Leavin' on a jet plane

One of my closest friends is leaving the country and going back home. I am going to miss her a lot. We've been through a lot together: from high school years to college in a foreign country. Being roommates in college was such a fun experience! At first, I worried that we'd fight and the tensions would ruin the relationship. However, it worked out great, we complemented each other very well. One of the things I miss most are the late night talks that began in high school: the lights were out, everyone was comfortable in pjs and tucked into bed, and the vibe was flowing. No topic was sacred: crushes/boyfriends, anal teachers, our health, politics, NASA, sciencific research, secret cultural practices, religion, world travel, and home. I'm happy for her because it means she's closer to realizing her dreams, but I'm sad for myself because it feels like my world won't be such a friendly place after all. Once in a while, when someone close to me undergoes a major change, I get the feeling that I'm being left behind. One of the hard things about getting older is realizing that a certain phase of your life is over: you get to keep the memories and the odd picture or two. You realize that everyone has a different calling and that can lead you in different directions, geographically and otherwise.

I bought a ticket to visit my buddy and say goodbye, but I just found out she'll leave sooner than planned so I won't see her at all. How messed up is that? A minor detail: I have a nonrefundable ticket. So I'm going anyway! It's alright coz I'll get to visit other buddies in that area and I could use a getaway. So, I will also be leavin' on a jet plane....

The Half-naked man in my room

There's a happy half-naked man in my room. And that thought puts a smile on my face...

Now, get your mind out of the gutter! This is a holy man.
It is my very own Laughing Buddha!
He sits on my dresser in all his glorious golden stature, half covered in a burgundy cloth, in front of the scented candle.
He was a special gift from someone really close to me. The first time I saw him was about 3 years ago in summer camp (it was intense but also fun!). We were there for the volunteer staff orientation and we were going round a circle sharing something personal. One lady, the camp founder, shared her Laughing Buddha with us. I couldn't get him off my mind, so I wanted one of my own. It always lifts my spirits to look at his joyful face-- a very powerful symbol=)

The Devil's Footpath

Just read an article on a Kenyan named June Akinyi Arunga in The Nation. It was fascinating: it talked about her work and numerous achievements (very impressive). The main idea that hit a chord with me is 'presenting the real image of Africa to the world.' It is tragic that the mere mention of our continent brings up so much negativity. The only positive comments I usually get about Kenya concerns our runners and the wildlife in game parks. I'm very proud of both, but I often say to people I meet that there is so much more! Anyhow, June Arunga has been involved in making some documentaries about our continent. I'd like to watch The Devil's Footpath.

I've been reading up various articles on economics, public policy, and international aid to African countries and I'd like to quote Paul D. Wolfowitz (current president of the World Bank), said during his time @ Johns Hopkins University " Pouring more foreign aid where the policies are wrong only reinforces bad policies." Hmm....that's an idea! If only it could be put into practice....

Gross habits and where-am-I-heading?

The Acolyte has a couple of funny posts about his pet-peeves and I have to mention one of mine: people spitting on a public sidewalk after noisily clearing their throats. This is straight up disgusting behavior! I used to think it was something that low-class people from shagz did, but I've been proved otherwise. You're walking along calmly, then you hear someone clearing their throat, then splat! on the sidewalk. If you have a throat infection, carry kleenex and throw it in the trash. IF I WERE MAYOR, I WOULD IMPOSE HEAVY FINES ON ANY PERSON SPITTING IN PUBLIC AND REQUIRE COMMUNITY SERVICE.

I've been going through that stage of questioning what I'm doing in life and my goals, a quarter-life crisis of sorts: re-examining beliefs, looking at how the present will relate to the future, focusing on the bigger picture of things when the details are overwhelming, and making plans (A,B, and C...) on how to get there. My goal in life is not just to survive, but to thrive. I've found myself questioning the definition of "success." My sis and I have had numerous discussions on the subject. There's always a set of expectations that we're all trying to live up to. And some of them are self-imposed. So in a way, wouldn't life be easier if you have low expectations so if something fabulous works out then it will be a wonderful surprise? But then, how can you settle if you know there's potential for so much more?

