Baby Steps....

Dear T,
You'll probably never read this. I just want to say thank you one more time. Thank you for listening and giving me very practical suggestions (which worked!). I'm glad to know that I have gotten closer to my goal; baby steps that slowly move me forward. It was the one positive spot in an otherwise dreary day. You were the right person to tackle the issue because of your knowledge and approach. I appreciate your non-judgemental attitude. You possess the right skills and you have a heart. I'm sure there are many others out there who feel the same way I do.

:-) GND

Relief

2 down, 1 to go then school is officially over.

The immense relief I feel now that the group paper is done is hard to put into words. It was such a stressful affair right up until the last minute. Tempers flared. Everyone had strong opinions. At least those of us participating. One person was MIA when needed, then in the end offered help as though she was doing us a favor. Calling with excuses which I didn't want to hear then asking what to do. I asked "Have you read the paper?" The silence was the answer. How in the world do you discuss and critique a paper with someone who has no clue about it? I was fuming. "Tell me what to do." I had to restrain myself, kwani does this look like primo where you're told exactly what to do? I found myself being the mediator between different factions of the group (my diplomatic skills must be a middle child thing). This is why I cannot be a parent, I hate repeating the same damn thing over and over again. One dude proposed leaving her name out, but we weren't that cruel. So glad it's done.

There's something major hanging in the air that's making me rethink some plans I made. I'll know for sure in a week. I may end up making some drastic decisions.

Slow Sunday

I got drunk on cough syrup last night. Apparently teenagers have been using this stuff to get high for years. Well, I really needed it. It knocked me out for hours.

When I woke up this afternoon, it took all the energy I had to shower, dress, and trek to my neighborhood coffee shop in hopes of getting a hit of caffeine and working on my policy paper. Apparently, everyone had the same idea. It was packed with people on their laptops. I got a table and immediately got coffee (free-trade). As I poured the organic half 'n half and stirred in the sugar, I wondered why even food is so political. I'm struggling to get more info for a research paper and regretting the topic I picked because it's my professor's area of expertise. So I'd better get all my facts straight. There were too many people in the coffee shop and I couldn't even find a place to plug in my computer so I left as soon as I ate my sandwich. The coffee was really strong.

You know what really irritates me? It's when people say one thing, and do another; flaking with no apology. If you can't do something, then don't say it! If something comes up last minute, let me know. One of my mottos is I don't make promises I can't keep. I have no patience for cheap empty talk. Don't tell me you want to see me, then when I tell you where I'll be, you don't make an effort to meet me. My time is precious. You know how people say "If you ever need anything, just give me a call" or "I'm willing to help with x". Then when you actually call them and tell them exactly what they can do, they don't come through. That gets to me. Which is why I prefer to do a lot of things on my own. I want absolute control (there, I admitted it). If I'm going to be part of anything, I want a say in what goes on. But I'm not a superhero (despite my best efforts) so I need a helping hand.

Maybe I need anger management. I can handle a lot of major things until one thing comes along and pushes me over the edge.

4 Random Things

Random celeb trivia:
George Clooney is People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. (And his pet pig just died.)

How will this information help me as I struggle to finish my papers, and study for upcoming finals? Ah, you'd be surprised. There's no direct benefit to knowing the information above as I'm not taking a class on pop culture or hollywood, but there are indirect benefits. Do you ever notice how you can't stop smiling when you're around a paramour, when you spot a sexy stranger, or an adorable child? Some people just have that effect. They're a pleasant distraction from the daily hassles and routines. Living with a pig would be distracting too, ama?

Random thought:
When I'm in a public place, say standing in line at the bank, I look at the interesting people around and wonder about some of their lives. And I think about the movies when something dramatic happens. Once in a while I spot someone who looks like they're going to lose it. The other day, the line was going slow and this man near the front banged his hand on one of the pillars in frustration and yelled about having to wait. And where else would you experience either extreme elation or depression if not the bank? In fact, I think it would be a great idea to have an onsite psychologist there. Why not?

Random rant:
What is it with people listening to music on their headphones that is so loud everyone within 6ft or more can hear it? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of having head/earphones? Plus, forcing everyone to listen to your choice of music can sometimes be cruel.

