Blog Day 2006

I have to confess that I usually focus on reading blogs in KBW (which inspired me to start my own). But, I've realized that it's a huge world and we learn more about each other by interaction. A blog is a very personal view of people's lives and experiences. I'd like to share a few I discovered.

1. Sayesha's world
This blog is written by an Indian girl living in Singapore. Not only is she an excellent writer, but also entertaining and witty. Topics range from work and friends, to travel and cultural views. I like the personal insight offered. Despite being in a different part of the world, I identify with a lot of the issues discussed.

2. Margaret Cho
This blog is funny. After all, it belongs to a comedian. Margaret Cho is of Korean ancestry, born and raised in the U.S. Many of her posts are enlightening and address political issues directly.

3. A Family in Baghdad
This is an invaluable look at the reality of living in war-torn Iraq as experienced by a family in Baghdad. It's portrays what we may never see or hear on the news.

Moving

Moving is a bitch.
We've all been through it. First, you start out with a long list of requirements. Then go out on the exciting search for apartments. Depending on the budget, area, and rental market, you may have to adjust some requirements. It's really stressful! Do you pay more for convenience and a quicker commute? Or opt for affordability further out? The nice neighborhoods will always cost more. Is it worth it saving $$ to live in a sketchy area (even if it's temporary)? The idea of living in a high-crime area that's regularly featured in the news is not appealing at all. On the other hand, paying a fortune just because a celeb and some millionares live in the area code isn't practical. The hunt is on....

School has started, and I have a crush on one of my teachers! He's young, Latin, and very eloquent. It's a history/ethnic studies class. I got into class late today and it was so full that some of us were standing in the back. I'm not even registered for it, still on the waiting list. Well, I hope to get in 'cause it seems very interesting.

I went back to my first post of the year dated January 2nd and I'm glad to say that I am fulfilling some of my resolutions. Right now I'm focusing on getting a ticket home for Christmas. Haven't been home in years and I've vowed that I need to go this Christmas. So I've gotta make the sacrifices and hope it works out.

A Pint or Two

There's something great about going out for a drink after work. With workmates. Although intoxication often gets a bad rap (with valid reasons-- e.g. damage to your liver), it has the amazing power of bonding people together. You know that straight-laced colleague who barely cracks a smile? Imagine how friendly they get after a couple of pints...Or imagine how relaxed you get after sipping on that ice-cold drink. Letting down inhibitions once in a while can be healthy--now, I'm not talking about walking up nude a day or two later on a strange yacht (somebody's real life experience by the way) sandwiched between 2 hairy dudes, or chics for that matter. I'm talking about saying exactly what's on your mind at the moment and expressing those innermost thoughts that go 'round and 'round your head. It seems like saying some things out loud make them more real. Some of us are constantly in the position of being a middleman/coordinator/diplomat that we may not say exactly what we think or perhaps we do it in a gentle way. Not because we are cowards or lack the balls, but because we see the bigger picture and realize that personal pride or the smugness of stating "I told you so" is short-lived. Sacrificing individual gain for communal benefit or using the teleological approach of focusing on the end result can motivate us in our labors. I know what that means, do you?

Karma

I believe in karma--and it's wonderful to be on the receiving end of something positive. Thank you, cab driver for not only getting me to my destination on time, but also giving me a free ride! (This guy was for real, he didn't have change for the note I was carrying so he said "it's ok." And there were no ulterior motives at all.) I got some of that positive energy to fuel the rest of my day. 'Twas a busy but fulfilling workday. I'm (yawn) going to sleep well tonight :)

Books, Birth, and Murder.

I'm currently engrossed in John Grisham's "The Broker". It's fast-paced and similar to his earlier bestsellers. Before that I read "Plain Jane" by Laurien Gardner, a tale about Jane Seymour and King Henry VIII, that famous English monarch who couldn't stop getting married. He executed 2 of his 6 wives. One of them was 30 years younger than him. Queen Jane was #3 and died a few weeks after giving birth.

Talking of giving birth, have you ever listened to new mothers share all the details of their gruesome ordeal? I understand that it is a life-changing and (usually) positive experience despite the 20 or 30-something hours of labor that new moms routinely endure. Two chics were saying that they're into the natural way, no drugs involved. OK... My view is "drugs are good! There's a reason epidurals were invented, and you can always elect to have a C-section." Anyway, I usually steer clear of this kind of talk coz I feel that I have little to contribute.

There's so much going on in the world from gangsters attacking the Russian diplomat in Kenya, airline security alerts, conflicts in the Congo & Middle East, to the recent spotlight on the JonBenet Ramsey murder case. That Karr dude is weird. The whole affair is suspicious and tragic. Now, seeing a very young child wearing make-up and parading in adult-style clothing is very strange. I think child beauty pageants should be done away with.

Food = Pleasure

There are few genuine pleasures in this world like coming home to a hot meal. Food is more than calories and a pyramid; it's also about the time, skill, and love that went into its preparation. Many of us will instantly think of our mothers when we think of enjoying a delicious, delectable meal. Since I'm so far from home, I often think of my talented sibling whose culinary skills have produced countless fingerlicking, satisfying meals. Thanks D! There are so many cultural beliefs surrounding food and many are rooted in practicality. In most urban areas around the world, there's a wide variety of international cuisine to sample. One of my favorite foods from home is ugali ya wimbi. At my digz, we've been considering becoming vegetarian or even just eating organic food for health reasons. I'm not ready to make drastic changes yet but will try to change some habits.

4 or 5 Things

I got this idea from somebody else; it's great coz I like making lists:

Jobs I have had:
1. Babysitter
2. Bakery & Cafeteria worker
3. Reader/Tutor
4. Front desk receptionist
5. Security dispatcher

Places I have lived:
1. Nairobi
2. Naivasha
3. Athi River
4. Eldoret (outskirts)

Movies I have watched over and over again
1. Sound of Music
2. My Best Friend's Wedding
3. Wizard of Oz
4. Grease

Places I have been on vacation:
1. Mombasa
2. San Diego
3. Houston
4. Reno

Places I'd rather be right now:
1. Home
2. Hawaii
3. Brazil
4. At a spa getting a massage

Items that must remain in the fridge:
1. Eggs
2. Cheese
3. Red wine
4. Water
5. Vegetables

Scary Stressful Experiences I've survived
1. Embassy appointment to get visa for U.S.
2. Being in a car accident and getting stranded hours away from our residence.
3. Jumping over a barbed wire fence while being chased by the neighbors' fierce dog.
4. Taking major national and state exams that determined my future.

My favorite leisure activities:
1. Walking outdoors
2. Playing Uno with my siblings
3. Reading a good book
4. Playing the simplest version of 'Canon in D' on the piano
5. Surfing the net and blogging!

The End

I saw my grade for the summer class that just ended and I'm happy =)

The turmoil and unrest in the world has a ripple effect. On Friday, I witnessed a demonstration by a group of Arabs/Muslim/Palestinians who were protesting against the Israeli attack on Lebanon. The group of men, women, and children marched down a major downtown street, chanting for their cause with police cars and motorcycles escorting them. When you can put a face to the struggle, you realize how harsh and brutal life--and death--are. Most days when I'm heading to work or somewhere else, I tune in to NPR news. It helps me stop brooding over the details of my pathetic life when I realize that on the other side of the world, innocent people are dodging bullets, bombs and fighting for their lives.

I'm not very religious (but rather spiritual) , although I have spent most of my life in religious communities and schools studying religion and theology. The book of Matthew chapter 24 talks about the signs of the end, which include natural disasters, wars, and conflicts. My view is the world should just end already! How many centuries ago was the end predicted? Even the new millenium was supposed to bring some huge dramatic event. I think in 1000 years, they'll still be predicting the end of the world. I don't really care anyway coz I won't be around.

Change

Change
is scary
and exciting
at the same time.

There are times we actively seek it,
when we are desperate to break out of the bubble.

So we leave our cocoons in search of adventure.
Or perhaps, adventure finds us.
Either way, we have to brace ourselves for the new and unexpected.

A Portfolio and SELF-focus

Got done with my summer class yesterday, phew! It was only a 1 unit class but it involved so much work. A group presentation plus the papers and assignments due the last day. I also had to put a professional portfolio together with a resume, my career objectives, philosophy, samples of projects I've done, etc. First of all, I felt like I didn't have very much to include. Then I searched through my papers, found my awards & certificates, a couple of papers from past classes and threw them in. So, in the end it wasn't that empty. I've been spending most of my time just doing my job and not getting involved in committees or projects. Now, I've realized I need to get involved in some professional organizations and be part of activities outside my regular job. Thing is, most of us start out very passionate about work. We study great ideas and we can hardly wait to practice them and bring changes--then comes the reality shock of the working world, the politics, the old guard who want to remain in the past.... If you work for a large company you may feel like an insignificant part of it; soon enough you just concentrate on doing your job, getting the hell out, and waiting for the paycheck. (Anybody feel me?) But that gets old. Then you realize that you need to reclaim your inspiration and pursue your goals regardless. No matter what you do or where you go there are times you'll be asking "What the hell am I doing here?" Even though it sounds so cliche, the answers need to come from within.

