Mean

One of my worst fears is turning into the people I despise most (and there are several types). I've had a recent encounter with the following:

MEAN people. Everytime they open their mouths, they spit venom. When you are in the position to help them, they will criticize everything you do. Everyone tries to avoid them, and they know it. The words 'please' or 'thank you' cross their lips reluctantly and sound unconvincing. The Acolyte has a post about bitches and they also fall under this category. Men are also included in my 'mean' group. I'm not saying one has to be smiling 24/7, coz even perky people can be draining. You don't have to pretend to be nice. But, I hate that people with negative energy want to suck you into this deep dark hole. So you have a shitty life, guess what? So do most other people. All suffering isn't visible. I can confidently say to these types that " One of my worst nightmares is turning out like you."

"A terrible thing to Waste"

The lack of entries on my blog this past week does not in any way indicate my state of mind; on the contrary, I've been using my brain cells in all sorts of ways...Spent a day having orientation at the university. The information was useful and cleared up the confusion many of us had. Figuring out prereqs, GEs, etc. It's a really huge school so you need to know what you're doing to navigate your way around successfully. I've gone to small schools most of my life. The cafe food is good! There are several cafes with different types of food. I have eaten all kinds of things in the various schools I've attended: from hard nyoyo and strongi, to veggie burgers and scrambled tofu.

And my summer class is still going on. We met on Wednesday to have our customary discussions, lecture, and group time. Still haven't written my paper (which is 40% of the final grade)--can anyone say procrastinator out loud please? The good news is now I have a topic and some material I got from the public library. Also discovered I can access the library that belongs to a grad school in my 'hood so I'll be making a run there soon. Talking of public libraries, that's one of the impressive things about this country--they're free, resourceful, and accesible. Used to go check my mail there before I owned a computer.

Being a Mac fan, one of my objects of desire is one of the new laptops. I'll be taking advantage of my student discount for sure. Also want to join some professional organizations and museums coz they have deals for students. I was recently at a museum and was on a floor viewing pictures of black American freedom fighters and leaders--many I didn't recognize. There was a lady giving some teenage kids a tour so I stuck around to listen to the speech. Then it hit me how much I don't know about the history of black America. After Black History Month is over, the story of past and present struggles disappear into the background. The only book I own on the topic is "Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" There are so many judgements we make on groups of people without looking at where they're coming from. I hate it when people do it to me, so I need to make an effort not to guilty of the same. Got to learn more history and expand my thinking, in the words of the United Negro College Fund, " A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

Cleaning Out My Closet

This evening, I saw a couple of great examples of 'What Not To Wear":
1) Sandak--do they even make these anymore? Or rather, do any grown people wear them? (I remember having a pair of light blue ones in nursery school) Well, yeah...as I discovered today...even here in the US of A, they just give them a different name--jelly sandals.
2)Layering a pair of shorts over a pair of trousers. Do not do this! It will make you look like a bum.

Other things not to wear:
3) Pants that give you a constant wedgie.
4) KBS aka 'kiatu bila socks'--the exception is when wearing sandals or certain kinds of loafers.

Anyhow, enough of critiquing other people's clothes--I recently took a closer look at my own wardrobe too. Took some things to Goodwill, a few were handed down, others were trashed. After watching the Oprah show about women wearing wrong bra sizes, I was inspired to throw out some of mine.Then you know what happened next...a trip to Victoria's Secret! I think we all hold onto clothes for sentimental reasons, even if we don't wear them. I confess to holding onto an ex-boyfriend's 'Superman' t-shirt for ages. But, on a cleaning binge realized the stuff at the back of the closet had to go. Such is life.

Secret Diary 'n' a Stroll on the Beach

Haven't had anything interesting to post about lately. One word to describe my life right now is 'blah'. I tend to write a lot more when I'm really angry or happy--so later I can look back at the situation and see what's changed. When I started high school, I kept a diary. At that time, it was such a risque thing to do in case of discovery. I used to write down everything on my mind, stuff people said, observations I made, my feelings and views, etc...It's not like I had any deep dark secrets, but it was one of the major transition points in my life.

I had left home for the first time to attend large girls' boarding school in my shagz. (Exactly why is this so popular with parents? I've heard something along the lines of 'we don't want our kids corrupted.') Luckily the school was in town and the rules more reasonable than others. Anyhow, I lasted there for 1 year and 2 terms then transferred somewhere else. I still had the diary with me. I'd go back and read all the things I wrote and it kept me entertained! Some entries were funny, others frustrating and humiliating. In the end, I decided to destroy the diary because it was too personal and I never wanted anybody else to read it. Sometimes, the memories have to remain in your mind.

2 days ago, I could only come up with one sentence, "I feel overwhelmed." It's like you have such a big pile of work to do, don't know where to start, so you just take a coffee break to reflect on it. Tuesday was a very stressful workday mainly because of one person. She was the direct supervisor that day but didn't give me all the information I needed at the start of the day. So I obviously wasn't very organized. Luckily, I got to go home early (with a pounding headache). After taking a pill and sipping water, my sis and I headed to the beach to enjoy the rest of the sunny day. It was so relaxing to walk barefoot along the shore. People walked their dogs, some jogged (including a mom w/ a stroller), couples held hands, and others tanned on the beach. We chatted with 3 cool surfers and basked in the sun, sipping Vitamin Water. There's something powerful when you see the waves rolling in and the blue/gray ocean stretching into the horizon as the orange sun dips down. By the time I got home, I felt so calm. =)

Forgetful

I'm so pissed off at myself! (banging head...) Blew off an important appointment earlier today, don't know how I spaced out and forgot. I remembered when it was too late. I'd even written it down in my little calendar that I carry everywhere with me. Oh well...life goes on.