Random rave:
I like carrying my notebook around and jotting any ideas, thoughts, and feelings I have. I like drinking good coffee. I like to the freedom to just be, think, and express myself and connecting with people who either get me or just accept me as I am.

AIDS

It is World AIDS day, so I feel obligated to share some views on the subject. According to the statistics, I fit the profile of people most likely to be infected just by being from an African country. It's all over the news right now: Sub-Saharan Africa has the highest infection rates. This is one of the most politicized medical conditions ever. Have you ever heard of a World Malaria Day? I haven't. Don't know if it exists. I've had malaria multiple times, and will always remember the worst incident I had in high school. I was away from home so my Aunt T. took very good care of me. I don't know all the official stats, but I do know it's one of the main causes of death in Kenyan children under age 5. I just found a link to Unicef.

Well, back to the main topic. AIDS is very political, at the same time personal. Spicebear has covered the "Prevention is better than cure" angle well, so I won't go into that. Adults are being urged to get tested at their nearest VCT center. It makes perfect sense to know one's status. The whole idea is to find out whether you have it, then modify your behavior. Doesn't always happen that way. I've heard some people work up the courage to get tested, then never go back for results. Others find out the results, but may not modify their behavior in the ideal way, i.e. using protection, letting partners know of their status, and engaging in health-promoting behavior. I've gotten that email forward about some HIV+ person who decided to go on a spree and infect everyone around them as revenge; and when they die, they leave behind a list. I've known adults who fell ill during their prime, and the cause was whispered "AIDS." The surviving family members are often treated as pariahs as though they may pass it by just being in the same room. HIV/AIDS is not contagious! Have you ever gotten tested? Even though you know you don't have it, do you ever think "What if...."

Moving away from the personal into the scientific aspect, it's important to know the FACTS. It's important to ask the necessary questions as researchers study this virus and attempt to find a cure. It's said that one tests positive for HIV, then eventually develops full-blown AIDS and dies. There are researchers that say HIV is a harmless virus. 3 Berkely scientists: Duesberg, Koehnlein, and Rasnick wrote a paper titled "" where they challenge the HIV-AIDS hypothesis. The Chemical Bases of the various AIDS Epidemics. People diagnosed as HIV+ are usually urged to get on antiretroviral drugs (which cost a fortune) but some people refused to do so and still survived. Check out:Alive and Well

These drugs have horrible side effects. The paper above has solid references saying the drug Retrovir/AZT was originially a chemo drug (they are very toxic and suppress your immune system). It was later reintroduced into the market as an anti-HIV-AIDS drug.

Basically, scientists and researchers who question mainstream HIV/AIDS views are sidelined and not able to get their views to the public; they're not able to get most of their research funded either. This is a problem because science is about questioning. AIDS has heavily funded industries and organizations behind it: Pharmaceutical companies, govts, etc.

When it comes to HIV/AIDS in African countries, there's concern that the statistics collected are not accurate. Who is funding these studies anyway? Apparently, the data is collected from pregnant women visiting prenatal clinics. Check out Emily Oster's article.


At the end of the day, it gets personal again 'cause if you or someone you love gets sick, you'll be thinking about death and the dying process. Although you may be millions of miles away literally or figuratively, decisions made by the powers that be will affect you. I'll take a moment to remember those who have died, as well as those who still survive. And also to applaud the families and healthcare workers who give their time, energy and support to AIDS sufferers, as well as the researchers/scientists working to answer the vital questions that will affect everyone.

Breathy issues

A couple days ago, I was sitting next to a man who was reeking of onions. I glanced at sideways and saw a takeout container on his lap. An image flashed into my mind immediately: a chicken dish I had at a Turkish restaurant that should be translated into 'raw onions with chicken.' It tasted pretty good but I couldn't eat all those onions. Now, I do love the flavor of onions. They're such a basic in Kenyan cooking and other dishes from all over the world. What I have a problem with is the breath or scent they leave behind especially when consumed raw.