I think it's amazing that when you lose belief in yourself, there are others that still believe in you. Sometimes, you need that reminder from people you love and respect to bring you down to earth, siblings, select relaz, and buddies all help. A call home to The Parents does wonders. It is such a relief to know that I don't have to figure it all out coz they're are way smarter than me! I admire their calm reassurance and confidence. I'm so grateful to have them. I was just chatting with some dude at my workplace and I was talking about my family being in Kenya, just a few of us abroad. Then I asked him about his family. The dude said he's not been in touch with them for years and doesn't know where they are. There was a silent awkward moment. I looked at him thinking, "how? there must be a story there." He didn't volunteer any details so I didn't push. I felt the need to say something:"Friends are like family too when you go through experiences with them." He just nodded, eyes looking glossy. We gotta appreciate our loved ones, by blood and through experience. so here's another, "Thank you, I love y'all!" to mine.

The world through my eyes

Seen:
1) "Bye bye birdies!" on the side of a white pick-up truck, advertising services for getting rid of pigeons from your roof. Those birds are scary! Not scared of humans and multiply endlessly.
2) An Asian girl in my neighborhood walking a black and white cat, with a red collar around its neck attached to a brown leash. I did a double take, WTF?
3) A 2007 Toyota Camry commercial with the line, "At what point does a car become part of your family?" NEVER!
4) A mother calmly strolling down the drinks aisle in Safeway, while her 6 or 7 yr-old daughter jogged behind her pushing a huge cart full of groceries, barely avoiding crashing into me. How lazy can you get? You're the grown-up so do the work.
5) A commercial on an eye Lasik procedure that promises to take you "beyond 20/20." If I have to wear glasses, I may do it.
6) An empty case of Heineken in my kitchen, a betrayal of my fave MGD, the morning after a night spent drinking and chatting in my cozy apartment.
7) Horrible, plain brown "old lady" shoes at Shoe Pavilion, comfortable looking but very hard on the eyes. Also saw some stripper-like shoes. Was very relieved to see a stylish pair of black "g" series (by Nike) that were not only cute, but comfortable and walkable--perfect for my lifestyle.

Black (Africa) vs Black (America)

The sun finally came out! I'm looking forward to going outside today.

I'm just watching "Coming to America" on tv for the 10th time or something. The jokes still crack me up! Eddy Murphy is so handsome and lovable; unlike his alter ego in Raw. Not only is this movie entertaining, it also touches on a lot of real issues: gold-diggers, arranged marriages, living in a different country, tensions between Africans and black Americans, and arrogant rich guys with bad hair! It's also one of the few movies that shows a green lush Zimunda instead of the usual dusty, abandoned, desert village that's supposedly home for us. By the way, Adrian has some beautiful pics from his visit home.

Talking of tensions between people from African countries and black Americans (or African-Americans, the pc term?)--question is what's the deal? This question was bluntly thrown in my face last week by a well-spoken black American man. He added, "A lot of you (Africans) think you're better than us."
My response, "It's bullshit."
We can't deny that this attitude exists. Sad to say, I've often witnessed my fellow countrymen giving bad treatment more often than not. I once took a buddy of mine--black girl from New York--to visit a Kenyan acquintance. When we arrived at the house, the guy we wanted to see was gone so we hang around to wait for him. The woman of the house was very rude to my buddy, asking like 21 questions about her life. Then this Kenyan woman proceeded to bitch about how black Americans are lazy and dissed their way of life. I was pissed that she had the balls to say this to my buddy's face. This was just bad behavior. Although there are some truths she said, it was so disrespectful of her to treat my buddy like that. We left the house shortly afterwards without looking back. And how immature is it for people to argue about who's ancestors ran faster vs who went in the slave ship?

There's no denial that those tensions exist; and I think looking at the demographics makes the picture more clear. Majority of Kenyans, and other Africans, leave home in pursuit of education and job opportunities. Because of the stress we go through to get abroad, most of us are very driven in accomplishing specific goals. After living here (U.S. or wherever else) for a while, you get a reality check about the system. You realize that there are certain benefits reserved for citizens (loans, scholarships, affirmative action programs) and then you wonder "Why aren't these people taking advantage?" For us, it just makes sense.

I have tried to look at matters from the other perspective and even though I don't understand all of the 'whys'--I'm hesitant to make sweeping judgements on people. Factors like socio-economic class, family background, culture, and even personal views come into play. How can you as a product of the middle-class, enjoying the benefits of a solid education and family support compare yourself to a person who grew up with few resources, struggling with basic needs? The concept of delayed gratification is a middle class construct. But just think for a moment, what if there wasn't some reward waiting for you after all your hard work and sacrifice? Then, what's the point in saving, or putting things off for tomorrow? Priorities would shift very fast. Leaving home makes one appreciate a lot of things, like a supportive family network that pushes you to achieve the best. I've found that the general view in the U.S. is that if you're black, you're not expected to amount to much. I think that when nobody believes in you, it's hard to believe in yourself. If you're constantly bombarded by negative messages, you start to internalize some of them. That's happened to the black community in this country. Despite our cultural differences, I think we should focus more on what brings us together.