Even though most of us are socialized to always think of others first, I would like to rebuff that way of thinking to say that we need to think of ourselves first, then extend that courtesy to others around us. Being 'SELFish' has a negative connotation, but perhaps 'SELF-centered/focused' may have a better sound to it. Let me tell you more about it: growing up as a female, many of the things we learn are tied in to future marriage/motherhood. For example, "you should learn to cook ugali well, so you can feed your husband and children." Sometimes, it's tied in to representing your family/community/tribe; for example being told, "you need to study and work hard to bring us respect and honor." I don't argue with the basic idea of these statements, because they make sense. However, I have beef with the idea that the only reason I should cook ugali well is to feed a husband and kids with no mention of myself. Kwani I won't be cooking and eating ugali if I'm not married or a mother? When it comes to studying and working hard, I believe the idea of bringing honor to my family and community is inspiring, but I also need to be getting something out of it. In the end, I think everyone around me would benefit if I am happy, fulfilled, and successful at what I do. I am not in any way advocating for an entirely individualistic view of life instead of a communal one. (We can compare society here and at home.) I am proposing a more realistic way of doing things, coz anytime people do something they'll always ask "What am I getting out of it?" People are more motivated to do things if they know they're going to enjoy the fruits directly. Example, our parliament composed of individuals from multiple tribes/regions/political parties unanimously voted for a healthy pay raise and compensation package for themselves. Hey, they also agree to jet off for holiday. Just think, what if they all got together and agreed on another issue that not only benefited them, but the public and community at large?

An ipod moment and Flav2

Home at last. Had a fulfilling day at work. Just wolfed down a cheeseburger and sipped a cold MGD, aah...I tend to eat in front of my computer partly coz of entertainment, and partly coz I like sitting in the comfy blue ikea chair in front of it.

Things I find annoying:
1) People who call every one they meet 'baby" in whatever context, whether it's "you're still a baby, so young!" or "baby, let's go out sometime."

2) People who cuss constantly in public for no apparent reason but to act all 'gangsta' (esp. when they're obviously far from it)--Nobody wants to listen to you. I was riding on the bus and way in the back were 2 guys (drunk frat-boy types) just acting stupid, talking loudly, their vocab must have stopped developing in primary school. It was one of those times I wished I was one of those big, intimidating Samoan dudes and I could just turn around and yell "shut the fuck up!" Instead, I searched through my bag for something interesting to read. My phone battery had just died; I dubbed this "an ipod moment," it's that moment when you desperately wish you hadn't left your ipod at home coz it would be a perfect time to turn up the music and tune out what's around you.

3) The fact that the 'reality' show "Flavor of Love" part 2 is back. Seriously, wasn't season 1 enough? Much as I dislike the concept of the show, it is entertaining. Maybe it's a weird human urge to watch other people humiliating themselves in the name of love (love of money or the spotlight?). I think Flav picked the wrong chic last time, New York would have been perfect for him. Now there are fresh attractive recruits, tripping over each other to impress this tired-looking man who parades in pimpish outfits (come on, a red suit with a red shirt) and a huge clock around his neck.

Please hide them!

Last night, I broke a wine glass. Not big news in my digz as I hold the title of 'most likely to break something--anything!' But why did it have to be one of the new glasses I just bought last week? There comes a point in life when you look in your kitchen cupboard and find it wanting...regularly drinking wine out of styrofoam or plastic cups becomes a thing of the past. Even mango juice tastes better when served in a pretty glass. And going on a wine-tasting expedition or having a drink in a fancy restaurant will teach you a thing or two about how to serve wine. So, a trip to Crate and Barrel was the next step. It was my very first. I'm not the kind of person who'll usually notice details about dishes; I'm more about function--but there is a difference about eating a meal out of a plastic or metal bakuli while sipping tea from a glass (come on, who hasn't done this?) and eating off chinaware while sipping a cold drink from a sparkling stemmed glass. Oh well, the sad remains of that glass are now in the trash. The cool thing about being a grown-up is that nobody will yell at you for breaking things. I'm responsible for destroying enough of my parents beautiful dinnerware (wedding gifts perhaps?), but they love me anyway. So if anybody ever invites me for a meal, hide all the nice/expensive glasses and plates from me!

Mean

One of my worst fears is turning into the people I despise most (and there are several types). I've had a recent encounter with the following:

MEAN people. Everytime they open their mouths, they spit venom. When you are in the position to help them, they will criticize everything you do. Everyone tries to avoid them, and they know it. The words 'please' or 'thank you' cross their lips reluctantly and sound unconvincing. The Acolyte has a post about bitches and they also fall under this category. Men are also included in my 'mean' group. I'm not saying one has to be smiling 24/7, coz even perky people can be draining. You don't have to pretend to be nice. But, I hate that people with negative energy want to suck you into this deep dark hole. So you have a shitty life, guess what? So do most other people. All suffering isn't visible. I can confidently say to these types that " One of my worst nightmares is turning out like you."

"A terrible thing to Waste"

The lack of entries on my blog this past week does not in any way indicate my state of mind; on the contrary, I've been using my brain cells in all sorts of ways...Spent a day having orientation at the university. The information was useful and cleared up the confusion many of us had. Figuring out prereqs, GEs, etc. It's a really huge school so you need to know what you're doing to navigate your way around successfully. I've gone to small schools most of my life. The cafe food is good! There are several cafes with different types of food. I have eaten all kinds of things in the various schools I've attended: from hard nyoyo and strongi, to veggie burgers and scrambled tofu.

And my summer class is still going on. We met on Wednesday to have our customary discussions, lecture, and group time. Still haven't written my paper (which is 40% of the final grade)--can anyone say procrastinator out loud please? The good news is now I have a topic and some material I got from the public library. Also discovered I can access the library that belongs to a grad school in my 'hood so I'll be making a run there soon. Talking of public libraries, that's one of the impressive things about this country--they're free, resourceful, and accesible. Used to go check my mail there before I owned a computer.

Being a Mac fan, one of my objects of desire is one of the new laptops. I'll be taking advantage of my student discount for sure. Also want to join some professional organizations and museums coz they have deals for students. I was recently at a museum and was on a floor viewing pictures of black American freedom fighters and leaders--many I didn't recognize. There was a lady giving some teenage kids a tour so I stuck around to listen to the speech. Then it hit me how much I don't know about the history of black America. After Black History Month is over, the story of past and present struggles disappear into the background. The only book I own on the topic is "Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" There are so many judgements we make on groups of people without looking at where they're coming from. I hate it when people do it to me, so I need to make an effort not to guilty of the same. Got to learn more history and expand my thinking, in the words of the United Negro College Fund, " A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

Cleaning Out My Closet

This evening, I saw a couple of great examples of 'What Not To Wear":
1) Sandak--do they even make these anymore? Or rather, do any grown people wear them? (I remember having a pair of light blue ones in nursery school) Well, yeah...as I discovered today...even here in the US of A, they just give them a different name--jelly sandals.
2)Layering a pair of shorts over a pair of trousers. Do not do this! It will make you look like a bum.

Other things not to wear:
3) Pants that give you a constant wedgie.
4) KBS aka 'kiatu bila socks'--the exception is when wearing sandals or certain kinds of loafers.

Anyhow, enough of critiquing other people's clothes--I recently took a closer look at my own wardrobe too. Took some things to Goodwill, a few were handed down, others were trashed. After watching the Oprah show about women wearing wrong bra sizes, I was inspired to throw out some of mine.Then you know what happened next...a trip to Victoria's Secret! I think we all hold onto clothes for sentimental reasons, even if we don't wear them. I confess to holding onto an ex-boyfriend's 'Superman' t-shirt for ages. But, on a cleaning binge realized the stuff at the back of the closet had to go. Such is life.

Secret Diary 'n' a Stroll on the Beach

Haven't had anything interesting to post about lately. One word to describe my life right now is 'blah'. I tend to write a lot more when I'm really angry or happy--so later I can look back at the situation and see what's changed. When I started high school, I kept a diary. At that time, it was such a risque thing to do in case of discovery. I used to write down everything on my mind, stuff people said, observations I made, my feelings and views, etc...It's not like I had any deep dark secrets, but it was one of the major transition points in my life.

I had left home for the first time to attend large girls' boarding school in my shagz. (Exactly why is this so popular with parents? I've heard something along the lines of 'we don't want our kids corrupted.') Luckily the school was in town and the rules more reasonable than others. Anyhow, I lasted there for 1 year and 2 terms then transferred somewhere else. I still had the diary with me. I'd go back and read all the things I wrote and it kept me entertained! Some entries were funny, others frustrating and humiliating. In the end, I decided to destroy the diary because it was too personal and I never wanted anybody else to read it. Sometimes, the memories have to remain in your mind.

2 days ago, I could only come up with one sentence, "I feel overwhelmed." It's like you have such a big pile of work to do, don't know where to start, so you just take a coffee break to reflect on it. Tuesday was a very stressful workday mainly because of one person. She was the direct supervisor that day but didn't give me all the information I needed at the start of the day. So I obviously wasn't very organized. Luckily, I got to go home early (with a pounding headache). After taking a pill and sipping water, my sis and I headed to the beach to enjoy the rest of the sunny day. It was so relaxing to walk barefoot along the shore. People walked their dogs, some jogged (including a mom w/ a stroller), couples held hands, and others tanned on the beach. We chatted with 3 cool surfers and basked in the sun, sipping Vitamin Water. There's something powerful when you see the waves rolling in and the blue/gray ocean stretching into the horizon as the orange sun dips down. By the time I got home, I felt so calm. =)

Forgetful

I'm so pissed off at myself! (banging head...) Blew off an important appointment earlier today, don't know how I spaced out and forgot. I remembered when it was too late. I'd even written it down in my little calendar that I carry everywhere with me. Oh well...life goes on.

Beginning or End?