Beginning or End?

Sunday: debated as either the beginning or the end of the week.
Some go to church, like one lady I bumped into on the elevator wearing a suit and cheerfully throwing a "God Bless You!" my way. I don't live in a religious city so it's uncommon to have a random person say 'God' or 'Jesus' in conversation. I'm often surrounded by people into Buddhism. Also haven't been to church in at least a year; a major life change coz I spent years living in very religious communities.
Others are recovering from hangovers.
Some of us shuffle into Starbucks at an unholy hour to get a caffeine fix before work. I don't want to get deep into that. It's interesting to see and hear different reactions when I tell people I'm back in school. Most are encouraging. I hear a number of the older people say they wish they had a chance to go back, but now it's too late. (I disagree about it being too late...) But life's circumstances can lead you down that path. Parents sacrifice resources for their kids. Others ask me why? Everyone has certain ambitions, could be getting a GED or PhD; banking six-figures or, hell, anything; being CEO or even landing a job in a prestigious company; becoming a parent and/or making a great marriage match; owning a beautiful home, getting published, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, etc...There are broad definitions for 'making it.' Does it ever end? Say, you're aiming to be a manager in your department and, boom! you are, won't you start looking at for the next thing up? Or are you complacent? Like most people, I'm dealing with both internal and external pressure to progress forward. And I was in my dream house last weekend for a hang-out: it was spacious, sparkling, new appliances, 2 floors, winding staircase, big kitchen, fab views... I even took a picture in the bathroom (marble, anyone?) I'd fit in perfectly!


P.S. I believe Sunday is the beginning of the week.

Be Careful What you Wish For...

It May Just Come True!

The past few days, I was feeling both physically and mentally sluggish. I'm glad that I feel better now. Here's a quick confession: I was looking at all the sick time I've accumulated at work and thinking "I wish I could use that up and just take off somewhere." Then I came to realize that if I was sick enough to stay away from work, I probably wouldn't feel like doing anything else.

My summer class started today. As I walked across campus, I smiled because 9 months ago I was there, wishing I could be one of the students with a backpack slung across my shoulder rushing to my next class. My wish came true! Of course, there are still other challenges but the major things are going according to plan. After some time in the working world, I saw for myself that a higher level of education was very necessary to move on to better things. It's one of those things that peroz said all the time, but having my own experience made it more real. Well, this class I'm taking is only 1 unit, but it's going to take a lot of work coz it's over in 5 weeks. The teacher seems alright, she was telling us all the assignments required and everyone seemed overwhelmed. We even have to do a group presentation--as a rule, I don't like group activities, I'd rather do the work my way in my own time--but most of the people seem motivated.

Now, going off on a tangent, I saw a couple of odd things on a menu today. I was standing on a corner outside a Vietnamese restaurant and spotted 'Snake Soup' and among the sides 'Raw egg.' I tried to take a picture with my phone for evidence but the words were too small. How hungry would one be to eat any of these? I don't want to know....

Full Moon

They say when there's a full moon outside, all kinds of things happen. It can explain a crazy, hellish (ok...maybe I'm exaggerating) day at work. Why is it that when one thing happens, all hell breaks loose? And it's always last-minute when you just wanna get out. Dealing with different people has many levels of frustration.

Home at last. A hot shower, and change of pjs later, I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating noodles, spring rolls, dumplings with sweet 'n sour filling, and another kind of dim sum dipped in sesame seeds. I'm also sipping a mug of hot herbal tea from home. I've been having a sniffly nose all day, trying to fight off a cold/flu. I woke up 2 or 3 times last night feeling really hot and wanting to blow my nose. Debated calling in sick but decided to just suck it up coz I already took a sick day this week to sightsee and enjoy the great weather. No regrets with that.

P.S. Been watching Footballer's Wives, great storyline and drama! Took a while to understand their accents though.

*_*

I
am
sorely in need of a massage
and
drowning in paperwork.

My
thoughts
and
prayers
are with
the friend
whose mother died.

One
of my siblings
posed
the question:
"If you had only 1 year to live, what would you do?"

All of a sudden,
some things
don't seem
so important
anymore.

The Show and How to Give a Compliment

Passed by a street festival this past weekend, and the sights took me back many years to The Show in Nairobi. Anyone who's ever been knows all the excitement and fun involved with it: food, ice-cream, rides, balloons, music, exhibitions, stalls with vendors selling all kinds of things, wearing paper/plastic visors to shield your face from the sun, watching the marching band perform, the crowds, and the speeches from important govt. people. Got the chance to attend shows in other smaller towns when we moved out of the city. When I was in school in shagz, we got the day off to go to town coz the Prezo would be opening it that day which equals free entrance and a day off (major excitement). This also meant that the school would get some money donated, the headmistress informed us with a beaming face. It was fun, except I got caught up in the middle of the crowd when the gates were opened and there was a major stampede to enter. From that day on, I avoid being in the center of crowds in any public area. Some people had so much fun that they came to school late and got in trouble. Oh well, what do they expect when they suddenly let teenagers loose from the restrictions and tightly-regulated routines?

I got a compliment at work recently when this man said I was very diplomatic and I must get that from my dad.
"Thanks!" I replied, thinking I learned this from both peroz and from being a middle child. And I've made the following observation: at work, the women usually ask questions about my mom and the men ask about my dad. Funny, huh? I'm always glad to get a compliment on their behalf.
If you ever have a compliment to give, you should say it directly to the person because so many people don't realize nice things about themselves coz they never hear them. There are times you're trying so hard and you think nobody noticed it, then out of the blue you get a commendation for it. It's a wonderful feeling. Please go out and pay somebody a genuine compliment today!