Emily Dickinson says it all

Emily Dickinson is one of my fave poets. She makes so much sense. I have a book with some selected poems in my library. Although she lived in the 1800s, she tackled some hot-button issues that we deal with today:

"The right to perish might be thought
An undisputed right.
Attempt it, and the Universe upon the opposite
Will concentrate its officers...."

For a lot of us working and studying constantly in the name of future success, have you ever thought?

"How happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And doesn't care about careers,
And exigencies never fears...."

On broken hearts, and broken relationships:

"Proud of my broken heart since thou didst break it,
Proud of the pain I did not feel till thee...."

and

"We outgrow love like other things
And put it in the drawer...."

and

"Heart, we will forget him!
You and I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light...."

And in my journey through life I often feel that:

"Heaven is what I cannot reach!
The apple on the tree,
Provided it do hopeless hang,
That 'heaven' is, to me...."

Here are the lines that struck a major chord in me, I even memorized it!

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all...."

And finally, in praise of those bound volumes we read:

"There is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
No coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry...."

Just one last inspiring one!

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

A lofty aspiration, that's enough to think about.

Rain and Hair-raising Adventures

I'm sick of the fucking rain! It just won't stop. I don't even want to hear the word 'spring.' When I move from here, I'm going someplace hot and sunny. A desert or an island, perhaps? I don't like carrying an umbrella but I'm forced to. It doesn't always help because the wind will blow sideways and you'll be left soaking wet. And did I mention that I just got my hair done a few days ago? As in, I endured about 2 hours of a painful attack on my sensitive scalp: the mission was to scrub it clean, condition, detangle, straighten, trim, and style it. Those who have gone through this can empathize. If only there was some kind of anesthetic that could be applied to the scalp before you're subjected to extreme heat! I know a chic who would pop a pain pill before getting her hair done. Yes, it can be that painful. I enjoy the shampoo part: leaning back over the sink as warm water and yummy smelling stuff is massaged into your scalp is so relaxing. As long as the stylist doesn't use his/her inch-long nails to dig into your follicles, it's all good. When it's time to press the hair, I try to sit still because I don't want that hot steel comb to leave any scars on me. Of course, I know the stylist is skilled and can do wonders (which is why I keep going back), but I get nervous if their cell-phone rings and they pick it up. I chant various mantras and keep saying to myself, "it will be over soon!" In the end, it looks fabulous. Mission accomplished! But it takes some upkeep, like avoiding water for some days. That's why I usually opt for a low maintenance, all-weather proof hairdo that I can do myself. So, damn that rain!

Talking of hairstylists, I really like the chic who styled mine. And her hair looks great. Usually, when you like somebody's work, you keep going back. Even though I've lived in this area for a while, I can't commit to just one stylist. What does that say about me? Commitment-phobic? Maybe. I started out with stylist #1 who is probably the best of them all. Doesn't talk much but delivers. Works in a posh salon in an upscale neighborhood, and that was reflected in the price. And I had to get an appointment way in advance. Some things are worth it though. One time I needed a last-minute appointment coz I was leaving town for a function. Nothing was available with s#1, so entered s#2. Stylist #2 works in a JC Penney's salon in a mall. The location was convenient and I could go shopping at Target on the same day. S#2 was pleasant and patient--I once showed up with half my hair still in twists and extremely tangled. She tackled the job well. But I felt as though I was cheating on s#1. But I rationalized that I needed a plan b if the original one wasn't available. I went back to s#1, but was shocked at a sudden jump in price. Now, I believe in investing in myself, but I have other priorities. I don't get paid for the way I look so it's not that deep! I met s#3 by random chance. Her salon had an exhibit at a city festival so I got the card and called. S#3 is friendly, and I can get an appointment anytime. I like the vibe at the salon, lively and laid-back. Haven't seen s#1 or s#2 in ages and I don't feel guilty anymore. I still keep their numbers coz you never know when you'll need a back-up!

Marsabit Crash and Immigration

Sadness and grief is in the air. My condolences to the families and friends of the Kenyan leaders who died in the tragic plane crash in Marsabit. We will shed tears with you.


