In Da Club

Clubbing just isn't my scene anymore--it makes me feel old to say that. There was a time (esp. when I was underage) when I was so eager to go out all the time. I'd go through the hassle of borrowing somebody else's ID and going great distances to club. What made it really fun was obviously the crew I was hanging out with. And seeing all the outrageous things that happen inside. We went to some fun places, but at times we'd end up at a more calm place so we'd liven it up. We were determined to have fun, so we did. It was all so exciting!

These days I'm irritated at the thought of lining up, paying a cover charge, battling a crowd for a fucking drink, and just when I'm finally having fun, the lights are turned on and we're chased out. Some clubs get off on being "exclusive" so they can hold you hostage on the sidewalk 'cause they know you're dying to enter. As you walk in, the bouncer at the door acts like they just opened the pearly gates. If it's a half decent place, there will be a crowd so you'll need to avoid stabbing someone's foot with your high heeled boots and avoid that unsteady chic walking by barely balancing her martini. Sometimes, the music is worth it but why do DJs play a hit and when you're on the dance floor they suddenly cut it short, talk over it, or start playing a totally different kind of song that interrupts the flow? Let's say you just got your beverage before last call, and as you're sipping your poison of choice, they start yelling out that you should gulp it down soon. All of a sudden, the bright lights flash on and those goons start walking around urging you to finish and get the hell out. They don't care if you've been there less than an hour 'cause they have to clear the place and shut down. Step outside and there are cops hovering in the area (which is a great idea in some places 'cause this is when crazy things happen). This is when it helps to have a friend who likes going out but doesn't drink so you know they'll take you home safely. That's what matters.