It's said that drinking coffee will take away onion & garlic breath but that leaves you with another problem: coffee breath. That can be dealt with by sucking on a mint or chewing gum. But anybody who has recurrent bad breath should probably get a dental check-up 'cause that's a sign of gum disease. Not funny at all. Don't know where I heard this, but going to the dentist is one of the most common fears (along with public speaking). Furthermore, basic medical insurance doesn't even cover seeing a dentist, you have to get an additional policy for that. Anyhow, once you get there, the sound of those drills headed toward your mouth is sure to put you on edge, in addition to the pain and sensitivity you may already be feeling. It takes a special team (dentist & hygienist) to make you feel at ease while they perform their skills. Which is why I'm feeling sad that my dentist is retiring. He's such an easygoing man. All the best to him as he goes on to the next stage of life.

Seems like many people are on the move. A close friend/brother figure and his girlfriend are going to Brazil (her home) for a few months. When he told me, I was thinking "I wanna go too!" And I plan to in the next few years. Sometimes, I get this feeling of being left behind. I've lived with people from different parts of the world, so many go back to their homes. I'm already making plans for all the places I want to go at the end of the month, next summer, in a couple of years, and even in 5-6 years. The world is open (visas are a whole other issue).

Cold, Cravings, etc

This cold weather is making me wish I could hibernate, then wake up on the Kenyan coast on a sunny afternoon....For now, I'll sip my hot lemon tea and hope my voice doesn't give out; I've gotta be taking part in a group thing for class in the AM. It's a group of two 'cause some people dropped the class. It's way easier to coordinate fewer people.

On a different note, dealing with hormonal swings that lead to food cravings at odd hours of the night. Sometimes, I know exactly what I want: the other night it was ice cream. Lucky for me, there's a supermarket really close by. As I was wandering down the aisles, I was kind of suprised how many people were there too. Couldn't decide what flavor I preferred so I picked a couple, dulce de leche and white chocolate raspberry truffle. Then I started having visions of apple pie a la mode. I bought one of those ready-to-bake ones and popped it in the oven as soon as I got home. Warm apple pie and ice cream taste even better in the middle of the night, yum! Other times like tonight, I just nibble a little of everything.

Christmas songs are already being played in stores and I spotted a lady wearing one of those Santa caps. The only decorations that I penda are the lights. End of story.

Looks and a Legacy

The bug is going around and it's hard to resist: the drama on Grey's Anatomy is rather entertaining. But please move over McDreamy, the only man worth checking out Isaiah Washington aka Dr. Preston Burke. This man is hot! I'm so not into McDreamy types --heartbreakers who think they can get away with everything by virtue of their looks.

There's no denying that looks do matter: we all make snap judgements about people just by glancing at them. Sites like Hot or Not are based on this idea. But we conclude so much beyond attractiveness in a few seconds, you can guess economic status, religion, career, lifestyle, or age --which may or may not be accurate. I notice how some people react to me differently when I have different hairdos. When I twisted my fro and was carrying a huge bag with stationary supplies downtown, I was referred to as "Madam artist" (which I take as a compliment even though I'm not one). There's a high school close to my place so when I'm carrying my backpack going to class some people think I'm in high school. I was there over 5 years ago and wouldn't go back. I'm one of the few people who looks forward to looking and growing older. Youth is so overrated.

With some of the recent cases ranging from Dr. Ngugi wa Thiong'o's experience at Hotel Vitale,this Standard commentary, the Iranian-American student tasered at UCLA, an Afghani woman wearing a hijab shot to death in Fremont in front of her 3yr old kid, and the more recent shooting in NYC of a groom right before his wedding, it's clear that appearance will subject one to harrassment and even death. Very tragic.

But there are some people whose ideas unite many: one such person is Bob Marley. I have this Bob Marley t-shirt and everytime I wear it random people smile, say 'peace', and nod when I walk by. Marley has inspired masses around the world and left a powerful legacy.

P.S.--I'm tuned into the case of the Kenyan students arrested for drug possession in Malaysia. The worst case scenario is scary. If OJ can be declared innocent of muder, then write a book "If I Did It" I don't know if there's any justice in this world.

In Da Club

Clubbing just isn't my scene anymore--it makes me feel old to say that. There was a time (esp. when I was underage) when I was so eager to go out all the time. I'd go through the hassle of borrowing somebody else's ID and going great distances to club. What made it really fun was obviously the crew I was hanging out with. And seeing all the outrageous things that happen inside. We went to some fun places, but at times we'd end up at a more calm place so we'd liven it up. We were determined to have fun, so we did. It was all so exciting!