Sunday: debated as either the beginning or the end of the week.
Some go to church, like one lady I bumped into on the elevator wearing a suit and cheerfully throwing a "God Bless You!" my way. I don't live in a religious city so it's uncommon to have a random person say 'God' or 'Jesus' in conversation. I'm often surrounded by people into Buddhism. Also haven't been to church in at least a year; a major life change coz I spent years living in very religious communities.
Others are recovering from hangovers.
Some of us shuffle into Starbucks at an unholy hour to get a caffeine fix before work. I don't want to get deep into that. It's interesting to see and hear different reactions when I tell people I'm back in school. Most are encouraging. I hear a number of the older people say they wish they had a chance to go back, but now it's too late. (I disagree about it being too late...) But life's circumstances can lead you down that path. Parents sacrifice resources for their kids. Others ask me why? Everyone has certain ambitions, could be getting a GED or PhD; banking six-figures or, hell, anything; being CEO or even landing a job in a prestigious company; becoming a parent and/or making a great marriage match; owning a beautiful home, getting published, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, etc...There are broad definitions for 'making it.' Does it ever end? Say, you're aiming to be a manager in your department and, boom! you are, won't you start looking at for the next thing up? Or are you complacent? Like most people, I'm dealing with both internal and external pressure to progress forward. And I was in my dream house last weekend for a hang-out: it was spacious, sparkling, new appliances, 2 floors, winding staircase, big kitchen, fab views... I even took a picture in the bathroom (marble, anyone?) I'd fit in perfectly!


P.S. I believe Sunday is the beginning of the week.

Be Careful What you Wish For...

It May Just Come True!

The past few days, I was feeling both physically and mentally sluggish. I'm glad that I feel better now. Here's a quick confession: I was looking at all the sick time I've accumulated at work and thinking "I wish I could use that up and just take off somewhere." Then I came to realize that if I was sick enough to stay away from work, I probably wouldn't feel like doing anything else.

My summer class started today. As I walked across campus, I smiled because 9 months ago I was there, wishing I could be one of the students with a backpack slung across my shoulder rushing to my next class. My wish came true! Of course, there are still other challenges but the major things are going according to plan. After some time in the working world, I saw for myself that a higher level of education was very necessary to move on to better things. It's one of those things that peroz said all the time, but having my own experience made it more real. Well, this class I'm taking is only 1 unit, but it's going to take a lot of work coz it's over in 5 weeks. The teacher seems alright, she was telling us all the assignments required and everyone seemed overwhelmed. We even have to do a group presentation--as a rule, I don't like group activities, I'd rather do the work my way in my own time--but most of the people seem motivated.

Now, going off on a tangent, I saw a couple of odd things on a menu today. I was standing on a corner outside a Vietnamese restaurant and spotted 'Snake Soup' and among the sides 'Raw egg.' I tried to take a picture with my phone for evidence but the words were too small. How hungry would one be to eat any of these? I don't want to know....

Full Moon

They say when there's a full moon outside, all kinds of things happen. It can explain a crazy, hellish (ok...maybe I'm exaggerating) day at work. Why is it that when one thing happens, all hell breaks loose? And it's always last-minute when you just wanna get out. Dealing with different people has many levels of frustration.

Home at last. A hot shower, and change of pjs later, I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating noodles, spring rolls, dumplings with sweet 'n sour filling, and another kind of dim sum dipped in sesame seeds. I'm also sipping a mug of hot herbal tea from home. I've been having a sniffly nose all day, trying to fight off a cold/flu. I woke up 2 or 3 times last night feeling really hot and wanting to blow my nose. Debated calling in sick but decided to just suck it up coz I already took a sick day this week to sightsee and enjoy the great weather. No regrets with that.

P.S. Been watching Footballer's Wives, great storyline and drama! Took a while to understand their accents though.

*_*

I
am
sorely in need of a massage
and
drowning in paperwork.

My
thoughts
and
prayers
are with
the friend
whose mother died.

One
of my siblings
posed
the question:
"If you had only 1 year to live, what would you do?"

All of a sudden,
some things
don't seem
so important
anymore.

The Show and How to Give a Compliment

Passed by a street festival this past weekend, and the sights took me back many years to The Show in Nairobi. Anyone who's ever been knows all the excitement and fun involved with it: food, ice-cream, rides, balloons, music, exhibitions, stalls with vendors selling all kinds of things, wearing paper/plastic visors to shield your face from the sun, watching the marching band perform, the crowds, and the speeches from important govt. people. Got the chance to attend shows in other smaller towns when we moved out of the city. When I was in school in shagz, we got the day off to go to town coz the Prezo would be opening it that day which equals free entrance and a day off (major excitement). This also meant that the school would get some money donated, the headmistress informed us with a beaming face. It was fun, except I got caught up in the middle of the crowd when the gates were opened and there was a major stampede to enter. From that day on, I avoid being in the center of crowds in any public area. Some people had so much fun that they came to school late and got in trouble. Oh well, what do they expect when they suddenly let teenagers loose from the restrictions and tightly-regulated routines?

I got a compliment at work recently when this man said I was very diplomatic and I must get that from my dad.
"Thanks!" I replied, thinking I learned this from both peroz and from being a middle child. And I've made the following observation: at work, the women usually ask questions about my mom and the men ask about my dad. Funny, huh? I'm always glad to get a compliment on their behalf.
If you ever have a compliment to give, you should say it directly to the person because so many people don't realize nice things about themselves coz they never hear them. There are times you're trying so hard and you think nobody noticed it, then out of the blue you get a commendation for it. It's a wonderful feeling. Please go out and pay somebody a genuine compliment today!

More on Me

1. My ex is: a really great guy-- smart, driven, attractive and fun.

2. I am listening to: Stephen Colbert's wisecracks on Comedy Central.

3. Maybe I should: (a) call my parents (b) go to church sometime

4. I love: my parents, siblings, close buddies, books, fast internet connections, comedy,...too many other things to mention.

5. My best friend: is on a different continent.

6. I don't understand: quantum physics, marriage, how rats become pets, and the obsession with celebrity couples.

7. I lose: at most competitive sports.

8. People say: I look really young.

9. The meaning of my screen name is: nada.

10. Love is: complicated and takes time and experiences to grow. The word is way over-used.

11. Somewhere, someone is: getting drunk.

12. I will always: remember my roots and think about the bigger picture.

13. Forever seems: too uncertain and unbearably long.

14. I never want to: die a slow, painful death.

15. My cell phone is: new, I'm still figuring out how it works.

16. When I wake up in the morning: I hit snooze and say "5 more minutes."

17. I get annoyed at: burger king commercials; infomercials; arrogant, rude, & loud people.

18. Parties are: usually fun, depends on the crowd.

19. My dog is: small, white and fluffy...did I mention stuffed?

20. Kisses are the worst when: they're sloppy.

21. Today I did: shopped for groceries, cleaned, cooked, and went to the library.

22. Tonight I will: Read Barrack Obama's book before I sleep.

23. Tomorrow I will: run errands.

24. I really want: a ticket home for Christmas.

25. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?: Face is clean.

26. What's a word that rhymes with "FUCK"?: Truck.

27. Bright or Dark Room?: Dark.

28. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?: The bigger one.

29. What was the last thing you said to some one? "You want me to close the door?...Goodnight."

Small world

Damn, how does the world seem so big one moment and then shrink the next? When you unexpectedly run into people you know from somewhere else, or somebody comes up to you and says they remember you from place x (and it's for real! not a pick-up line). It can be great to recognize a friendly face in the crowd. But, sometimes it's the last face you wanna see, ie a person you dislike. It's irritating when a person you've interacted with very briefly acts like you're really close. Out with fake smiles and forced pleasantries, whatever happened to saying a simple hello and moving on?

M' iTunes

Songs I'm lovin' right now:

1) Trippin' by Toni Braxton--talk about a comeback! She looks hot and sounds hotter.

2) Over my head by The Fray--this Denver band rocks, I'm just dying to see them perform in my city this summer (tix already sold out). The music video features the lead singer and his younger bro.

3) Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland--major image revamp for Nelly, her vocals are still strong. Timbaland has one of the sexiest voices I've ever heard and natural talent.

3) Unfaithful by Rihanna--the girl has a great voice, cool video.

4) Anything by Bamboo--this Kenyan rap artist has talent! His lyrics flow and make sense. Saw him perform in L.A. during Rugby Sevens weekend. Wish he'd come tour my city. Now, where can I buy one of his CDs?

5) Clarinet Concerto Adagio by Mozart--that quote about "music soothing the savage beast" must have been about this song. When I'm tense or trying to sleep, listening to this relaxes me. It's 7 min. long (yawn...)


Songs I detest:

1) Anything by Pussycat Dolls.

2) My humps by Black-Eyed Peas--After unleashing "Where is the Love" and a couple other songs, they must have run out of ideas. This song is annoying!

3) Temperature by Sean Paul--the song is sawa, but it's a reminder of somebody who really liked it. Can't listen to the song without thinking about the person, so I don't wanna hear the song.

4) Laffy Taffy by D4L--it's playing on the radio right now! I wouldn't date a guy who liked this song.

The Other Side

I watched Paradise Now last night, and I'm blown away.

Right at the end when Said remains behind while Khaled goes back, I wasn't totally surprised. It seemed like they switched roles half-way through because at first, Khaled seemed more passionate about their cause. Said was soft-spoken and calm under pressure, but underneath that was the cold hard resolve to reclaim his dignity in the face of occupation. This film is powerful because it doesn't sugarcoat the situation, force one to choose sides, or even project a fairy-tale end to the never-ending Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It does something really powerful: it gives a glimpse behind the headlines and portrays the humanity of a people stripped of their dignity and their extreme attempts to reclaim it; it makes you think about the other side of the story, which is also the name of a book by Marian Keyes I read recently. It's chic-lit with a twist: 3 women narrate their own side of the story. The main reason I read it was to find out Jo's views; she is dating her married boss Mark. Entertaining!

