stories and focus on them exclusively. I am so over the circus surrounding Anna Nicole's death. I barely watch tv but every time I pass by one, yet another dude has crawled out of the woodwork claiming to be the father of her kid. They should do that DNA test in a rush and conclude the affair. But the bigger question is about the huge fortune. I just want to know what happens in the end.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
San Diego & Anti-Valentine's
Didn't make it to San Diego for the 7's this year. Just waiting to hear all about it from buddies who went. I first visited the city a number of summers ago and was so impressed. Stayed in the Gaslamp quarter, went to Balboa Park and Coronado island. Also crossed the border to Tijuana for a day trip; ate delicious food and drank lots of margaritas. Walking down the streets, some people would smile excitedly and yell out "Moesha", it took a while to figure it out though. I guess Brandy was the most popular black female in Tijuana at the time. It was amusing coz nobody looked like her. I'd rank San Diego as one of the best places to live in the U.S. out of the cities I've visited.
This weekend was somewhat productive: worked, finished an essay, and went to an Anti-Valentine's Day party. Of course there were couples:)The buddies who hosted it always have the greatest themed parties and they have a cool crowd of friends so you're sure to mingle with interesting people. In fact, I met a girl who lives 2 blocks away from me. What sucks about Valentines is that if you're a single female and everyone around you is getting flowers and chocolates delivered then you'll be wishing someone would send you some. (Come on admit it!) And if you're part of a couple (esp. a new one), the expectations may not be clear especially for dudes. If the guy doesn't do anything, he'll risk pissing of the chic coz it's seems that he's not acknowledging the relationship. But then again if he's a romantic and goes all out, maybe the chic doesn't even care for the whole flowers-chocolates-dinner routine. Seems like a sexist day, coz what gifts do the guys get?
I'm so into the song "Nibebe" by Nyota Ndogo featuring Nonini. Nyota Ndogo has such a beautiful, melodic voice. I read her life story (can't remember the link) about her family struggles and her journey to stardom. She deserves all the success coming her way.
By the way, there's a really catchy Kenyan song that goes "Najua unaipenda unaitaka pia..." Does anybody know who did it?
This weekend was somewhat productive: worked, finished an essay, and went to an Anti-Valentine's Day party. Of course there were couples:)The buddies who hosted it always have the greatest themed parties and they have a cool crowd of friends so you're sure to mingle with interesting people. In fact, I met a girl who lives 2 blocks away from me. What sucks about Valentines is that if you're a single female and everyone around you is getting flowers and chocolates delivered then you'll be wishing someone would send you some. (Come on admit it!) And if you're part of a couple (esp. a new one), the expectations may not be clear especially for dudes. If the guy doesn't do anything, he'll risk pissing of the chic coz it's seems that he's not acknowledging the relationship. But then again if he's a romantic and goes all out, maybe the chic doesn't even care for the whole flowers-chocolates-dinner routine. Seems like a sexist day, coz what gifts do the guys get?
I'm so into the song "Nibebe" by Nyota Ndogo featuring Nonini. Nyota Ndogo has such a beautiful, melodic voice. I read her life story (can't remember the link) about her family struggles and her journey to stardom. She deserves all the success coming her way.
By the way, there's a really catchy Kenyan song that goes "Najua unaipenda unaitaka pia..." Does anybody know who did it?
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Directions
We all need directions at one point or another. It's great to have signs and symbols to guide us. But it seems like even the most obvious things come with directions. Like a drink that says "twist cap open and drink." But in this extremely litigious society, everything has to be disclosed and stated, even though it seems obvious. That's why the average person has to sign like 100 kinds of contracts and releases for everything. Not reading and understanding the fine print can totally mess you up as some of us learned the hard way. Or, if you don't ask certain questions,you just won't know. Information is a valuable commodity.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Decisions
Decisions.
We've all have to make them. I'm torn between some right now. I tend to overanalyze some things and then put off making a choice because I'm thinking of how it will affect future plans. However,I have to act soon and think about here and now as well as the future.
