A week or two ago, I was chatting with a random guy (30-40something yrs old)and I figured that he'd had a couple of drinks sometime that evening. He was rather talkative. He went off on a tangent about marriage then posed the question, "Isn't that what all women want? To get married?" Wow, since when did I become an expert on what all women want? I can't even figure out what I want half the time....what would make me qualified to answer on behalf of others? I took the diplomatic route and told the guy that there are some women who are eager to get married, but others who aren't. "But why not?" he persisted.
"They may have other priorities or goals they want to accomplish first" I answered. Or they haven't met anyone they want to marry, I thought to myself.
He didn't seem to believe me. "A guy like me, I'm rich and I would make a good husband." He was better looking than average and well dressed. But there's so much more that can't be revealed in one glance.
I was on my way home and didn't want to get drawn into an endless discussion so I took the easy route and complimented him, "I'm sure you will make some girl very happy" then I walked away.
So, what do women want? This question has been asked over and over again. (The Mel Gibson movie is kinda funny. I have issues with him about his latest movie on the Mayans, but that's a different topic.) I am a little curious about women out there would say to complete the following phrase:
A man must_________________________.
One of my buddies said that a man must have a car. I don't hold the same view. I say a man must have intelligence and a sense of humor and use each one appropriately.
This post isn't totally about marriage. It's also about the assumptions people make about what others think or want. These may be true or perhaps not at all. For example, if you've been on a long trip or walking outside in the heat and you arrive at somebody's house, it would be safe for them to assume that you are hungry and thirsty and offer some refreshments. However, when it comes to our thoughts, belief systems, wants, and desires, it gets tricky. People don't always reveal their deepest desires or thoughts to others. If you ask someone, "what's on your mind?" They may actually tell you what they're thinking about. However, if they think that it's too personal, or you can't handle it, they will give you a bullshit answer. There times I've asked that question. People can be surprisingly honest about what they're thinking. At times, I answer the question very candidly and can tell when a person becomes uncomfortable because they didn't actually expect me to be so straight up. Where am I going with this? Nowhere, just sharing what's on my mind right now.
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14 comments:
Hey, a good sense of humour is an important thing to have. An intelligence is also very important. So you thought the grading system for jamaas was real and true? I think not, ladies are just nagging.
If it were possible to get an answer to this particular question wouldn't we be all happy? I would also be curious what the women out there want.
But seriously, I think that no single quality will ever satisfy a person coz even when you have what you are looking for you will still eventually desire more!
This post is definitely food for thought!!
@Madsvibe,
glad we agree on intelligence and sense of humor. I also look for those qualities in buddies. I don't know much about the grading system.
@Kirima,
There are some general things that I think most women would want, but some may place a higher priority on looks, let's say, or wealth. But it can be surprising what appeals to some people. Nobody has it all so it's true that people will always want more.
@Princess,
There's no simple answer I guess!
M's comment in an old post put's it vaguely but precisely :-) :
I dare say this is because at the end of the day all of us want the same basic things - commitment, passion, intelligence, looks, sex, etc from our significant other.
What differs for everyone is which of these core characteristics are most important.
I thot I commented on this? Oh well there goes my comment. I guess at the end of the day people need to discover what means the most to them if they are to know what they want.
women want a guy they can show off to their jealous buddies consciously or otherwise. therefore money, wit and humour comes in handy. otherwise the jamaa has to look good
Sense Of Humour is essential for me!I hate boring dates!!!
@Erick,
just read the comment. I agree that most of us want those basic things.
@Acolyte,
I've lost a couple of comments too. Yup, some qualities do mean more to some people.
@Mwanawakenya,
so true!You can always tell when someone is showing off their partner for the world to see.
@Klara,
I'm with you on that one!
Late as I may be wacha i share my 2 cents. The answers to that question are so wide and varied depending on the location you ask it. One that i am hearing more often is that the fella has to be financially secure, can't we get together and build an empire together?
It is a simple answer to a simple question- okay I guess the question of what women want- simply, women want a man who can let them make their own mind and take control of their own life
@Aegeus,
It's never too late!
I'm with you on the idea of building financial security together--after all marriage is a partnership--but I'll play devil's advocate.
Women's belief that financial security in a man is a must is based on practical considerations: when starting a family, the woman is the one giving birth, usually the primary caregiver for the kids and also in charge of maintaining the home (cooking, cleaning, etc). It's impossible to give equal time and attention to both--so the financial burden often falls to the man.
@Anon,
I agree that freedom is quite important.
as late as this might be, mytwo cents
A girl wants to feel at ease with her jamaa, I call it flow. e.g. I like to sing silly stupid songs and do silly jigs, I once went out with a guy who took me too seriously that this bit was never there coz I had to unconsciously live up to this serious me.I was very unhappy. This I discovered long after we'd broken up and me realising that I actually do those things now with my current dude and not even think about it-this is vital coupled with humor, intelligence etc and for heaven's sake a guy gotta be clean on his own!
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and the rest of the site is really good.
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