Random rant of the day: What is it with movies or shows being set in an African country and not featuring any of the local people? For example, an episode of 'Next Top Model' (which I don't even like) shot in South Africa barely showed any black people. All the drivers, designers, tour guides, and random people at hotels shown were white or Indian. Where are the black people at? It's like all those Kenyan films where the only black person you see is the cook, a flat character with only 2 words to say "Yes madam." How can we have our story told by outsiders? It's usually biased and condescending towards the people. We need to retain our dignity if nothing else.

Summer bbqs, Juneteenth, and Dad's Day

"So what do you do for fun?" is a question I ask and answer when I'm getting to know people. This weekend, I got to do one of my fave things: attend a house party/bbq. It was fun and had the right amount of everything: blend of people, great food, lots of alcohol, and lively music. I'm not into clubbing anymore: I'd rather go to a pub or house. I've learned that the word 'party' can mean anything from a crew of friends hanging out, to a dinner, and all the way to a full-blown event--it just depends who you're talking to. It's interesting to hang out with different crowds and see how they like to party. Brazilians get my top vote for best people to party with.

I passed by a Juneteenth festival this afternoon. This holiday, dating back to June 19th, 1865, "commemorates the end of slavery in the U.S." Did anyone ever learn this in history class? I just learned about the holiday recently. A few blocks on the main street were closed off to make room for booths with food, jewelry, random collectibles, and a couple stages with musicians performing. It was cool to see black families enjoying a family day. I even spotted a police department recruitment booth and for some reason I thought it was funny. Another observation I made was that most of the people selling jewelry and African print textiles were Asians. They also own and run most of the beauty supply stores that sell hair products for black women. Hmm..These people are very enterprising, everything is 'made in China!' I think it's about time we learned something from them. When businesses make profits, they channel them back into their communities giving themselves more economic power.

Happy Father's Day! Got my Dad a fabulous gift which will be hand-delivered to him sometime next month. It's gonna be a cool surprise!

Baby please!

My favorite Uncle (he's like a second Dad) and his wife just got a baby. I spent yesterday afternoon shopping for baby clothes. Willingly. (Disclaimer: I've previously aired my views on kids: I don't want to give birth to any now, or in the future. ) This baby is very special and I'm campaigning to be a favorite cousin. I still remember what it was like to be a little kid and have some wonderful older cousins pay attention to me or give me a special treat. Despite my disclaimer above, I don't hate kids. And I just realized what cute clothes they have. There are a million other things that are being marketed to Moms and Dads, and I'm thinking "what the hell is that?" Thanks to celebz, there's a lot of interest in designer products for baby. Some are cool, most are just a waste of time and merely status symbols (isn't everything?). There's a this thing called a baby leash. I first saw it being used at the airport, then in a nearby neighborhood. Seems brilliant for handling active toddlers in public places. (Or naughty adults in private...)


P.S. I hate the Burger King commercials with some guy wearing a chicken costume. Seriously, who came up with this ad? That feathery monster just grosses me out and everyone in my digz.

I'm like totally excited! I got accepted!

Major pet-peeve:
People who say 'like' or 'totally' about 10 times in one sentence. It's such an airhead expression.

Yesterday, I got great news. I was accepted into a school program in my city for this Fall. I didn't think I would get in this year coz I got a denial letter before, so I had plan B and C in place (one involved moving to Hawaii for a few months). Main reason for denial was a couple of prereqs I hadn't done, so I was taking the classes at the local community college. Another thing is the program has limited spots. As most people abroad can attest, it's difficult to balance studies and work. I'd been away from school for a while so my study skills were rusty, anyway I passed my classes! Yay! Actually got an A in Philosophy (the teacher was generous in giving extra credit). As for Chemistry, I'll just say I'm glad I don't have to repeat the class. It's over.
Now, the process of planning for school begins. I'm rather excited about it coz it's taking me closer towards my future plans and ambitions. I remember those last months at home when everybody would ask why you were leaving home and what you wanted to study. At the time, life seemed simple. Now, I realize how much work and effort must be done for plans to succeed. I have renewed respect and love for my parents. I'm feeling optimistic right now and I'm fulfilling my New Year's Resolutions. I hope #1 will happen this December holiday. I've done part of #2 in changing hours, I'm planning to move from that place at the end of the summer. I know it's time to move on to a new phase.

Another highlight: Brazil winning Croatia 1-0. The Croatians put up a fight and were better than I thought. But in the end, Brazil is it!

Thumbs down: The Armenian scandal and the way State House is mishandling it. It reeks of high-level corruption and is doing considerable damage to us and our country. Every other day, I meet somebody who's taking a trip to Kenya and they ask questions. It's guaranteed that many will cancel their holidays as the travel advisories roll out once again. And that brutal attack on a high school boy in Nairobi and the way his situation was mishandled by the school officials is so sad. Tafadhali, enforce the Sexual Offences Bill right now and put the cruel perpetrators away from society.

Krav and German Goals

A few days ago, I went to check out a Krav Maga class (Israeli self-defense martial art). What a workout! It was rather intense, and although I thought I was fit in general, my musles were sore and achy the next day. It's really fun and practical too, so I'm thinking about joining. One observation I made was there were more men than women in the class. It seems like women seem more aware of their body image, but the men are more active in getting out there. A hasty generalization, I know. Or perhaps women prefer aerobics, yoga, and dance?

Anyway, the World Cup has started! Germany beat Costa Rica (4-2). I just caught bits of the game coz I was at work. Hope to see a lot more soon. Well, I'm off to work now!

An Omen?

I just had write something today. The date is 06/06/06 or 666.
Some churches say this number has meaning and there's something evil about it. Revelation refers to it as "the mark of the beast."
I don't really know.
Disasters happen on any other day so I don't know what makes this day any worse. It's not the end of the world just yet.

Ati there's a town called Hell in Michigan. They planned a celebration for today. I'm superstitious so I wouldn't ever live there!

A reliable source tells me that horror movies usually rank high in the box office. Well, I know I'm not contributing to any of that coz I don't watch horror. I don't even want to see the trailer or adverts for the new movie "The Omen." Even though I know there's fake stuff (Scream), I don't want to see anything to do with exorcisms, or massacres. Real life gets scary enough. I know if I watch those movies, I'll be getting flashbacks at odd times. So, no thanks, it's not for me.

6 Facts About...

Me!

I've been tagged by The Outlaw Torn.

The rules:-
- Post six weird facts/habits about yourself. These cannot be used against you later on : )
- At the bottom name the six people you will tag next.
- Leave them a comment to let them know they've been tagged and to read your blog.

6 Weird Facts about myself:

1. I'm obsessed with cleaning my ears: I always keep a stock of q-tips handy. It's part of my morning and bedtime routine. I even do it in the middle of the day. It all started after this guy slobbered all over my ear one evening....

2. I used to love eating plain lettuce in high school. I relished fresh, crunchy iceberg lettuce with nothing on it: no dressing or vinegar. My buddies used to dis me about it. I even had an embarassing photo published of me devouring a head of lettuce; now I think it's funny. I don't do it anymore though.

3. A lot of people confide their secrets to me. I guess they find it easy to talk to me. I've heard all kinds of confessions so few things shock me anymore. I'm not telling anything! On the other hand, I have a hard time confiding in people.

4. My ideal body is that of Serena or Venus Williams. I would love to be an athlete with rippling muscles and incredible strength.

5. Every time I wake up, I have to make my bed. Even though some other things are out of place, a neat bed just makes the room look so much neater. I guess my Mom's admonitions to clean and neaten things rubbed off on me, or was it the years of boarding school routine?

6. If I drink hot coffee or tea from a mug in a restaurant or a stranger's house, I'll usually hold the handle in my left hand (I'm right-handed) because I'm subconsciously thinking of all the people who've sipped from that same cup and their germs.

I'm tagging Acolyte who always has something interesting to say, Future Diplomat--hope this will be a cheerful distraction, La Belle Kenyanne please share, Nakeel I'd like to get a closer glimpse of you, Omar I bet you'll be very unique, and Sayesha who has lots of fascinating ideas.

Being Kenyan on Madaraka Day

Happy Madaraka Day!
Quick recap: this is a national holiday in Kenya that "celebrates the anniversary of self-government." It dates back to June 1st, 1964. It's often confused with Jamhuri Day, our Independence Day that was on Dec 12th, 1963. However, I'm not going into the political aspects of the holiday. I'm making this personal! This is about me being a Kenyan.

I am purely Kenyan: my passport and experiences prove it. I was born and bred there like my ancestors before me. It's my home because that where my roots are. There is so much to reminisce about: Farmer's Choice sausages and chips, slaughtering a goat for Christmas, braving pot-holed, muddy roads to go shagz & visit grandperoz, being welcomed into homes with hot chai, boarding schools, report forms (aiming for no. 1), mitush, VM, Splash, going to the show, buying sweets and bread at the local kiosk, crazy neighbors, friendly neighbors, dressing up for church, the comforts that peroz worked hard to provide, holidays, plucking chickens and cooking for visitors, shopping @ uchumi, the local market, etc. Life wasn't perfect, but I couldn't imagine being from anywhere else. I like to share my growing up experiences with people who have a limited view of Kenya. Of course, our wildlife is important--we've enjoyed those trips to Masaai Mara (it has the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen). And it just happened that a famous marathon runner or two lived in my old neighborhood. We're proud of them! But what about the majority of people whose lives revolved around other things? There are so many stories...that's why blogging is so great! We get to hear some different and some similar stories that connect us and teach us things we'd never know. KBW was a great idea.