These days I'm irritated at the thought of lining up, paying a cover charge, battling a crowd for a fucking drink, and just when I'm finally having fun, the lights are turned on and we're chased out. Some clubs get off on being "exclusive" so they can hold you hostage on the sidewalk 'cause they know you're dying to enter. As you walk in, the bouncer at the door acts like they just opened the pearly gates. If it's a half decent place, there will be a crowd so you'll need to avoid stabbing someone's foot with your high heeled boots and avoid that unsteady chic walking by barely balancing her martini. Sometimes, the music is worth it but why do DJs play a hit and when you're on the dance floor they suddenly cut it short, talk over it, or start playing a totally different kind of song that interrupts the flow? Let's say you just got your beverage before last call, and as you're sipping your poison of choice, they start yelling out that you should gulp it down soon. All of a sudden, the bright lights flash on and those goons start walking around urging you to finish and get the hell out. They don't care if you've been there less than an hour 'cause they have to clear the place and shut down. Step outside and there are cops hovering in the area (which is a great idea in some places 'cause this is when crazy things happen). This is when it helps to have a friend who likes going out but doesn't drink so you know they'll take you home safely. That's what matters.

"No Thanks..."

No Thanks to Thanksgiving
by Robert Jensen, Journalism Professor at University of Texas at Austin

[One indication of moral progress in the United States would be the replacement of Thanksgiving Day and its self-indulgent family feasting with a National Day of Atonement accompanied by a self-reflective collective fasting.

In fact, indigenous people have offered such a model; since 1970 they have marked the fourth Thursday of November as a Day of Mourning in a spiritual/political ceremony on Coles Hill overlooking Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts, one of the early sites of the European invasion of the Americas.]

You can read the rest of the article here



I've learned a lot of history lately that has changed my perspective on some issues and to quote a statement from one of my papers: "After reading about the murder and near-extermination of the Indians, I question the very celebration of Thanksgiving." So, we cannot celebrate an occasion without giving genuine consideration to the native inhabitants of this land from which we earn our living.

With all that said, I do not oppose a day off with families and friends (even strangers) gathering to share a good meal and give thanks for whatever they have. I do not oppose the generosity and concern that people have for those in their communities who need a helping hand to survive. If anything, Thanksgiving seems to be more revered around here than Christmas (which is mostly about buying stuff). I attended a religious program at a local church. It was an amazing experience for several reasons:
--for one, I haven't been in church for well over a year (which may not seem like a big deal to some but I spent 91% of my life centered around church and religion)
--the minister of the church was a woman. She was very distinguished in her cleric collar.
--the congregation had people of different races and ages from toddlers, to grandmothers, and young people. So many churches are still segregated and I wonder if faith can't bring people together, what will?
--the music was beautiful; there was one encouraging song urging us to persevere whatever hardship we may face and it was just what I needed to hear.

I am thankful for the important people in my life and whatever I have. Anybody out there travelling, have a safe trip.

Manga

I just discovered Manga. I didn't know much about its existence till this past summer when my younger sibling picked some up. So, I was at the library this week working on a research paper, and somehow I ended up in the teen section and there was a cart labeled "Mature! Parental Advisory!" Of course I had to check it out =)

They had a variety so I picked out a couple of the most colorful ones. How cool is it to read a book backwards and from right to left? I like it! I needed something light and entertaining between all the heavy reading I've been doing. And the reason they put warning stickers on them is 'cause they do have some graphic pictures. But then, all manga is not easy reading; there's a variety of dark, complex themes they explore. I've got to visit Japan 'cause they have the most original stuff and there's a lot to see. I'm not giving up my attempt on leading a simpler lifestyle yet so I won't be buying all that stuff for myself--so family and close friends you're in luck! One of my classmates went to a karate competition in Tokyo recently and her descriptions of this crowded city are fascinating. I've got to experience it for myself.

Relationships

"Complicated" Relationships

So, what's your story?
I'm seeing this guy...
Is he your boyfriend?
Well, it's complicated...

It's complicated? Since when did that become the standard answer to define one's relationship? Thanks to Facebook's introduction of the "complicated" relationship status last year, "complicated" relationships have been blossoming nationwide. Friends with benefits are benefiting greatly from this new classification of hookup buddy and I don't see it decreasing anytime soon.

