I hate January

Had the past few days off, now it's back to work tomorrow. January must be the most optimistic yet depressing month of the year. Reality hits you in the face, bills,bills, and more bills. Now is when those credit cards come in handy. Sometimes you've gotta make decions and prioritize: is it to pay the rent? medical/health bills? school fees? All are equally important. You need to live somewhere safe, clean, accessible. Making regular rent payments also gives you good credit so you can qualify for loans, etc. Health is also important or else you won't have the strength to get up and go to jobo and interact with people freely. And if fees are not paid, one has to think of immigration status, Relaz @ home who did harambees, Parents who sacrificed so much for you to "get a good education." It's all heavy stuff. And you also need entertainment funds for when you need to go out and destress, even for just the basics of life: you need to be well groomed and well-dressed. To quote the black dude from 40 yr-old Virgin "I don't look this way by accident" Enyewe, I do believe in God, especially in times like this. I need to or else there's no hope. Damn, life is hard when you don't have a lot of money. Money makes the world go round. The thing is I wonder when will it ever be enough? I've discovered with a bigger paycheck come more responsibilities and obligations. You make more, you've got to spend more. So in a way you're back to square one. This is one of the reasons why I don't want kids. I couldn't handle all the long term responsibility. Seeing all the stuff parents have to do: my parents sacrifices and hard work really make me appreciate them. But I wouldn't be able to do it. And why lie, I do a lot of stuff from a sense of guilt about them. Guilt is not a good motivator though long term. I see a lot of grown ups with their elderly parents when they're sick in hospital or something and when they've flown in from whatever state they live in to see the parents, all worried. I have observed the loving actions the families show, but I can also sense the guilt they have. Many people talk about not seeing their parents for a long time--somewhat neglecting them. Relationships are very complex and they keep changing. I can barely handle the ones I have now, so I'm not about to add a child to the equation. I don't care about my biological clock. I'm not ready to do anything drastic like getting my tubes tied, but the truth is when I think of my life in the future, I can see myself alone or with a significant other, members of my family, friends, but NO CHILDREN. Oh well, time will tell.