Today thousands of people in cities around the U.S. marched for immigration rights. It's always been an issue, but lately became a hot topic along with Iraq, terrorism, and the White House leak. There's no clear-cut solution for dealing with millions of undocumented foreigners in a country. (I don't like the term 'alien') Below are some problems being debated.

1) Distribution of resources.
The locals think that having so many foreigners around is going to drain their coffers. However, just being in the country doesn't entitle one to public assistance programs or other resources that citizens take for granted. So, those people in line at the welfare office are citizens! And there are people who can't file for taxes, although deductions are made every 2 weeks.

2) Lack of jobs and economic recession.
So, just because some major companies have outsourced their work and relocated abroad, or gone bankrupt and merged with a bigger company resulting in people losing jobs, doesn't mean that immigrants are to blame. There are cycles of prosperity and hard times everywhere. There are also tax laws and govt. policies that affect the way businesses are run. And if anyone is willing to work picking grapes and fruits for minimal pay and no benefits, they always have openings. On the other hand, there are other jobs with great pay and benefits if you possess specific skills--and they don't care what country you're from as long as you can do the job.

3)Safety, or lack of it.
This one is b.s. Recently heard someone on a right-wing tv station describe the situation as "a clear and present danger." Of course it's natural to worry about security, but criminalizing people who are working to feed their families is unjust. You don't have to be scared of all the dark-skinned, turban-wearing folks who speak with a foreign accent. There's an account of an academic type visiting an American University to teach a class, who was frozen at the airport, forced to spend a night in jail, then sent back to the country he came from because of a technicality. As if humiliation isn't enough, there's a group called the minutemen in places like Arizona who shoot anybody who tries to cross the border.

4) Socio-cultural considerations.
Anytime a group of foreigners settle in a community, there's worry about adapting to the culture. Language is big. Please learn English people! How does one live in a country for years, even decades, without being able to construct 2 sentences in the official language? If I lived in Rio, I'd have to learn Portuguese. When it comes to food, the foreigners win! One cannot live on McD's alone. I enjoy having a variety of cuisines to choose from: fresh sushi, dim sum, spicy tandoori chicken, Thai curries, healthy burritos with fresh ingredients (NOT Taco Bell), and the list goes on. Food is great coz it brings us together. I think it's ironic that some locals will bitch about illegal Mexicans in the country, yet run to eat Mexican food and sip a cold Corona or Dos Equis. Later, they'll jetset to Cabo on vacation and perhaps buy a vacation home down there. Meanwhile, these guys are reproducing at a very fast rate; their kids grow up here and make it home.

Finally, just to clarify: not all immigrants are illegal. And not all illegal immigrants are Mexicans (although they are the most populous). I wonder, what will the Senate do about the situation?

10 Reasons

There will always be issues between men and women. Each side argues that the others have it easier. Mention the word "feminist" in a crowd and a heated discussion will follow. Everyone deals with different challenges. Sometimes, I think about being on the other side.

Here are 10 reasons why I wish I was a man:
1) Periods. At any given time before or during, you deal with bloating, cramps, strange food cravings, and if that doesn't put you in a bad mood--then hormones wreaking havoc in your system will. And any male who smugly asks, "Is it that time of the month?" Don't go there.
2) It's impossible to give birth. Therefore, you won't be subjected to conversations about your "biological clock" and debates on natural vs. C-section.
3) Basic hair maintenance would be a monthly visit to the barber.
4)The only 2 items to splurge on when shopping would be shoes and cologne. The rest are details.
5) You can impress potential partners with only your brains and wit (and #4).
6) Future in-laws could care less if you cook or have child-bearing hips.
7) When it gets too hot, you can just go topless.
8) The restroom line is always shorter.
9)You can pursue almost any career or field (with few exceptions) you're interested in without dealing with a lot of hostility--like people underestimating your intelligence because of your gender. And few people will question whether heavy investment in your education is worth it.
10) If you act like an asshole, people dismiss your behavior saying "he's just a man." Women are given the message to always act 'nice' or else they're labelled as snobs or bitches.