An excerpt from the Free Magazine from Penn State, "Odds & Ends--What's Hot" Fall 2006 by Lauren Bootier

"Be the change...."

I'm really into quotes (and own a book full of them) because they have the ability to convey powerful thoughts in just a few words. You can sit through a lengthy talk or boring conversation and afterwards you can't remember a damn thing the speaker said. Sometimes, it's only one phrase that sticks in your mind.

Mahatma Ghandi said "You must be the change you want to see in the world." This came to mind after reading an exchange on Majonzi's blog with one person accusing another tribe of being racist/tribalistic. When either of these topics is brought up, a passionate discussion is sure to follow. Unfortunately, it often ends in people attacking and accusing each other. Often, the accusers are guilty of the same crime they're trying to advocate against. Or maybe they're just contributing to the problem because all they want to do is complain, point fingers at others, and refuse to be part of the solution. Of course, it's hard not to take things personal when an issue hits close to home. One can't always separate logic and emotions. But until we collectively take responsibility for all that holds us back, there's no way we can solve the problem. Although as we know, most problems in life don't resemble mathematic problems, where you can always apply a formula and come up with a result. Problems are often a work in progress where you never really get done. Or like education where you can study something for years, become an expert on it but yet be utterly clueless about a variety of other subjects. New discoveries also come up in your own field so you'll constantly learn new things. Anyway, back to my main point, idealistic as it may be, which is for us to be part of the solution. How? That's for each of us to figure out.

"Racism's still alive"

Professor Ngugi wa Thiong'o, a prominent Kenyan thinker, writer, and academic (currently a professor at UC Irvine) is subjected to humiliating, racist treatment at Hotel Vitale in San Francisco. You can read the story below on Black Look's blog. Another fellow KBW blogger Majonzi also wrote about this incident titled "When Appearance Matters." The Sunday Nation also has an article on this.

What you can do: spread the story and contact the hotel to express your anger and outrage. And obviously, boycott the Hotel Vitale!!

Membership

I finished reading "The Mayor of Casterbridge" yesterday. It's an excellent book!

I should be working on my research paper and other assignments. At Ieast I got caught up with some school work today when I went to the local library. I applied for a library card there, then I realized now I have membership at 4 different libraries: my school, a nearby university, the city where I used to live, and where I live now. I'm very impressed with the collections they have. Everything is so efficient: you can go online and put a book or movie on hold then just pick it up. Technology is a wonderful tool. In fact I'm getting some of my school books from the library. One of my classes has about 5 or 6 books and we used some of them for only 3 weeks so what's the point in buying all of them? There's only one book I want to keep. I realize that every book has something valuable, but I wonder how often some teachers revise their book lists. I like it when they differentiate between required and supplemental reading 'cause textbooks cost a fortune. And publishers always unleash a new edition every year with new pictures or a CD-ROM. (I rarely used any of the CDs that came with my books.) In fact, I had to buy one of my policy books straight from the publisher because that new edition wasn't widely available and we're barely using the book! At least it will be in great condition if I decide to auction it off (half.com and Amazon are my top sites). It's pointless to sell books back to the bookstore 'cause they give you so little money back. It's better to keep it, give it away, or sell it to a student.

Talking of memberships, last week I went to check out a local gym where some of my buddies work out. It's a cool gym and has a variety of exercise options from yoga and dance classes, to the requisite treadmills and weight-lifting equipment. I'd like to be much stronger and more muscular (like the Williams sisters). The dude who took me on the tour was so fine! And gay. In the end, I wasn't convinced the membership was worth the fees 'cause I won't use it enough. Of course, when they advertise they quote a really low price*(there's usually a star next to it). To get the deal you have to sign a contract. I don't like contracts. I'll probably take a PE class at school next sem. Haven't even been inside the gym yet. Might as well use it 'cause it's paid for.

Africa by Aime Cesaire

Africa
your solar tiara knocked down to your neck by rifle butts
they have turned it into an iron-collar; your clairvoyance
they've put out its eyes; prostituted your chaste face;
screamin that it was guttural, they muzzled
your voice, which was speaking in the silence of shadows.

Africa,
do not tremble this is a new fight,
the living wave of your blood secretes unfailingly
constant a season; night today is, at the bottom of ponds,
the frightening and unstable back of an incompletely asleep star,
and perserve, and fight--even if to conjure up space you had only
the space of your name irritated by dryness.