We've all have to make them. I'm torn between some right now. I tend to overanalyze some things and then put off making a choice because I'm thinking of how it will affect future plans. However,I have to act soon and think about here and now as well as the future.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Superbowl Sunday
This won't be a replay of the game coz I didn't watch it but heard the Indianapolis Colts won. I just needed a catchy title:) I rarely watch tv, but I'm into Nigerian movies.
So I got through 2 swimming lessons last week. It's fun so far! Even though the water is cold ( thought the pool would be heated), you feel really great afterwards. I can hardly wait for warm weather.
School has started off quite well. Maybe I'm a nerd, but I really like school! Last sem was tougher coz of making the transition back to the academic world, but now I'm more comfortable and can find my way around. Plus, I'm taking some fun classes (in addition to swimming). One is a humanities class where we read lots of interesting books (including Things Fall Apart and The Brideprice). If I could get college credit for all the books I've read, maybe I could graduate sooner! The professor for this class is also quite a character. The class was packed on the first day (good sign) and when he was talking about his expectations, he'd say "I don't give a shit about..." He's very laid back and well-travelled, including to several countries on "the continent of Africa." I like that he's very knowledgable about non-Western cultures. It irritates me to hear people say "I went to Africa" as though it's one town. Please be specific, it's a huge continent, with so much variation and I've only seen a small portion of it.
On the other hand, there are also people in Kenya who don't seem to realize that the U.S. is a huge country! Some states are bigger than our country. Some people at home were asking me about their kids 'n relaz as though we're all neighbors. I rarely even see some neighbors and buddies are scattered in different places. If there's a major event, like the upcoming Rugby 7's, that's when most of us meet. When I went to apply for an ID, the dude there was asking me if I knew his nephew in Wisconsin (or Wyoming). I've never been to either one of those places. Furthermore, we all come from the same populous tribe with huge extended families. I barely know some of my own relaz so what's the probability of me knowing some random dude in Wisconsin?
It doesn't hurt to ask though, coz improbable things do happen. Like running into an old schoolmate you haven't seen in almost 10yrs on the streets of Nairobi. Yup, it happened to me. It was one of the few days that I was there, exploring the small section of the city that I know just coz it's close to my Uncle's office. I was so happy to reconnect with her. It's an amazing feeling to be somewhere where you have a history. It's a great feeling to belong and not have to constantly explain yourself. Home was different because most of my friends had left the country about the same time I did. And didn't stay in touch with others. So I know very few people around my age there. I was also on holiday after most people visiting had already left. It's too bad that I missed the KBW meetup. When you interact with people online, you start to guess what they're like in person. I read Half'n'half's post about why she missed the meetup and I can see where she's coming from. Although, unlike her, I think that my chances of already knowing anybody in KBW are slim to none. I'd enjoy meeting a number of KBWers in person. I'm a little shy with groups so I do better one-on-one. It's a funny thing, but sometimes it's easier to be more honest and real with strangers coz they don't have a preconceived idea of who you are and have nothing to gain or lose from your actions. If you do something that people who know you don't expect, they can get shocked. Does that mean that they didn't know you that well to begin with? Or they just don't know this side of you?
So I got through 2 swimming lessons last week. It's fun so far! Even though the water is cold ( thought the pool would be heated), you feel really great afterwards. I can hardly wait for warm weather.
School has started off quite well. Maybe I'm a nerd, but I really like school! Last sem was tougher coz of making the transition back to the academic world, but now I'm more comfortable and can find my way around. Plus, I'm taking some fun classes (in addition to swimming). One is a humanities class where we read lots of interesting books (including Things Fall Apart and The Brideprice). If I could get college credit for all the books I've read, maybe I could graduate sooner! The professor for this class is also quite a character. The class was packed on the first day (good sign) and when he was talking about his expectations, he'd say "I don't give a shit about..." He's very laid back and well-travelled, including to several countries on "the continent of Africa." I like that he's very knowledgable about non-Western cultures. It irritates me to hear people say "I went to Africa" as though it's one town. Please be specific, it's a huge continent, with so much variation and I've only seen a small portion of it.
