After reading Aco's post, I had more than just a comment. So here goes:
I've got to air my views. My definition of a date is spending time together. This covers activities outside the usual dinner and movie routine. The financially challenged should pick activities that don't involve a lot of $$ (hikes, walks, sports). You get real creative when you don't have money to burn on Italian dinners and opera tickets. Some activities are geared towards students but anyone can do them: example, study dates, meet at a bookstore, eat lunch together in the cafeteria, ride bikes, give or get a massage. Whoever initiates the date should usually pay most of the bill--of course the other person should offer to leave a tip or buy drinks. Chics have gotten used to being provided for (living @ home or dating older men), and old habits die hard! Blame it on the Cinderella fairy tale for the crazy idea of a Prince Charming coming to rescue us from ruin. As I said before, that's what happens when you bring up kiddos on fairy tales alone. Give them those hadithis of Kaka Sungura and Abu Nuwasi. Warning to men: women want stability in general but if they love you, they'll work with what you've got.
MEN should be more honest about their life situations: when trying to impress women they flaunt fancy job titles and degrees, the Wall St. company they work for, etc. Many women mistake all these things to mean MONEY! Some prestigious jobs that require education don't pay much. While some blue collar types are raking it in. In the beginning, if one states, "I'm a student making min. wage and getting an allowance from home every 3 months," you can eliminate potential mates from gold-diggers. I know a guy who is the firstborn and supporting his Mom and younger siblings. It's very admirable and any woman who dates and marries the guy needs to know this situation. It will explain his lifestyle. Other men fall back on family achievements to show how wealthy they are, talking about what their father does and property he owns. But don't focus on it too much! Kwani am I going to date you or your father? Some guys overanalyze the numbers: get over the fact that a movie ticket cost $10. It's tacky to talk about your salary endlessly, or ask too many questions about mine.
I've been surprised by some of my peers, young intelligent and attractive guys who have this idea that "My wife will not work, I will provide for her." Sweetie, you may not afford it! If you can't afford that diamond ring (major symbol), you are not ready to commit to that life. And what if the wife makes more and you need the money. A dual income will give you more purchasing power and stability. Many of us have ambitions too. And we may never get married.
The fascination some chics have with white men is sometimes senseless. At home, they're over-glamorized and always perceived as rich. But we can turn it around: what is the fascination Kenyan (and other black) men have with white chics? I went to a couple of schools: high school and early yrs of college with a group of my peers--all the guys (except one) dated white, latin, & asian chics. It was so obvious and the message us black girls got is that these guys didn't find us attractive. That's a blow to our self-esteem, but we dealt. So, we have a school event: people are trying to get dates so a couple of us black girls decide to go with a latin and philipino guy. All of a sudden, the Kenyan guys are doing a double take. Strange how we suddenly became more visible. I'm all for interracial/cultural/tribal dating--many of us do it coz it's a free world with many possibilities. It's natural to crave something new, BUT you gotta have taste! There was a very fine Kiuk guy in high school and half the school had a crush on him. We all waited in suspense to see who he'd pick: no surprise there. We just wonder is it a status thing or true feelings? Junguz are like everyone else, there are fly ones, wack ones, dumb ones and smart ones. Coming abroad, I see a fine Kenyan or Tzian young man with one of those obese jungu mamaz and I'm thinking come on! Of course, tunajua kuna hizo situations, lakini you have a lot of choices. At the end of the day, you lie in your own bed and who am I to stand in your way?
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7 comments:
Thank you GND for this post. Halelujah, kwanza i am reading this book by a Kenyan Dude about guys huko abroad and the blacks fascination with white mamas. I think white mamaz are just easy (i repeat i think)
White chicks do nothing for me. They don't have the sexy bodies black women do. So much for that stereotype.
Editing your last sentence a bit with your own words yields:
At the end of the day, you lie in your own bed with one of those obese jungu mamaz and who am I to stand in your way?
LOLOLOL
There is always the fascination and appeal of the unknown. Experience reveals that people will be people regardless of color just as you have said...
@ Shiroh,
I'm glad you feel me! I've heard some guys say it's easier to hook up with a jungu. But, some guys transform and jump through hoops with mob sike to land the mamaz--doing all kinds of things they swore they'd never do as a man.
@ Samborera,
It's great to know you appreciate us =)
@ Milonare,
LOL, it's too funny! It's a rather sweeping generalization, but based on countless observations. We know storoz of makaratasi na kadhalika...but it's not always an issue-- to each his own!
Behold I am here!I must admit that you have brought up some valid points ie some dudes just bring this whole drama on themselves with being dishonest or trying to buy their chic's attention.I am not going to name names but those student oriented activites will not cut it with some who are students themselves.As for those who dont want their wives to work it is a noble intention but not here in the West where maintaining yourself is a challenge in itself.
I dont know why some chics want to cause about black dudes hooking up with white men when back home most chics would tupa you for anything with white skin that smiled at them.So it is only poetic justice when ya'll get here and discover you arent at the top of the pecking order.I dont agree with that storo of dating just any white chic but there are many ways in which jungu mamas beat our kenyan gals hands down.A jungu chic is more likely to take you at face value as oppossed to most of the Kenyan chics I have met out here and have been told about by guys out here.I mean at the end of the day Kenyan chics out here think that we are going to bend over backwards for them but that isnt the case when there are women of other colors and nationalities whom we can date and same goes for Kenyan chics, if you are tired of Kenyan guys or they cant meet your demands you have a wide range to choose from...
@ shiroh
Well many of the white dudes I knew in Kenya also thought that Kenyan mamas were easy!
@ Acolyte,
you've also raised some good points. There are times a chic will make demands on a guy when she knows he can't fulfill them. She can also make herself very available if she wants to hook up with him.
It's great that the world is wide open and we have so many choices. I think that a man or woman who never wants to date a person from their own race has identity & self-esteem issues. But I do not begrudge anyone their choice of a partner whatever color/race they may be. In the end, it's about finding someone who makes you happy and appreciates you.
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