Last Post?

I've barely been on this blog in ages, it may be time to officially retire from it. It's time for me to move on in many ways.

I have finally graduated from university--I do wish my parents would have been present but I know they're proud of me. They've been my biggest influence and deserve credit for any accomplishments I may have because they always believed in me. I get sentimental when I think of them. All my family members have been very supportive of me. I was in tears a couple of weeks because I got so homesick. It's funny how I was so eager to get done with school, now I realize so many things I'll miss.

Over time, our identities evolve as we take up new roles in new places and grow up. I know I'm not the same person I was when I started this blog. While I'm still 20-something, I'm not as idealistic about the world. I have travelled many distances and learned a lot about myself. Different experiences have made me develop deep compassion and learn not to take the priviledges I have for granted. Now, it's time to consider a new job, and moving to a new city or state. Who knows where I'll be this time next year?

There's so much to look forward to---including attending a bloggers meetup in Nairobi one of these fine days....

Endings

Is there such a thing as being overambitious? Usually it's considered a great thing to have lofty goals and expectations....but sometimes a reality check is needed. I have this love-hate relationship with so-called over-achievers (I may have been one in the past) because I admire all they do but yet make some of us look bad=) Most people don't do it on purpose and I hold nothing against them. But there are those arrogant few who seem to enjoy gloating. And truth is, some have a right to. Well, comparing yourself to others doesn't get you far 'cause everyone deals with different circumstances and challenges. People have different resources, skills and talents that propel them to different places. Competition is just fierce with all the things we have to struggle to achieve these days: the education, career, finances,investments, while maintaining relationships,health and spiritual balance. One thing or another is often sacrificed along the way.

I heard about a guy who committed suicide (I didn't know him personally)--I'm told he was young, educated with a great job, great family,...etc. My heart goes out to his family and friends. After any kind of death, but especially suicide, people are left feeling guilty for not preventing it. Yet it's possible to be close to people who don't know what the hell is going on in your life. We might do it to protect those we love. And I don't think getting to the top (careerwise) is ever enough, there's always pressure to maintain your position and keep going. And it's a task to maintain balance in life. It may be morbid, but I think about what my funeral: who would show up, what would be said, the music (I want Pachelbel's Canon in D and Pink's "Who Knew"....I got into "Six Feet Under" and I'm on the 4th season now. There aren't many forums for discussing death openly and tv shows do get us thinking about these issues. A lot of family drama can be avoided if people would share their wishes with loved ones. I'm also a fan of Nollywood films and the dramas on it hit closer to home.

Talking about endings, graduation time is coming up and the big question "What next?" There are always options (if only 2). Time for changes and exploring new places. The current economical recession has made things tight for everyone. Well meaning people can give advice but it doesn't always work. But it's always great to hear different opinions and views. In the end, we've got to ask "What do I want?"

Sleep, The Undead, and The Dead

What's the longest you've gone without sleep? The Guinness world record holder is Randy Gardner who stayed awake for 11 days without any stimulants. It's unbelievable, no coffee? no drugs? for over a week? Amazing what the human body can survive. I value my sleep so when I don't get enough I have to make it up. On my days off one of my ideal activities is sleeping. For at least 8 hrs +. When I have to stay awake too long I start to feel like a zombie. And can't think straight.

Talking of zombies, I'm watching SouthPark all the way from season 1. Just saw the episode on "Pink-eye" when it's Halloween and there's the pink-eye epidemic---everyone who catches it goes around biting and attacking people (sounds like rabies) and Chef says they're the undead so they go to the morgue to find out the answers. I'm mildly curious about the 'undead'. I read "Dracula" a while back but haven't watched the movie. Don't care to either.

Last week we had a guest speaker in one of my classes who's a retired General from the Marines. He was one of the top guys during the Gulf War of 1990/91 and successfully led his division in defeating the Iraqi army and taking control of Kuwait. He was talking about casualties and said that before they set out, he was issed 8,000 body bags for his division of 20,000 marines (I don't recall the exact numbers). He talked about a lot of other things including the current war/occupation but the body bags issue just stayed on my mind. Bloody, brutal images were flashing through my mind and I felt a great sense of tragedy. To think of the soldiers who know they could be returning home in those body bags is a sad, empty feeling. What's going on in their minds? And while death is so final, surviving can be a harrowing experience according to the revelations from Walter Reed and personal accounts. The Buddhist teaching sums everything by stating: "Life is suffering."

It's Over

The most hilarious Valentine's post this year is by Ichiena. Check it out! And
Modoathii had some wicked advice on avoiding the whole Valo drama.

Even though I didn't care to celebrate the day, I got a few messages wishin' me happy val's. The award for the earliest message goes to a dude in Nairobi who asked me to be his valentine a month ago. It was kinda sweet. Dude, how did you know I have a thing for guys in uniform? Thanks for giving me directions when I was lost. Doubt if we'll meet again.
Now,the one person I wanted to hear from yesterday didn't contact me. Not that I was expecting anything apart from a call or even a text saying "how r u." Even though the last time we were together, I was in a bad mood. Because of a situation that I was trying to handle earlier that day. When I say have things on my mind, it's usually quite serious. I have to make some decisions that will affect not only me but others around me. And there are issues going on that I can't control. I won't go into details. I don't like confrontations but I see one coming up. I'm not perfect and don't like criticizing but I have to express my views and feelings.