On the other hand, there are also people in Kenya who don't seem to realize that the U.S. is a huge country! Some states are bigger than our country. Some people at home were asking me about their kids 'n relaz as though we're all neighbors. I rarely even see some neighbors and buddies are scattered in different places. If there's a major event, like the upcoming Rugby 7's, that's when most of us meet. When I went to apply for an ID, the dude there was asking me if I knew his nephew in Wisconsin (or Wyoming). I've never been to either one of those places. Furthermore, we all come from the same populous tribe with huge extended families. I barely know some of my own relaz so what's the probability of me knowing some random dude in Wisconsin?
It doesn't hurt to ask though, coz improbable things do happen. Like running into an old schoolmate you haven't seen in almost 10yrs on the streets of Nairobi. Yup, it happened to me. It was one of the few days that I was there, exploring the small section of the city that I know just coz it's close to my Uncle's office. I was so happy to reconnect with her. It's an amazing feeling to be somewhere where you have a history. It's a great feeling to belong and not have to constantly explain yourself. Home was different because most of my friends had left the country about the same time I did. And didn't stay in touch with others. So I know very few people around my age there. I was also on holiday after most people visiting had already left. It's too bad that I missed the KBW meetup. When you interact with people online, you start to guess what they're like in person. I read Half'n'half's post about why she missed the meetup and I can see where she's coming from. Although, unlike her, I think that my chances of already knowing anybody in KBW are slim to none. I'd enjoy meeting a number of KBWers in person. I'm a little shy with groups so I do better one-on-one. It's a funny thing, but sometimes it's easier to be more honest and real with strangers coz they don't have a preconceived idea of who you are and have nothing to gain or lose from your actions. If you do something that people who know you don't expect, they can get shocked. Does that mean that they didn't know you that well to begin with? Or they just don't know this side of you?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
I Flew Around the World
When I was a kid, we'd often accompany an uncle to the airport as he jetsetted to work in different parts of the world. I was envious of the people (mostly junguz) lugging suitcases and backpacks ready to fly out. Who cares where they were going? It was an adventure. I'd listen wide-eyed as my Dad and Uncle would regale us with stories of life abroad. Little did I know that someday, I, too, would be one of those travellers....
_________________________________________________
How do you know that you live in shagz?
When an answer to "Unaishi wapi?" results in: "You know K? Sawa, wakati unaelekea P, unapitia barabara ya kuenda R, halafu ukifika sokoni T unaingia ndani. Fuata barabara kwa kilomita nane na utafika C."
To keep it simple, I often shorten the answer to K, the main town where everybody goes shopping and to have some fun.
Change is unavoidable. Progress at home is invariably measured in terms of land and construction. It happens in the cities and extends to the villages. I was somewhat amazed at the structures that had mushroomed on a previously open field where cows grazed occasionally. I remember the days when we'd buy sweets at the main kiosk and eat chips and nyama fry at the main "hoteli." Now, there are a dozen. And that hoteli no longer exists:(
_________________________________________________
Sidenote:***For anybody visiting Kenya for the first time, beware that the word 'hotel' is used rather liberally. It can describe a luxurious 5-star hotel, a dingy backstreet lodging above a bar, or a place to eat. On our drive home from Nairobi, I spotted the sign "Undugu Silent Hotel." It was one of those simple buildings with a mabati roof. Sure enough, all the windows were boarded up and there was no sign of life. So, do you think the guests are instructed to shut up as soon as they enter? I find so much humor in Kenyan life=)
_________________________________________________
Familiarity is comforting. Walking into my bedroom and seeing the curtains and wall hangings just warmed me up. I enjoyed being in my parents' house that has a beautiful yard with trees, flowers, and a vegetable garden. I used to take it all for granted and never understood when visitors would rave about the beauty around us. I can see why my parents moved us there. I currently live in an apartment in a densely populated urban area so I appreciated all the space. I never used to get the idea of going to a park till I lived in this area.
I found it strange that some people thought I didn't understand Kiswahili well. Nobody can mistake me for a Tzian (although this actually happened one day) or someone from Coast; I don't speak sheng and wouldn't be able to write a prize-winning insha, but I do get by. Of course, I'd love to stay in either one of those places and be able to speak Swa with that rhythmic, melodic sound.
______________________________________________
Aviatophobia, aviophobia, or pteromerhanophobia are words used to describe the fear of flying (courtesy of wiki). Often, fear stems from the fact that you don't know what to expect. The first time I got on a plane, it was a domestic flight. I was very excited. I remember fumbling with the seatbelt before the kind gentleman next to me helped me snap it in place.