Anytime we celebrate an anniversary whether it's a birthday or the birth of a nation, we reflect on where we started, and how far we've come since then. Somebody famous (who?) said "life is a journey, not a destination." On that note, I'm going to quote something I wrote on August 9, 2003:

[Before my sister and I came to study in the United States 2+ years ago, our father, a very wise man, told us this: He said that it is important to know where you are from. I didn't fully understand it then, but now I have seen the light. Our culture is our identity--it makes us distinct so we are not just another faceless person in the crowd. And this is very important when you live in a country where you are classified as a minority--and associated with all the negative things that come with it. When you have a sense of self, it gives you pride and dignity and helps you keep your focus. After a while, people will notice that you are different and you can excel at what you do. When I was in Kenya, I used to be amused when a person gave a lengthy introduction, "My name is so-and-so, my father is...my mother is...my home village is...the nearest market is...in this location...in that sub-location..our chief is..and our MP is...." then the person would continue to give a mini-history of his family--including marriages and children. Now I understand why all this is imporant. We need to have a sense of history and know where we came from as we try to find our place in the world. ]

What a rush!

A buddy recently told me about her adventure skydiving.
"Wow! what a rush!" I replied, "I'd be scared to death if I had to jump out of a plane."
So, I have a fear of heights. Many people do. I also can't swim. Years ago, I took lessons but the moment I get in deep water I panic. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to face the fear. I enjoy boating but if it tipped over, that would be it. One of my fave books as a child was called Narrow Escapes (gift from a good friend in primo) and it featured stories of shipwrecks in wild seas. I enjoyed reading them but I resolved never to sail around the world.

It seems like a lot of people hunt for activities that challenge their physical and mental endurance; that adrenaline rush must be addictive. I've gone on a couple of amusement park rides that gave me that rush: even though I logically knew I'd get back down, there was a moment when I was suspended up there when I thought, "this is the end!" And one of the best tours I've had in my city was riding on the back of a motorcycle. It was a spontaneous afternoon ride I took with a certain gentleman. Very exciting! In the end, I prefer to remain on solid ground.

ABCs

All or nothing.
Be the best or remain invisible.
Climb to the top of the ladder, or stay out of the mad scramble.

A pledge of lifelong loyalty and devotion, or sever all ties.
Break the barrier or stand aside in the shadows.
Conquer the world, or be a servant.

Action!
Beware of vows made in the heat of the moment.
Can you live with them?

Hatin' Holidays and the Tax Man

When I first saw this, it cracked me up! This is how I feel about holidays. Let me rephrase that: it's how I feel about the over-commercialization of holidays. Plus, it's not a holiday for me if I'm working so I could care less. Thanks to annoying tv commercials and the advertising industry, we'll never forget when it's time for us to empty our accounts coz our significant others will feel horribly neglected if we don't give them gifts. I do enjoy shopping for gifts for those I love, but I don't like the message from adverts:"You have to go out and buy all this crap right now!" I find those perky, high-pitched (often female) voices annoying. I even hate checking my voice mail coz I hate the voice mail lady's voice:"please enter your password." Is that strange?

I'm tired of memorizing passwords, usernames, code images, and pin numbers. There are the routine things like e-mail and online bills, but these days you have to sign up to read news, or browse some online stores. We have to be careful coz of identity theft, but the next thing you know, they'll be asking for blood type and tissue samples to prove we are ourselves. Maybe the idea of implantable microchips in our forearms isn't that bad; they seem to work for pets.

I would willingly have a chip implanted in my arm if my state tax board would give me my refund check sooner. Somewhere, in a landfill or a garbage dump is a check with my name on it. I waited for it with great anticipation, the same way you wait for a phone call from that 'special somebody' who makes your heart beat faster and puts a big smile on your face. Problem: it never came! Partly my fault coz they still had my old address on file. The people in my old place decided to throw out all the mail that didn't belong to them. So, I go online to check the status of the refund, but I can't get info. I dial the 1-800 number and I'm greeted by that brilliant automated voice system: "para espanol, oprima numero dos." (And they wonder why people don't speak English? )
The lines were constantly busy, it was like trying to get a visa appointment at the US embassy in Nairobi. After multiple calls, I get through, give the various numbers to id myself and state that I never got my check. The dude on the other end sounds bored as he explains what I have to do: sign the form I'll receive in 2 weeks, mail it back, wait for verification from them that I didn't actually cash the check, and finally get the damn thing.
Sounds straight up--but "it could take up to 5 months."
WTF! In this day of fedexing stuff overnight and wiring funds around the world in minutes it can take 2 weeks to mail a stupid form. And months for them to track down the check and mail it to me. It doesn't make sense! I am furious but I gotta do it. Hope nobody else has to go through this. There's no escaping the tax man!

Pets,'Reality' & My little crush

There's a breed of dogs known as the "Leonberger." They're intelligent, calm, affectionate, loyal, and friendly. They can even save me from drowning. What more do I need in a companion? Nada. My eldest sibling has sike to get a puppy, but we can't have any pets in our apartment. I can handle any kind of pet except a reptile, and most rodents. One of my workmates has a snake. And it's not one of those tiny garden ones either. I think it's a boa constrictor or something. When the honey had a birthday bash at her digz, I saw the snake sleeping in a huge glass cage. Thankfully, the cage was covered while we were there. What is this crazy urge to bring the jungle home with you?

The term 'reality show' is rather ironic, don't you think? Some are dumb, others entertaining. I met a dude who tried out for The Apprentice. Which show would you go on if you had the chance?
For me, it's simple: MTV's "Made."

There's this MTV show called "My Super Sweet 16" that features superwealthy kids planning parties to celebrate their birthdays. Talk about extravagance, arrogance, and people with money to burn! These teenagers have a major sense of entitlement, they even push their parents around. There's this really cute, dimpled boy called Darnell who's recreating the 'Coming to America' scene with dancers. Isn't it amazing how just looking at some people will put a smile on your face and lift your spirits?

On my recent trip out of town, I was crushing on this hot guy. Actually, there were cute guys everywhere I turned. But this one is special...I have pictures! He is a fine Kenyan with a nice ass (of course) and a wicked sense of humor. But at times, we are not in a position to give our hearts away. But it's nice to know the great options out there. On the other hand, it is such a relief to look back at some former crushes and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?"

A place of refuge

I've been reading about Ayaan Hirsi Ali, the striking Somali born Dutch politician who is now resigning from her post in Parliament due to pressure about lies on her asylum application and is also being kicked out of her residence because neighbors complained she's a threat to their safety (Muslim extremists have been making threats to her life for the past few years) so she's taking up a new gig in D.C. Well, this woman is not only beautiful, but also intelligent and articulate in several languages. She lived in Kenya before moving to Europe. She has a lot of guts to say things are they are, and offended fundamental Muslims. There's been a lot of controversy surrounding her situation.

Asylum and immigration are hot button topics on this side of the Atlantic too. Dubya and the Senate are working on getting a bill passed while millions hold their breath. But not for long...life must go on. No matter where you are in the world, you've got to wake up, shower, get dressed, and work so that at the end of the day you can have a hot meal and a safe place to rest your fatigued body. Some people are getting very militant on this issue, "we need more laws!" No. I disagree, there are already numerous laws in place but they haven't always been enforced. Or rather, the wrong group is being subjected to new restrictions monthly. Why exactly do students have to be hassled so much?

I've heard about a crooked lawyer who has swindled a lot of our friends from south of the border. People trying to get makaratasi were told about this guy, so they paid a hefty deposit for services after being told they could get asylum. The lawyer would take cases that he knew were hopeless. Even when there's hope, the avg processing time is in yrs--there's a serious backlog of cases. You want a dependable pro handling your case. No matter the outcome, you're going to pay. You walk into the office and the lawyer says "Good morning" and you've already been billed. You'd better get straight to the point and have all documents on hand coz by the time you're being told "Goodbye" you may have spent your next paycheck! At the end of the day, we are all searching for asylum aka "a place of refuge and protection."

Handcuffed!

We live in an unpredictable world. Check this out: one moment, I'm standing on the sidewalk listening to "Kenyan Boy, Kenyan Girl" by Necessary Noize on my ipod. Next thing, there are 3 cop cars in the middle of the street in front of me, sirens blaring. 6 men in blue step out of their cars and surround a shifty, bummy looking man. A few minutes before, the man was yelling something incomprehensible, now he was handcuffed and being searched. They pulled something out of his pocket. One of the cops walked to a building on the same block and questioned a woman standing by the door. I don't usually check out cops, but I've been seeing some hot ones lately! There's something attractive about a man in uniform. One of the things on my wishlist is a pair of fur-lined handcuffs.

Something else I've been checking out lately is guys' asses. A firm, toned round butt is a true ASSet!

Classes are over in the next week. I don't even care about the grades anymore. I just want it to be over.

Thirsty or hungry? Take a break!

I started out the morning feeling really thirsty, I gulped a bottle of water before leaving for work. No breakfast. Not unusual when I have to get up early--I'm just not hungry early in the day. I like to eat leisurely meals when I have enough time to savor the flavors in every bite. So I get to work and, an hour later, develop a pounding headache. It was kind of weird. I don't usually get headaches, unless I've been crying really hard. Tylenol usually does the trick so that's what I took. Then I downed a cup of coffee. Time crawled by, like a senior citizen driving in front of you on the narrow, windy road down the mountain. I seized the chance to take an early lunch thinking some Sobe Lizard Fuel and a croissant sandwich would perk me up.