Snout holes snout holes
land ripped with snout holes
sacked
tattooed
great body
massive disfigure where the tough snout dug
Africa the forgotten days which always walk
with curved shells in the doubt of eyes
will spring to the public face amidst happy ruins, on the plain
the white tree with willing hands will be each tree
a tempest of trees in the unparalleled foam and sand,


hidden things will again climb the slope of dormant musics,
today's wound is an oriental cavern,
a shuddering issuing from black forgotten fires, it is,
sprung from blemishes from the ash of bitter words
from scars, all smooth and new, a face
of long ago, bird concealed spewed, bird brother of the sun.


Aime Cesaire

102!

This is my 102nd post and it's dedicated to my grandfather who is 102 years old.

Time is a fluid concept: it can rush by, slow down to a trickle, or freeze depending on what activity you're doing. When you're having a good time, it's gone just like that. But when you're lining up at the post office, sitting in your doctor's waiting room, or suffering through a boring lecture/sermon time crawls. Doesn't matter how many times you glance at your watch. There's a chapter in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 3) saying there's a time for everything. (See, you can learn a lot from a boring sermon!) And in that same spirit, I decided that it's time to go home.

I am soooo excited because I AM GOING HOME FOR A VISIT AT THE END OF THE YEAR!!

Got the ticket last month through STA Travel, I highly recommend them. Great service plus they have student and youth discounts. I want to share the info 'cause when I asked some people where they get their tickets they were very vague mpaka I was wondering why that information was classified. You'd think I was asking for someone to buy me a ticket or give me the number of their drug dealer. One dude was very helpful and gave me contacts for his travel agent but I decided to go with STA's deal.

This is one of those things I find very frustrating, when people have certain knowledge but they guard it so closely and refuse to share it though there's nothing to lose. I've encountered this attitude from fellow countrymen multiple times during my stay in this country. By no means is one person obligated to hold another's hand and guide them through the most mundane daily activities. And yet, some people don't even want to share the most basic information. Or worse, they give bad advice as they mumble under their breath that they suffered so everyone else should also suffer. Excuse me? What kind of warped logic is that? But as capable adults, we find other reliable resources and move on. Funny how some people are so willing to give advice when it's needed the least, doling it out in a very patronising manner. It annoys me to have someone say long after the fact "You could have done this, or gone there." Well, I didn't. I can't go back in time. I did something else, and I will live with my choices proudly. I don't make decisions by accident, it takes a lot of thought and extensive planning on my part because I alone know my circumstances, abilities, and resources. I don't give advice: however, I willingly share my experiences, opinions, and any knowledge I have. And I've also learned there are times when I have to admit "I don't know."

Getting back to the main topic of going home, I have so many emotions and thoughts going through my head. I'm thinking back on the last few years. I'm thinking of life at home and all the changes that took place in my absence. How I've changed. What hasn't changed. I'm thinking of my family: most important are my parents who sacrifice and support us endlessly. And my numerous relatives. I laugh when people ask how many relaz I have. There's my 102 year old grandfather and my new baby cousin. Being away from home is like missing out on chapters of life; there have been deaths, births, weddings and many other events that I wasn't part of and yet the course of my life is so closely intertwined with them. While we can look back on the past, bonds are strengthened by undergoing new experiences together. I went back to my first post and I'm fulfilling most of my New Year's resolutions. I can remain motivated when I know there's a reward at the end. Home at last!

To Kenyan Students Headed to the U.S.

There have been several humorous and very realistic posts on what Kenyan (or Tanzanian, Ugandan) students can expect when they leave home for the West. Y'all will get more advice than you ask for. I won't attempt to be a wise guru who's figured it all out 'cause I haven't, I just want to share a few things based on real life experiences (mine and others').