Domestic flights in the U.S. are relatively affordable, but there are still tons of Americans who've never been on a plane. There are always risks you have to take. On the last stretch of my flight back here, we delayed on the runway for over an hour while the engines were being checked out. Strangely, I wasn't anxious, just irritated. When I think about being in a plane crash, my first thought is about life insurance coz chances of surviving are slim. I'm not a morbid person, but I have preferences: I don't want to drown, die in a car, or have a chronic illness that will kill me painfully over many years. I have relatives who've died under suspicious circumstances that leave many questions unanswered. It's been said that the only certainties are death and taxes. I'll save my tax rant for another day (or night).
_________________________________________________
How do you know that you live in shagz?
When an answer to "Unaishi wapi?" results in: "You know K? Sawa, wakati unaelekea P, unapitia barabara ya kuenda R, halafu ukifika sokoni T unaingia ndani. Fuata barabara kwa kilomita nane na utafika C."
To keep it simple, I often shorten the answer to K, the main town where everybody goes shopping and to have some fun.
Change is unavoidable. Progress at home is invariably measured in terms of land and construction. It happens in the cities and extends to the villages. I was somewhat amazed at the structures that had mushroomed on a previously open field where cows grazed occasionally. I remember the days when we'd buy sweets at the main kiosk and eat chips and nyama fry at the main "hoteli." Now, there are a dozen. And that hoteli no longer exists:(
_________________________________________________
Sidenote:***For anybody visiting Kenya for the first time, beware that the word 'hotel' is used rather liberally. It can describe a luxurious 5-star hotel, a dingy backstreet lodging above a bar, or a place to eat. On our drive home from Nairobi, I spotted the sign "Undugu Silent Hotel." It was one of those simple buildings with a mabati roof. Sure enough, all the windows were boarded up and there was no sign of life. So, do you think the guests are instructed to shut up as soon as they enter? I find so much humor in Kenyan life=)
_________________________________________________
Familiarity is comforting. Walking into my bedroom and seeing the curtains and wall hangings just warmed me up. I enjoyed being in my parents' house that has a beautiful yard with trees, flowers, and a vegetable garden. I used to take it all for granted and never understood when visitors would rave about the beauty around us. I can see why my parents moved us there. I currently live in an apartment in a densely populated urban area so I appreciated all the space. I never used to get the idea of going to a park till I lived in this area.
I found it strange that some people thought I didn't understand Kiswahili well. Nobody can mistake me for a Tzian (although this actually happened one day) or someone from Coast; I don't speak sheng and wouldn't be able to write a prize-winning insha, but I do get by. Of course, I'd love to stay in either one of those places and be able to speak Swa with that rhythmic, melodic sound.
______________________________________________
Aviatophobia, aviophobia, or pteromerhanophobia are words used to describe the fear of flying (courtesy of wiki). Often, fear stems from the fact that you don't know what to expect. The first time I got on a plane, it was a domestic flight. I was very excited. I remember fumbling with the seatbelt before the kind gentleman next to me helped me snap it in place.
Domestic flights in the U.S. are relatively affordable, but there are still tons of Americans who've never been on a plane. There are always risks you have to take. On the last stretch of my flight back here, we delayed on the runway for over an hour while the engines were being checked out. Strangely, I wasn't anxious, just irritated. When I think about being in a plane crash, my first thought is about life insurance coz chances of surviving are slim. I'm not a morbid person, but I have preferences: I don't want to drown, die in a car, or have a chronic illness that will kill me painfully over many years. I have relatives who've died under suspicious circumstances that leave many questions unanswered. It's been said that the only certainties are death and taxes. I'll save my tax rant for another day (or night).
Friday, January 26, 2007
Resolutions? Goals? Aspirations?