When I got back to work, I was feeling funny: slightly lightheaded, and weak. I felt like my blood sugar was running low, I knew I was dehydrated, and I didn't want to pass out. I told one of my workmates who gave me a glucose tablet to chew and checked my blood sugar. It was within the normal range but I wasn't feeling great. While I sat and sipped my drink, my workmate was asking me some questions like whether I ate breakfast or lunch. When I thought about it, I realized it wasn't much. She told me, "You need to take care of yourself and eat something every morning." In my mind, I'm thinking, "I know that!" But guess what, knowing is one thing, action is another.

Especially for those of us who are young and healthy. We push ourselves knowing our bodies can take almost anything. Sleep deprivation, unbalanced meals, loads of caffeine, processed sugar, large amounts of alcohol are part of our lives--for some more than others. We know we should drink more water, and eat fruits and vegez daily. Once in a while we get a reality check. All the plans we make for tomorrow, next month, and next year are based on our health. Anyway, I started feeling better. And I got to leave work early coz it was a slow day. God bless my workmate who drove me right to my doorstep! I got home and changed into comfy clothes, shortly I was enjoying a delicious hot meal of pilau, Napa cabbage, and bean soup. Now I feel fabulous! Just takin' it easy and having an early night.

Heard...and Seen {-_-}

Memorable movie quotes:
1) "We are the Catholic church, we can do anything." Casanova.
2) "Deep down, I'm really shallow." Shark Tale.
3) "We want free!" Amistad.
4) "Just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in" The Godfather.
5) "I'm not a Las Vegas showgirl, I'm a headliner!" Sister Act 2.

Today,
while walking home from the neighborhood Safeway, I passed by an old couple strolling. The woman was walking slightly ahead and she'd slow down and urge the man to walk faster. He looked like he's lived through both world wars, the fall of the Soviet Union, and seen the computer shrink from occupying an entire field to something you can carry in one hand. Anyway, I think old couples are sweet when they still seem enthralled by each other. Talking of strange couple behavior, I remember some men who would rarely walk with their wives. As in, they are both going to church or something at the same time but you see the husband about 5 feet ahead striding confidently while the wife trails behind. What is up with that? Maybe I never got the memo, but is it a cultural thing or just a personal thing? Either way, I don't like it. It implies lack of consideration among other things.

It's high season for sports, obviously. Saw a bunch of little leaguers in uniform. Planning to see a live baseball game and looking forward to World Cup. I recently hang out in some sports bars (with some dudes of course) watching the Lakers vs Suns game and it was quite interesting. I know the general rules but the finer details escape me. But that's just me. There must be some kind of genetic code programmed in males that attracts them to sports. If a man enters a room and there's a game on tv, he'll instantly gravitate in that direction like steel shavings to a magnet. I think there's also a code programmed in females that attracts them to magazines. I've tried to analyze their attraction from a logical view without success. I'm talking magazines like Cosmo, Marie Claire, Seventeen, Redbook, etc. If you grab a sample of these, you'll realize there are some dominant themes and articles that keep getting published every month: "10 ways to please your man," "Discover the real fabulous you," "Meals that tantalize the senses" "Serve yourself for dessert tonight" Even guys who bitch about magazines giving ladies senseless ideas have probably been the recipient of some exciting experiment from those same magazines. (Say 'thank you Cosmo!') Some of those tips are pretty useful, but I think it's the pictures and real-life examples ( love the embarassing stories and confessions) that make the magazines irresistible. Who knows? Who even really cares? Not much harm is done, so hand me that Cosmo!

Da Vinci, Bad drivers, & the Cocktail Within

This past weekend, I had a great trip out of town: saw old buddies, ate a lot, drank plenty, and had a wonderful time socializing. Enjoyed the sunny west coast weather and the sights. On my way there, I sat next to a pleasant older couple. After chatting briefly with the gentleman, I saw 'Angels and Demons' by Dan Brown in his hand. I asked if he'd read 'The Da Vinci Code.' He had but wasn't enthusiastic about its portrayal of secret societies. The he showed me his Mason ring. There are so many myths surrounding them but I won't get into that. I do know for a fact that they are very wealthy and run children's hospitals (Shriners) which give free care--but the kids have to meet certain criteria. This has to be one of the most widely read books around the world. It has sparked off genuine interest in religious history, art, Europe, the Knights Templar, secret rituals, Leonardo da Vinci, and Jesus. Lots of other books on the subject have since been published, and there are tours that highlight the museums and churches mentioned. The movie had better be good!

My rant of the day: bad drivers! When I get into a car and somebody is going to drive me somewhere, I don't ask for their DL or where they learned to drive. I assume the person knows the basics, but there are times I have to break the silent passenger code and interfere for safety reasons. I was riding with a dude today whose driving made me so nervous that I will never get into his car again. Slowing down while crossing an intersection, running a red light when there were other cars coming, chilling at a 4-way stop for too long, parking and blocking cars, the list goes on. I felt like yelling, "Are you blind!" I was very relieved to get to my destination. I don't want to die in a car accident, that's scary.

As time goes by, do we grow up into different people with new personalities or are we born with multiple ones that take turns dominating? Seriously, are there times you find yourself doing or saying something is just not you? You're thinking, the old me would never do this, but it makes perfect sense right now! Although we may all have the classic Jekyll/Hyde aspect, I think we're made up of a more complex blend. Like a cocktail: it can be sweet or sour, icy, fizzy, colorful or clear, strong or watered down, and may have extras (olives, cherries, lime, mint...) that make it memorable.

Labor(less) Day

I didn't go to work today. Didn't have to coz I worked all weekend. So when the alarm clock went off, I just shut it off and rolled over. I enjoy waking up with the sunlight peeking through my burgundy curtain, then sipping hot tea or coffee after a shower. Briefly thought about skipping class in support of immigration rights, then thought, "Who am I kidding? There's an exam on Wednesday!" For my views on immigration, see my April 10th post. Today, a very special person is celebrating a birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY M!

So I get to Chemistry class late (I've got a chronic lateness problem, I'm either late or really early) and sit near the front coz it's closer to the door. I usually sit in the back next to a dude from Cote d'Ivoire. Rule is, when you're in front you have to stay awake and appear very interested. It's a challenge when class is over an hour long and during lunchtime. These days, I have a very short attention span. Don't know why. My chem professor seems very enthusiastic about his subject. But I could never be a teacher, or a public speaker, or a solo performer. I hate being in the spotlight--the center of visual attention. It doesn't mean that I want to be ignored. Instead, I'd like to be one of those legends that you hear about but rarely see. I'd rather be the power behind the curtain masterminding the scenes.

P.S. I'm reading a book called "The Last Don' by Mario Puzo of The Godfather fame. It's gripping, fast-paced and exciting, kinda like me (just kidding!). I passed by a great bookstore today in my old neighborhood and browsed. What I wanna read soon: Obama's "Tales of My Father" and anything by David Sedaris. Also looking to read up on intelluctual property rights.

Leavin' on a jet plane

One of my closest friends is leaving the country and going back home. I am going to miss her a lot. We've been through a lot together: from high school years to college in a foreign country. Being roommates in college was such a fun experience! At first, I worried that we'd fight and the tensions would ruin the relationship. However, it worked out great, we complemented each other very well. One of the things I miss most are the late night talks that began in high school: the lights were out, everyone was comfortable in pjs and tucked into bed, and the vibe was flowing. No topic was sacred: crushes/boyfriends, anal teachers, our health, politics, NASA, sciencific research, secret cultural practices, religion, world travel, and home. I'm happy for her because it means she's closer to realizing her dreams, but I'm sad for myself because it feels like my world won't be such a friendly place after all. Once in a while, when someone close to me undergoes a major change, I get the feeling that I'm being left behind. One of the hard things about getting older is realizing that a certain phase of your life is over: you get to keep the memories and the odd picture or two. You realize that everyone has a different calling and that can lead you in different directions, geographically and otherwise.

I bought a ticket to visit my buddy and say goodbye, but I just found out she'll leave sooner than planned so I won't see her at all. How messed up is that? A minor detail: I have a nonrefundable ticket. So I'm going anyway! It's alright coz I'll get to visit other buddies in that area and I could use a getaway. So, I will also be leavin' on a jet plane....

The Half-naked man in my room

There's a happy half-naked man in my room. And that thought puts a smile on my face...

Now, get your mind out of the gutter! This is a holy man.
It is my very own Laughing Buddha!
He sits on my dresser in all his glorious golden stature, half covered in a burgundy cloth, in front of the scented candle.
He was a special gift from someone really close to me. The first time I saw him was about 3 years ago in summer camp (it was intense but also fun!). We were there for the volunteer staff orientation and we were going round a circle sharing something personal. One lady, the camp founder, shared her Laughing Buddha with us. I couldn't get him off my mind, so I wanted one of my own. It always lifts my spirits to look at his joyful face-- a very powerful symbol=)

The Devil's Footpath

Just read an article on a Kenyan named June Akinyi Arunga in The Nation. It was fascinating: it talked about her work and numerous achievements (very impressive). The main idea that hit a chord with me is 'presenting the real image of Africa to the world.' It is tragic that the mere mention of our continent brings up so much negativity. The only positive comments I usually get about Kenya concerns our runners and the wildlife in game parks. I'm very proud of both, but I often say to people I meet that there is so much more! Anyhow, June Arunga has been involved in making some documentaries about our continent. I'd like to watch The Devil's Footpath.

I've been reading up various articles on economics, public policy, and international aid to African countries and I'd like to quote Paul D. Wolfowitz (current president of the World Bank), said during his time @ Johns Hopkins University " Pouring more foreign aid where the policies are wrong only reinforces bad policies." Hmm....that's an idea! If only it could be put into practice....