1) Welcome to the land of work. We're not just talking the 9-5, with a break for tea and lunch. That may happen or not. It can be any hour of the day or night, weekend, weekday, or holiday, during extreme weather but it doesn't matter because work goes on. A lot of human labor goes into making this huge economy churn and you, too, will become a part of it. Work can do wonders for you: obviously an income, nurture skills and talents, acquire knowledge, various benefits, a professional network, friends, and life experience. Dealing with huge responsibility will come with rewards (not always monetary). But everything comes at a price. You will find that work will conflict with school, personal life, health, religion, or personal values. You'll have to figure out what you're willing to do or put up with and for how long. If you get stuck somewhere, hopefully it's temporary. Everyone has to start somewhere. Focus on the bigger goal and where you're heading. Even though it may be a minimum wage, 'unskilled' job, you will learn skills that you'll apply to your future career. Do your thing, and do it well. By the way, be careful about asking people where they work unless they volunteer the information.

2) You can do things your way, and get off the beaten path if you wish. Risky? Perhaps. You'll never know unless you try it. Many people can have the same goal, but there are different ways to get there. Choose what works for you in your own unique situation and don't take any bullshit from negative people who try to discourage you. It's your life after all.

3) It's a dangerous world. Some may already have survived traumatic experiences at home. Others have led a protected life. Everyone quickly realizes that the streets aren't paved with gold. On the contrary, some of them are filled with the poverty, desperation, and violence that characterizes the West's dominant view of the developing world. Often, you turn on the tv and listen to the horrific crimes that happen to some innocent child, woman, or man. Some days, it hits really close and you question your safety and well being. You hear the gunshots. Then you read the news report on the homicide and stare at the flashing lights and bright yellow police tape. And you may even think, "hell, that could have been me." Because, it could be. This scary thought makes one reexamine priorities and focus on survival.

4) Although there are many grim details and stresses in life, it is essential to have a heart and retain some faith in humanity. Because when you're down and almost out, the least likely person could step up and do something for you even though they don't owe you a damn thing. And in turn, you will get the chance to do something for somebody. It may seem insignificant, but you may never know how deeply you impact a life.

2nd Place is First Loser

I survived the weekend.
It went quite well actually. Managed to memorize my speeches and pull off the performances smoothly. In fact, I got some trophies ranging from 3rd place to 1st. Thanks to my speech coaches who gave me practical critiques. But I think they were kinda surprised too. Got to call my parents and share the news. The 1st place one was such a surprise because I wasn't as confident about that piece. But I knew the piece so well, I could probably recite it in my sleep. It was fun watching other people's performances; there's so much talent out there. One of my favorite performers is a girl from my school who did a piece about how celebrities get away with everything. Stars featured included Michael Jackson, OJ, and Mel Gibson. It was hilarious! It gets quite competitive especially for those who've been doing it for a long time. Somebody gave a speech about the disappointment of getting a silver medal at the Olympics and the idea that 2nd place is first loser. Most of us aim for the top: to be the best at whatever we do. There's internal and external pressure that propels us forward. Reality is, not everyone can win first place. The only exception is parents, who were always number 1 in school=) Anybody who shows up and gives a try should be applauded. Just like this quote from T. Roosevelt:

"The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly ....and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat.”

So you're not a loser unless you don't even try. I've learned so much and know the public speaking skills will come in handy. The school we went to was huge! Guess the students must drive from class to class. That would drive me crazy 'cause I like to walk. Some campuses have shuttles that take people around. We got to stay at the local Hilton, and the beds were so comfortable that I slept as soon as my head touched the pillow. So cliche, but true. Got back very late last night and I couln't make it to my classes this morning. (Note to self and others: never sign up for an 8am class on Monday morning if you can avoid it!) It's weird that I can wake up early for work or classes on other days, but most Mondays I run late. Now, it's to catch up on some studying.

Get-Away

In a few hours, I'll be leaving for the weekend. I'm not even done packing yet. It's not some romantic mountain cabin get-away (I wish!), it's a school thing. Another speech tournament. I can hardly wait for it to be over. Sad to say that I don't really care much for anything except my grade in the class. The advantage of being perceived as dumb is that people don't expect much of you. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, these people think I could be good at this. I'm just tired and have other things on my mind. I'm thinking about the extra work hours I'll miss and I'm always on the move so it drives me crazy when there's too much downtime but not much entertainment/activity. It's not that I can't relax, but I'd rather relax at home or in certain settings. Maybe I am a control freak 'cause I've been accused of not being spontaneous. Oh well...Wish I already had a Macbook (on my wishlist) so I could carry it with me. Hope everyone out there will have a more fun weekend than mine.