I've read some blogs where New Year's "resolutions" have been thrown out the window in favor of "goals." And I'm liking it. So, pardon me as I dub your ideas and share a few of the goals I have for this year 2007:
1)Learn how to swim--in the deep end without floaters. It gets a little embarassing hanging out in the shallow end with the toddlers. This is something I should have learned to do when I was a kid. Nobody's self-conscious about their body or hair then. In my younger days, I took a few lessons randomly then finally went to a school where it was an organized activity. It was fun before the older girls would entertain us with stories of people who died in that pool. I was in a vulnerable state of mind and couldn't go back after that. So I dropped out.
**I've already signed up for a swimming class at school. Not sure if I can stick it out. I'll need more than a year to work on this.
2) Successfully complete 2 sems of full-time classes at my school. It's a juggling act but it's got to happen.
3) Spend my summer in a different part of the country and visit at least 2 or 3 new cities on my list.
4) Save X amount by the end of the year. If I'm successful, then I know exactly where to put it.
5) Take the GRE 1 or 2 times, dig up more info on my top ten, and compile grad school requirements. By this time next year, I'd have narrowed the choices down.
P.S. I wrote these down on few weeks ago on old-fashioned pen and paper.
1)Learn how to swim--in the deep end without floaters. It gets a little embarassing hanging out in the shallow end with the toddlers. This is something I should have learned to do when I was a kid. Nobody's self-conscious about their body or hair then. In my younger days, I took a few lessons randomly then finally went to a school where it was an organized activity. It was fun before the older girls would entertain us with stories of people who died in that pool. I was in a vulnerable state of mind and couldn't go back after that. So I dropped out.
**I've already signed up for a swimming class at school. Not sure if I can stick it out. I'll need more than a year to work on this.
2) Successfully complete 2 sems of full-time classes at my school. It's a juggling act but it's got to happen.
3) Spend my summer in a different part of the country and visit at least 2 or 3 new cities on my list.
4) Save X amount by the end of the year. If I'm successful, then I know exactly where to put it.
5) Take the GRE 1 or 2 times, dig up more info on my top ten, and compile grad school requirements. By this time next year, I'd have narrowed the choices down.
P.S. I wrote these down on few weeks ago on old-fashioned pen and paper.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
"There and Back"
Guess who's back? (like you really had to...)
The past few weeks I spent at home will always be among the most memorable times of my life. I feel amazing after being immersed in the love, warmth, and comforts of home. Spent quality time with peroz (love you Mom and Dad) and relaz. I experienced so much in Kenya, there's no way I could put it all in words. I will share some observations and incidents that a lot of KBWers can identify with. When I left this place, I felt like an old car that was running on an empty fuel tank. Right now, it's the opposite: I am energized, filled to the brim and overflowing. Let me attempt to get some sleep because of an 8am class in the morning.
The past few weeks I spent at home will always be among the most memorable times of my life. I feel amazing after being immersed in the love, warmth, and comforts of home. Spent quality time with peroz (love you Mom and Dad) and relaz. I experienced so much in Kenya, there's no way I could put it all in words. I will share some observations and incidents that a lot of KBWers can identify with. When I left this place, I felt like an old car that was running on an empty fuel tank. Right now, it's the opposite: I am energized, filled to the brim and overflowing. Let me attempt to get some sleep because of an 8am class in the morning.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Nyumbani
I got home safely, long long layover along the way. I'd read and doze off then wake up to find only 1 hr had gone by. The warm welcome at JKIA was well worth the hassles I went through. Even the immigration dudes were enthusiastic (One even proposed.) Everything is lush and green (lots of rain). I'm taking lots of pics. Lots of changes but some things are the same. I'm eating such good food. Enjoying the comforts of home. Taking it easy away from everything. Lots of r 'n r (I always wanted to use that expression).
Glad to look back to last year and see that I fulfilled all my resolutions--at least the ones I blogged about. It was a first coz I don't usually make resolutions.It's such an amazing feeling to plan specific things out and have them happen.
All the best in 2007 everybody! Hope your dreams come true. Don't know who said, "If you don't have a dream, then how are you gonna make a dream come true?"
Glad to look back to last year and see that I fulfilled all my resolutions--at least the ones I blogged about. It was a first coz I don't usually make resolutions.It's such an amazing feeling to plan specific things out and have them happen.
All the best in 2007 everybody! Hope your dreams come true. Don't know who said, "If you don't have a dream, then how are you gonna make a dream come true?"
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