Gross habits and where-am-I-heading?

The Acolyte has a couple of funny posts about his pet-peeves and I have to mention one of mine: people spitting on a public sidewalk after noisily clearing their throats. This is straight up disgusting behavior! I used to think it was something that low-class people from shagz did, but I've been proved otherwise. You're walking along calmly, then you hear someone clearing their throat, then splat! on the sidewalk. If you have a throat infection, carry kleenex and throw it in the trash. IF I WERE MAYOR, I WOULD IMPOSE HEAVY FINES ON ANY PERSON SPITTING IN PUBLIC AND REQUIRE COMMUNITY SERVICE.

I've been going through that stage of questioning what I'm doing in life and my goals, a quarter-life crisis of sorts: re-examining beliefs, looking at how the present will relate to the future, focusing on the bigger picture of things when the details are overwhelming, and making plans (A,B, and C...) on how to get there. My goal in life is not just to survive, but to thrive. I've found myself questioning the definition of "success." My sis and I have had numerous discussions on the subject. There's always a set of expectations that we're all trying to live up to. And some of them are self-imposed. So in a way, wouldn't life be easier if you have low expectations so if something fabulous works out then it will be a wonderful surprise? But then, how can you settle if you know there's potential for so much more?

I think it's amazing that when you lose belief in yourself, there are others that still believe in you. Sometimes, you need that reminder from people you love and respect to bring you down to earth, siblings, select relaz, and buddies all help. A call home to The Parents does wonders. It is such a relief to know that I don't have to figure it all out coz they're are way smarter than me! I admire their calm reassurance and confidence. I'm so grateful to have them. I was just chatting with some dude at my workplace and I was talking about my family being in Kenya, just a few of us abroad. Then I asked him about his family. The dude said he's not been in touch with them for years and doesn't know where they are. There was a silent awkward moment. I looked at him thinking, "how? there must be a story there." He didn't volunteer any details so I didn't push. I felt the need to say something:"Friends are like family too when you go through experiences with them." He just nodded, eyes looking glossy. We gotta appreciate our loved ones, by blood and through experience. so here's another, "Thank you, I love y'all!" to mine.

The world through my eyes

Seen:
1) "Bye bye birdies!" on the side of a white pick-up truck, advertising services for getting rid of pigeons from your roof. Those birds are scary! Not scared of humans and multiply endlessly.
2) An Asian girl in my neighborhood walking a black and white cat, with a red collar around its neck attached to a brown leash. I did a double take, WTF?
3) A 2007 Toyota Camry commercial with the line, "At what point does a car become part of your family?" NEVER!
4) A mother calmly strolling down the drinks aisle in Safeway, while her 6 or 7 yr-old daughter jogged behind her pushing a huge cart full of groceries, barely avoiding crashing into me. How lazy can you get? You're the grown-up so do the work.
5) A commercial on an eye Lasik procedure that promises to take you "beyond 20/20." If I have to wear glasses, I may do it.
6) An empty case of Heineken in my kitchen, a betrayal of my fave MGD, the morning after a night spent drinking and chatting in my cozy apartment.
7) Horrible, plain brown "old lady" shoes at Shoe Pavilion, comfortable looking but very hard on the eyes. Also saw some stripper-like shoes. Was very relieved to see a stylish pair of black "g" series (by Nike) that were not only cute, but comfortable and walkable--perfect for my lifestyle.

Black (Africa) vs Black (America)

The sun finally came out! I'm looking forward to going outside today.

I'm just watching "Coming to America" on tv for the 10th time or something. The jokes still crack me up! Eddy Murphy is so handsome and lovable; unlike his alter ego in Raw. Not only is this movie entertaining, it also touches on a lot of real issues: gold-diggers, arranged marriages, living in a different country, tensions between Africans and black Americans, and arrogant rich guys with bad hair! It's also one of the few movies that shows a green lush Zimunda instead of the usual dusty, abandoned, desert village that's supposedly home for us. By the way, Adrian has some beautiful pics from his visit home.

Talking of tensions between people from African countries and black Americans (or African-Americans, the pc term?)--question is what's the deal? This question was bluntly thrown in my face last week by a well-spoken black American man. He added, "A lot of you (Africans) think you're better than us."
My response, "It's bullshit."
We can't deny that this attitude exists. Sad to say, I've often witnessed my fellow countrymen giving bad treatment more often than not. I once took a buddy of mine--black girl from New York--to visit a Kenyan acquintance. When we arrived at the house, the guy we wanted to see was gone so we hang around to wait for him. The woman of the house was very rude to my buddy, asking like 21 questions about her life. Then this Kenyan woman proceeded to bitch about how black Americans are lazy and dissed their way of life. I was pissed that she had the balls to say this to my buddy's face. This was just bad behavior. Although there are some truths she said, it was so disrespectful of her to treat my buddy like that. We left the house shortly afterwards without looking back. And how immature is it for people to argue about who's ancestors ran faster vs who went in the slave ship?

There's no denial that those tensions exist; and I think looking at the demographics makes the picture more clear. Majority of Kenyans, and other Africans, leave home in pursuit of education and job opportunities. Because of the stress we go through to get abroad, most of us are very driven in accomplishing specific goals. After living here (U.S. or wherever else) for a while, you get a reality check about the system. You realize that there are certain benefits reserved for citizens (loans, scholarships, affirmative action programs) and then you wonder "Why aren't these people taking advantage?" For us, it just makes sense.

I have tried to look at matters from the other perspective and even though I don't understand all of the 'whys'--I'm hesitant to make sweeping judgements on people. Factors like socio-economic class, family background, culture, and even personal views come into play. How can you as a product of the middle-class, enjoying the benefits of a solid education and family support compare yourself to a person who grew up with few resources, struggling with basic needs? The concept of delayed gratification is a middle class construct. But just think for a moment, what if there wasn't some reward waiting for you after all your hard work and sacrifice? Then, what's the point in saving, or putting things off for tomorrow? Priorities would shift very fast. Leaving home makes one appreciate a lot of things, like a supportive family network that pushes you to achieve the best. I've found that the general view in the U.S. is that if you're black, you're not expected to amount to much. I think that when nobody believes in you, it's hard to believe in yourself. If you're constantly bombarded by negative messages, you start to internalize some of them. That's happened to the black community in this country. Despite our cultural differences, I think we should focus more on what brings us together.

Emily Dickinson says it all

Emily Dickinson is one of my fave poets. She makes so much sense. I have a book with some selected poems in my library. Although she lived in the 1800s, she tackled some hot-button issues that we deal with today:

"The right to perish might be thought
An undisputed right.
Attempt it, and the Universe upon the opposite
Will concentrate its officers...."

For a lot of us working and studying constantly in the name of future success, have you ever thought?

"How happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And doesn't care about careers,
And exigencies never fears...."

On broken hearts, and broken relationships:

"Proud of my broken heart since thou didst break it,
Proud of the pain I did not feel till thee...."

and

"We outgrow love like other things
And put it in the drawer...."

and

"Heart, we will forget him!
You and I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light...."

And in my journey through life I often feel that:

"Heaven is what I cannot reach!
The apple on the tree,
Provided it do hopeless hang,
That 'heaven' is, to me...."

Here are the lines that struck a major chord in me, I even memorized it!

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all...."

And finally, in praise of those bound volumes we read:

"There is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
No coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry...."

Just one last inspiring one!

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

A lofty aspiration, that's enough to think about.

Rain and Hair-raising Adventures

I'm sick of the fucking rain! It just won't stop. I don't even want to hear the word 'spring.' When I move from here, I'm going someplace hot and sunny. A desert or an island, perhaps? I don't like carrying an umbrella but I'm forced to. It doesn't always help because the wind will blow sideways and you'll be left soaking wet. And did I mention that I just got my hair done a few days ago? As in, I endured about 2 hours of a painful attack on my sensitive scalp: the mission was to scrub it clean, condition, detangle, straighten, trim, and style it. Those who have gone through this can empathize. If only there was some kind of anesthetic that could be applied to the scalp before you're subjected to extreme heat! I know a chic who would pop a pain pill before getting her hair done. Yes, it can be that painful. I enjoy the shampoo part: leaning back over the sink as warm water and yummy smelling stuff is massaged into your scalp is so relaxing. As long as the stylist doesn't use his/her inch-long nails to dig into your follicles, it's all good. When it's time to press the hair, I try to sit still because I don't want that hot steel comb to leave any scars on me. Of course, I know the stylist is skilled and can do wonders (which is why I keep going back), but I get nervous if their cell-phone rings and they pick it up. I chant various mantras and keep saying to myself, "it will be over soon!" In the end, it looks fabulous. Mission accomplished! But it takes some upkeep, like avoiding water for some days. That's why I usually opt for a low maintenance, all-weather proof hairdo that I can do myself. So, damn that rain!

Talking of hairstylists, I really like the chic who styled mine. And her hair looks great. Usually, when you like somebody's work, you keep going back. Even though I've lived in this area for a while, I can't commit to just one stylist. What does that say about me? Commitment-phobic? Maybe. I started out with stylist #1 who is probably the best of them all. Doesn't talk much but delivers. Works in a posh salon in an upscale neighborhood, and that was reflected in the price. And I had to get an appointment way in advance. Some things are worth it though. One time I needed a last-minute appointment coz I was leaving town for a function. Nothing was available with s#1, so entered s#2. Stylist #2 works in a JC Penney's salon in a mall. The location was convenient and I could go shopping at Target on the same day. S#2 was pleasant and patient--I once showed up with half my hair still in twists and extremely tangled. She tackled the job well. But I felt as though I was cheating on s#1. But I rationalized that I needed a plan b if the original one wasn't available. I went back to s#1, but was shocked at a sudden jump in price. Now, I believe in investing in myself, but I have other priorities. I don't get paid for the way I look so it's not that deep! I met s#3 by random chance. Her salon had an exhibit at a city festival so I got the card and called. S#3 is friendly, and I can get an appointment anytime. I like the vibe at the salon, lively and laid-back. Haven't seen s#1 or s#2 in ages and I don't feel guilty anymore. I still keep their numbers coz you never know when you'll need a back-up!