Of Political detainees

Just read about this dude called Hao Wu on Afromusing's blog. He's been detained by the Chinese government. Check out the story.




http://www.freehaowu.org/

I'm not a lawyer--one of my lawyer uncles shot down that idea when at the age of 10, or so, I proudly declared I wanted his job-- so I can't argue the finer points of laws concerning human rights, access to legal help, and a fair and speedy trial. A person may be innocent or guilty, but there's a process that needs to be followed. I was a member of Amnesty International at my former school. The main thing we did was write letters appealing on behalf of various political prisoners and people being detained unjustly. It was great to hear about the successful cases like the chic in Nigeria who was gonna get stoned for being pregnant (where was the man anyway? a sperm donor is part of the baby-making formula). And there was even a Turkish woman who was eventually freed from house arrest. A few months ago, I met a journalist in political exile from Togo. It was a chance meeting in town and as he shared his story, I was just amazed. Sometimes it seems far away, but then, boom! You meet someone who tells you, "it happened to me." We may not change the course of every event, but spreading the word around can support a cause.

3 Days on the Cross is one of my fave books. One of the current hot topics is the treatment of political detainees in Guantanamo Bay. I'm going to read up on it.

DST and The Fountain of Youth

Daylight Savings Time is one of those things I still don't get. The reason has been explained to me about 100 times--something to do with farmers, blah, blah, blah. All I care about is how it affects my sleep. In the fall, it's great coz you get an extra hour, but in the spring you miss an hour. I just got a new work schedule so I had to wake up while it was still dark outside. Had a few hours of light sleep coz I was scared I'd oversleep and the next thing my phone would ring and they'd ask, "where are you?" Thankfully, I got there on time. Now, I have to try and change my sleeping pattern coz my circadian rhythm is out of whack!

One of the questions I get a lot is "how old are you?" Thing is, I look younger than my age--and while this youth-obsessed culture would consider that a compliment--I don't always. I've noticed some people tend to talk down and patronise, questioning my opinion at every turn, and giving lots of unsolicited advice without knowing all the facts. What makes you such an expert on my life? That is why I wouldn't date a man that was too much older than me. There's a scene in Crash when the black lady is on the phone with the racist cop and he gets pissed off and demands to speak to her boss. And she says, "I am my own boss!" It just cracks me up and drives a point across that you need to deal with the face in front of you. I may not meet the profile in your mind, but I will not go the extra mile for unreasonable arrogant assholes. Feel free to complain to the boss or whoever, that's why you get surveys. But it will be clear who's behaving badly.

Leafing through classifieds for jobs in Kenya, I see age requirements. It pisses me off! I understand the need for work experience in certain fields, but do I need to be some middle-aged person to show that I'm responsible? While I believe in giving respect where it's due, it's plain to see Kenyan society pushes the youth to the sidelines. How many times do people say "you're too young to know or understand." Perhaps. But sometimes, all you need is a chance to learn and use your talents. That is why many young people leave home--for that one chance coz it can lead to greater things. It gives me such a rush to hear the ideas that young Kenyans have, and the things they're doing coz it proves that we have the potential to be a powerful demographic: our collective talents, intellect, and innovation can be a force for change. Are we destined to repeat the cycle that has gone on for decades? Is our way of life in the blood? Will we just grow into old cynics clinging to the last dregs of power when we realize we can't change the system? Do all victims eventually turn into perpetrators?

Shows like "10 yrs younger" are a hit, plastic surgery and botox, chemical peels and laser skin treatments, are no longer a celebrity domain. I'm not against any of these things; on the contrary, I'm rather fascinated. From Nip/Tuck to Dr. 90210 to real live people I know who gone 'under the knife,' I'm fascinated by the gruesome details. I'm one of the few people I know that wants to look older. Maybe I'll change my mind in 10 or 20 years. Probably not. I barely used to wear make-up, but after a couple of months on the job I dragged myself to Sephora. I heard about it from my older sis (who has taught me so much). I used to get intimidated about entering some stores coz bitchy salespeople give you this once-over look trying to figure if you're a browser or a buyer. These days, I don't care much: I like trying new lotions and a splash of that new Italian scent, but I don't have to buy it today (sneak glance at price tag), or ever. Anyway, I walked into the store, didn't know where to start till a helpful person came along. I told them what I was looking for and was directed to one of the pros. Imagine the smile on my face when I discovered the make-up artist was a Kenyan chic! She understood my skin color and tone and showed my some fab products and how to use them. I trusted her opinion on what to buy @ Sephora and what to get at a drugstore. It must have been fate coz I've never seen her at that store again. Weeks later, this gay white dude helped me pick a great lipstick, Nars 'Congo Red.' (Did anyone else out there ever wear Irene lipstick? That green stuff that turns red and sticks on your lips forever? No offense to any fans, it doesn't work on everyone. Guys, if it gets on your clothes, that's it!) But it's all got to come off before bed if you want to maintain healthy youthful skin.