Marsabit Crash and Immigration

Sadness and grief is in the air. My condolences to the families and friends of the Kenyan leaders who died in the tragic plane crash in Marsabit. We will shed tears with you.


Today thousands of people in cities around the U.S. marched for immigration rights. It's always been an issue, but lately became a hot topic along with Iraq, terrorism, and the White House leak. There's no clear-cut solution for dealing with millions of undocumented foreigners in a country. (I don't like the term 'alien') Below are some problems being debated.

1) Distribution of resources.
The locals think that having so many foreigners around is going to drain their coffers. However, just being in the country doesn't entitle one to public assistance programs or other resources that citizens take for granted. So, those people in line at the welfare office are citizens! And there are people who can't file for taxes, although deductions are made every 2 weeks.

2) Lack of jobs and economic recession.
So, just because some major companies have outsourced their work and relocated abroad, or gone bankrupt and merged with a bigger company resulting in people losing jobs, doesn't mean that immigrants are to blame. There are cycles of prosperity and hard times everywhere. There are also tax laws and govt. policies that affect the way businesses are run. And if anyone is willing to work picking grapes and fruits for minimal pay and no benefits, they always have openings. On the other hand, there are other jobs with great pay and benefits if you possess specific skills--and they don't care what country you're from as long as you can do the job.

3)Safety, or lack of it.
This one is b.s. Recently heard someone on a right-wing tv station describe the situation as "a clear and present danger." Of course it's natural to worry about security, but criminalizing people who are working to feed their families is unjust. You don't have to be scared of all the dark-skinned, turban-wearing folks who speak with a foreign accent. There's an account of an academic type visiting an American University to teach a class, who was frozen at the airport, forced to spend a night in jail, then sent back to the country he came from because of a technicality. As if humiliation isn't enough, there's a group called the minutemen in places like Arizona who shoot anybody who tries to cross the border.

4) Socio-cultural considerations.
Anytime a group of foreigners settle in a community, there's worry about adapting to the culture. Language is big. Please learn English people! How does one live in a country for years, even decades, without being able to construct 2 sentences in the official language? If I lived in Rio, I'd have to learn Portuguese. When it comes to food, the foreigners win! One cannot live on McD's alone. I enjoy having a variety of cuisines to choose from: fresh sushi, dim sum, spicy tandoori chicken, Thai curries, healthy burritos with fresh ingredients (NOT Taco Bell), and the list goes on. Food is great coz it brings us together. I think it's ironic that some locals will bitch about illegal Mexicans in the country, yet run to eat Mexican food and sip a cold Corona or Dos Equis. Later, they'll jetset to Cabo on vacation and perhaps buy a vacation home down there. Meanwhile, these guys are reproducing at a very fast rate; their kids grow up here and make it home.

Finally, just to clarify: not all immigrants are illegal. And not all illegal immigrants are Mexicans (although they are the most populous). I wonder, what will the Senate do about the situation?

10 Reasons

There will always be issues between men and women. Each side argues that the others have it easier. Mention the word "feminist" in a crowd and a heated discussion will follow. Everyone deals with different challenges. Sometimes, I think about being on the other side.

Here are 10 reasons why I wish I was a man:
1) Periods. At any given time before or during, you deal with bloating, cramps, strange food cravings, and if that doesn't put you in a bad mood--then hormones wreaking havoc in your system will. And any male who smugly asks, "Is it that time of the month?" Don't go there.
2) It's impossible to give birth. Therefore, you won't be subjected to conversations about your "biological clock" and debates on natural vs. C-section.
3) Basic hair maintenance would be a monthly visit to the barber.
4)The only 2 items to splurge on when shopping would be shoes and cologne. The rest are details.
5) You can impress potential partners with only your brains and wit (and #4).
6) Future in-laws could care less if you cook or have child-bearing hips.
7) When it gets too hot, you can just go topless.
8) The restroom line is always shorter.
9)You can pursue almost any career or field (with few exceptions) you're interested in without dealing with a lot of hostility--like people underestimating your intelligence because of your gender. And few people will question whether heavy investment in your education is worth it.
10) If you act like an asshole, people dismiss your behavior saying "he's just a man." Women are given the message to always act 'nice' or else they're labelled as snobs or bitches.

Of Political detainees

Just read about this dude called Hao Wu on Afromusing's blog. He's been detained by the Chinese government. Check out the story.




http://www.freehaowu.org/

I'm not a lawyer--one of my lawyer uncles shot down that idea when at the age of 10, or so, I proudly declared I wanted his job-- so I can't argue the finer points of laws concerning human rights, access to legal help, and a fair and speedy trial. A person may be innocent or guilty, but there's a process that needs to be followed. I was a member of Amnesty International at my former school. The main thing we did was write letters appealing on behalf of various political prisoners and people being detained unjustly. It was great to hear about the successful cases like the chic in Nigeria who was gonna get stoned for being pregnant (where was the man anyway? a sperm donor is part of the baby-making formula). And there was even a Turkish woman who was eventually freed from house arrest. A few months ago, I met a journalist in political exile from Togo. It was a chance meeting in town and as he shared his story, I was just amazed. Sometimes it seems far away, but then, boom! You meet someone who tells you, "it happened to me." We may not change the course of every event, but spreading the word around can support a cause.

3 Days on the Cross is one of my fave books. One of the current hot topics is the treatment of political detainees in Guantanamo Bay. I'm going to read up on it.

DST and The Fountain of Youth

Daylight Savings Time is one of those things I still don't get. The reason has been explained to me about 100 times--something to do with farmers, blah, blah, blah. All I care about is how it affects my sleep. In the fall, it's great coz you get an extra hour, but in the spring you miss an hour. I just got a new work schedule so I had to wake up while it was still dark outside. Had a few hours of light sleep coz I was scared I'd oversleep and the next thing my phone would ring and they'd ask, "where are you?" Thankfully, I got there on time. Now, I have to try and change my sleeping pattern coz my circadian rhythm is out of whack!

One of the questions I get a lot is "how old are you?" Thing is, I look younger than my age--and while this youth-obsessed culture would consider that a compliment--I don't always. I've noticed some people tend to talk down and patronise, questioning my opinion at every turn, and giving lots of unsolicited advice without knowing all the facts. What makes you such an expert on my life? That is why I wouldn't date a man that was too much older than me. There's a scene in Crash when the black lady is on the phone with the racist cop and he gets pissed off and demands to speak to her boss. And she says, "I am my own boss!" It just cracks me up and drives a point across that you need to deal with the face in front of you. I may not meet the profile in your mind, but I will not go the extra mile for unreasonable arrogant assholes. Feel free to complain to the boss or whoever, that's why you get surveys. But it will be clear who's behaving badly.

Leafing through classifieds for jobs in Kenya, I see age requirements. It pisses me off! I understand the need for work experience in certain fields, but do I need to be some middle-aged person to show that I'm responsible? While I believe in giving respect where it's due, it's plain to see Kenyan society pushes the youth to the sidelines. How many times do people say "you're too young to know or understand." Perhaps. But sometimes, all you need is a chance to learn and use your talents. That is why many young people leave home--for that one chance coz it can lead to greater things. It gives me such a rush to hear the ideas that young Kenyans have, and the things they're doing coz it proves that we have the potential to be a powerful demographic: our collective talents, intellect, and innovation can be a force for change. Are we destined to repeat the cycle that has gone on for decades? Is our way of life in the blood? Will we just grow into old cynics clinging to the last dregs of power when we realize we can't change the system? Do all victims eventually turn into perpetrators?

Shows like "10 yrs younger" are a hit, plastic surgery and botox, chemical peels and laser skin treatments, are no longer a celebrity domain. I'm not against any of these things; on the contrary, I'm rather fascinated. From Nip/Tuck to Dr. 90210 to real live people I know who gone 'under the knife,' I'm fascinated by the gruesome details. I'm one of the few people I know that wants to look older. Maybe I'll change my mind in 10 or 20 years. Probably not. I barely used to wear make-up, but after a couple of months on the job I dragged myself to Sephora. I heard about it from my older sis (who has taught me so much). I used to get intimidated about entering some stores coz bitchy salespeople give you this once-over look trying to figure if you're a browser or a buyer. These days, I don't care much: I like trying new lotions and a splash of that new Italian scent, but I don't have to buy it today (sneak glance at price tag), or ever. Anyway, I walked into the store, didn't know where to start till a helpful person came along. I told them what I was looking for and was directed to one of the pros. Imagine the smile on my face when I discovered the make-up artist was a Kenyan chic! She understood my skin color and tone and showed my some fab products and how to use them. I trusted her opinion on what to buy @ Sephora and what to get at a drugstore. It must have been fate coz I've never seen her at that store again. Weeks later, this gay white dude helped me pick a great lipstick, Nars 'Congo Red.' (Did anyone else out there ever wear Irene lipstick? That green stuff that turns red and sticks on your lips forever? No offense to any fans, it doesn't work on everyone. Guys, if it gets on your clothes, that's it!) But it's all got to come off before bed if you want to maintain healthy youthful skin.